Is A Guy Liking Your Personality Really A Good Thing?

[Mme. Chaucer]

I am really not sure what those things would be, is the honest truth. This isn't a put down... I'm not a bad person. I'm just not gifted in any way.

 

I do things I enjoy... martial arts, reading, belly dancing... but I have absolutely no skill in them. I do them anyway, but they'd be nothing to impress anyone else-heck, people seem to think LESS of me when reading my stories or watching me perform, because I look like such the fool.

 

I am moderately intelligent, and I am very good at my job, but how in the world could these things translate into the dating world?

 

I am, at best, very average... so what exactly is there to focus on when you really don't have qualities to make up for the ones you lack?

 

You seem terribly down on yourself. Do you think you might suffer from depression? You seem like you might be depressed … do the things you enjoy actually bring joy to your life?

 

What are your relationships with your friends like?

 

Do you laugh much? Have actual fun?

[Tybalt]

Uh oh, I'm stricken with dreaded red hair, which groups me into those with acne and no personality...

 

I'm single, and sometimes it is lonely to be sure. Rather than focusing on that though, I am actively exploring the things that I am or could be interested in. I just started taking ballet. Guess what? I feel completely stupid next to the more experienced teenagers half my age. But I enjoy the challenge, decide to be the underdog and keep going for it.

 

I have also recently discovered that I enjoy running, on top of the other exercise I do regularly. I was feeling a bit down and alone today so I went to the running store and got a nice new pair of running shoes that I needed. They did a gait analysis and fussed over me a bit to find me the right pair. It ended up being quite enjoyable. I got home and now I can look on LS or listen to music or go to the gym or watch a movie I've been wanting to see or go out with some girlfriends tonight, or do all of the above. It is actually nice to have that kind of freedom and I remind myself that this is the positive aspect of being on my own.

 

Do I want a relationship? Absolutely, and I hope for a serious one (there's someone I am hoping will become that in my life, we'll see). In the meantime, I am trying to make the most of my situation. And, I hope that the self-care skills I develop now, the identity I form as I explore the life I want on my own, will carry through in a serious relationship. I don't want to "lose myself" in someone else or expect that person to make me "happy" if I'm not already. In my opinion that is too much to place on any one person in your life except for yourself. No one will take care of you as well as you take care of yourself.

 

I love bellydancing! It's great exercise and very sensual. Who cares if you feel silly? Invest in it, and in other activities 100% and love your flaws, foibles, and the rest. Because there is someone out there who is going to as well, I am sure of it.

 

One last note about exercising... Getting strong and fit has been one of the key aspects of self care, along with diet, that has helped me cope with my various relationship challenges and helped me feel sexier than ever.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I like flaws a lot of em are cute..ive met cute girls with big noses etc

 

Most guys dont seek perfection.. i think sometimes women project their own vanity and shallowness onto men

 

I'll remember that next time I hear comments about the cheerleaders at football games, see a stack of Maxim or Playboy next to a guy's toilet, listen to a guy stop midsentence when a Victoria Secrets commerical comes on...and the list goes on.

[somedude81]

I'll remember that next time I hear comments about the cheerleaders at football games, see a stack of Maxim or Playboy next to a guy's toilet, listen to a guy stop midsentence when a Victoria Secrets commerical comes on...and the list goes on.

Just because men like those things, doesn't mean that nothing else matters.

 

Don't tell me you've never done a double-take to a hot guy.

[Woggle]

I'll remember that next time I hear comments about the cheerleaders at football games, see a stack of Maxim or Playboy next to a guy's toilet, listen to a guy stop midsentence when a Victoria Secrets commerical comes on...and the list goes on.

 

Like women don't talk the same way about men.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Just because men like those things, doesn't mean that nothing else matters.

 

Don't tell me you've never done a double-take to a hot guy.

 

 

The correct statement is: just because men like those things, doesn't mean that men don't find other women beautiful too. It's not really fair to tell women that you find other women beautiful and indulge in their beauty while expecting your real lfie partner to be comforted by the idea that you like her sense of humor.

 

Yes, I have noticed attractive men. However, my idea of what is attractive has never been an "ideal". I have been turned on and turned off by "hot" guys. Just based on looks. I have been turned on and turned off by "average" guys. Just based on looks. My attraction does not fall to what women magazines tell me is hot. I also don't buy magazines full of nearly naked men personifying an image of masculinity that isn't even real. I think real men are way more exciting. And that's the different. Ask a woman in love if she minds her man going bald and she will say that it only makes him more attractive to her. Ask a man if he minds his partner gaining a couple pounds and he's on the verge of dumping her unless she "shapes up".

[ptp]

Just because men like those things, doesn't mean that nothing else matters.

 

Don't tell me you've never done a double-take to a hot guy.

 

No she would never do that because in her eyes even looking at another guy is considered emasculating her BF.

[Woggle]

I have seen women divorce their husbands for simply starting to get a receding hairline so they are just as shallow.

[somedude81]

The correct statement is: just because men like those things, doesn't mean that men don't find other women beautiful too.

Uh thanks.

 

It's not really fair to tell women that you find other women beautiful and indulge in their beauty while expecting your real lfie partner to be comforted by the idea that you like her sense of humor.

Her sense of humor? That was random.

 

There is no reason why I can't think a stereotypically attractive woman is beautiful and then turn to my GF who isn't as hot and not believe that she is beautiful too.

 

Sure she might not be as hot as the other women, but who cares about that?

 

Yes, I have noticed attractive men. However, my idea of what is attractive has never been an "ideal". I have been turned on and turned off by "hot" guys. Just based on looks. I have been turned on and turned off by "average" guys. Just based on looks. My attraction does not fall to what women magazines tell me is hot. I also don't buy magazines full of nearly naked men personifying an image of masculinity that isn't even real. I think real men are way more exciting. And that's the different.

Good for you.

 

Ask a woman in love if she minds her man going bald and she will say that it only makes him more attractive to her. Ask a man if he minds his partner gaining a couple pounds and he's on the verge of dumping her unless she "shapes up".

The same thing can be applied to both genders.

[OnyxSnowfall]

I have seen women divorce their husbands for simply starting to get a receding hairline so they are just as shallow.

 

Sure you have.

[krz12]

Being in the friend zone with a girl is also better than nothing... You don't get sex, but hey, at least you get companionship. And yet I see tons of guys on forums like this complaining about it.

 

How exactly is an FWB from a girl's side any different than the friend zone from a guy's side?

 

You can get companionship by inviting guys over to watch football and providing pizza and beer.

 

The things you talk about and do with a girl though are (probably) different than those you talk about with other male friends.

[AD1980]

I'll remember that next time I hear comments about the cheerleaders at football games, see a stack of Maxim or Playboy next to a guy's toilet, listen to a guy stop midsentence when a Victoria Secrets commerical comes on...and the list goes on.

 

Women have twlight and other shows where they gawk at hot men

 

Hell women have voted for presdents because therye good looking

 

Women worship good looks,stop with the women are less shallow and houlier then though bs ,its not true

[Metis]

Well, I still think people who get cheated on, abused, lied to, or manipulated deserve what they get. Just like I deserve being a virgin for life. I think that's fair.

It's not a matter of deserts. It's a matter of, first of all, the magnitude of the "wrong" suffered, and whether what you suffer IS wrong, deliberately perpetrated against you. I assure you, there is no female conspiracy to deprive you of vagina.

[fortyninethousand322]

It's not a matter of deserts. It's a matter of, first of all, the magnitude of the "wrong" suffered, and whether what you suffer IS wrong, deliberately perpetrated against you. I assure you, there is no female conspiracy to deprive you of vagina.

 

I'd beg to differ.

[xxoo]

I'll remember that next time I hear comments about the cheerleaders at football games, see a stack of Maxim or Playboy next to a guy's toilet, listen to a guy stop midsentence when a Victoria Secrets commerical comes on...and the list goes on.

 

Does every guy you meet fit so neatly into these stereotypes?

[Metis]

I assure you, there is no female conspiracy to deprive you of vagina.

I'd beg to differ.

 

Well, that's your problem right there. "So yeah, Jenny, I really do suspect the whole world revolves around me, though I would prefer if people concentrated on giving me babes and Ferraris, instead of working day and night on making sure that I only have an imaginary babe and a beat-up Chevy. Who knew being the Center of the Universe was such a nightmare? And it is a nightmare, Jenny, it really is. Wanna ****?"

[Jane2011]

I think I'd rather have a guy like my personality more than my looks, if only because it seems more sustaining in the long-term. But...as others have said, balance feels right. I'd like for a guy to say something like, "I like her 60% for her personality, 40% for her looks..." Not like 75-25 or something like that.

 

I think I'm naturally liked with balance, anyway, because I'm not hot enough to be liked solely for looks. And probably not interesting, charming, funny, or intellectual enough to be liked solely for personality.

[ascendotum]

I think I'd rather have a guy like my personality more than my looks, if only because it seems more sustaining in the long-term. But...as others have said, balance feels right. I'd like for a guy to say something like, "I like her 60% for her personality, 40% for her looks..." Not like 75-25 or something like that.

 

I think I'm naturally liked with balance, anyway, because I'm not hot enough to be liked solely for looks. And probably not interesting, charming, funny, or intellectual enough to be liked solely for personality.

 

This is what I thought many people would feel, though maybe more inclined to see it that way whan they are over 25. I've had the impression it is the more attractive women that would prefer a guy appreciate them more for their personality, because they have no doubt about their desirability after years of complements about their looks, that they now want to appreciated for more, given beauty is a depreciating asset. I can understand people who have less options would feel better about it if their partner thought they were hot stuff, and was turned on thinking about them when they are not around.

[verhrzn]

Just to put a bow on this thread:

 

THIS is the reason I think it's a bad idea to date a guy who is attracted to my "personality," AND why it's a bad idea to approach/persue a guy, because this is what inevitably happens:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t305496/

[ptp]

Just to put a bow on this thread:

 

THIS is the reason I think it's a bad idea to date a guy who is attracted to my "personality," AND why it's a bad idea to approach/persue a guy, because this is what inevitably happens:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t305496/

 

I agree, looks matter. When you find a guy who is into your looks and personality, it feel a whole lot different than what you get now. Entering into a relationship with a guy who tells you that "your personality makes up for your looks" is only harmful to you.

 

It will work out for you be patient.

[dizy]

Generalizing is really a bad idea. I had similar experiences with guys, not that they liked my personality but not my looks, but the opposite: i liked their personality but i find them average looking. I was crazily fond of this guy that is average tall, average body, blond hair, blue eyes, and he looked old for a 22 years (which is something that turns me off completely...normally) but after spending 30min with him, i knew that i could have spent my entire life with this person that i find average physically. and now there is another guy that i like because of his personality, again hes physically average and I am not crazy about him. if he shows some interest it would be great but i honestly dont know if I would fall for someone else who, like you said, "has the personality and the looks" when we will be dating. so I will say that it all depends if the person is crazy about your personality or just likes your personality. it makes a huge difference =).

 

and you know what? i honestly think that inner beauty is SO MUCH more than looks! I would be incredibly happy if I were you.

I don't think the guy finds you repulsive physically either, you are probably just not the type that he is usually physically attracted to. Trust me, if he finds you ugly he wont be interested no matter how incredibly funny or nice you are. and yes there is a HUGE difference between finding you ugly or average .=)

 

meanwhile just chill and dont kill yourself over that question. no one is always happy. dont you see the amount of threads about how "i am attractive but no woman/man is interested in me and Idk why"

[RiverRunning]

There's still a world of difference between someone recognizing that you aren't -the- hottest thing in the world...and outright admitting that they like you in spite of your looks. In the latter case, your appearance is enough of a problem to be mentioned. In the former, that's just being realistic and practical. It's impossible to be perfect and a person could probably always find some physical flaw in a partner.

 

In the OP's case, she's had men outright tell her they like her in spite of her looks...and that's just not good. That's the equivalent of a pity party or a "you should be grateful to date me" type of scenario.

[Anela]

This is what I thought many people would feel, though maybe more inclined to see it that way whan they are over 25. I've had the impression it is the more attractive women that would prefer a guy appreciate them more for their personality, because they have no doubt about their desirability after years of complements about their looks, that they now want to appreciated for more, given beauty is a depreciating asset. I can understand people who have less options would feel better about it if their partner thought they were hot stuff, and was turned on thinking about them when they are not around.

 

I've had plenty of attention when it comes to my body, but I've also been around when men go goopy over my younger, prettier sister. It's either amusing or depressing, depending on your frame of mind at the time.

 

I admitted last night, to my mother, that I could relate to a cousin who married her husband partially because he never hit on her younger sister. I've never knowingly had the experience, but the fear was there at times, "What if I take them home, and they prefer my sister once they meet her?" Her boyfriend made a pass at me, in 2002, and then admitted his supposedly undying love for me when he was drunk, in 2005, only to turn around, realize what he was losing, and blame that admission on alcohol and food poisoning (I had no interest in him, and hated him for what he was doing to my sister). It brought up insecurities once again, that I thought I'd let go of by that time, and that age.

[Anela]

I've also had someone I loved, who claimed to love me, tell me that he liked me a lot, and told me not to worry my pretty little head about something, also act like the idea that he could be in love with me, was outlandish - unbelievable. He was the bitter guy I mentioned before.