Negative Nancy Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 (edited) That's a rather self indulgent comment to make. That because *you* might not be getting sex *she* should be happy with just getting sex. I'm sorry but that's not right. NO, getting sex is *not* always better then getting nothing. I agree. Since men and women often differ in what they need or want the most in a relationship, I'd like to use another analogy: somedude, getting sex being better than nothing for the woman is the equivalent to a man getting conversations from a woman, but no physical touches and no sex (and how many men on here complain about taking the woman out on dates, having to listen to her and in the end she won't "put out"). So of course to YOU getting sex is better than nothing cos to you sex is what you desire the most as a male (on average). But it's not necessarily what women desire the most, so your statement was influenced by your own needs-colored glasses. It is of course not as absolute and universal as this bold statement - I'm just trying to get the point across. Edited November 5, 2011 by Negative Nancy Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 It don't matter whether I have been there or not. Dating is a numbers game. If you believe it lowers your chances then it does. I'm in a small town and probably had to work 1000 times harder than someone in a big city. Its all about how you look at it. Small town is harder than big city because most desirable people either move or get married so everybody is fighting for the same subset of singles. Small towns are conservative so a guy like me has it even harder. I have accepted that as a challenge but its an upward battle. Its not bad for me here but at some point I may go to a bigger city and get my game on Dude's got a really good point. It is a numbers game. And you can't beat a big city for numbers. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I agree. Since men and women often differ in what they need or want the most in a relationship, I'd like to use another analogy: somedude, getting sex being better than nothing for the woman is the equivalent to a man getting conversations from a woman, but no physical touches and no sex (and how many men on here complain about taking the woman out on dates, having to listen to her and in the end she won't "put out"). So of course to YOU getting sex is better than nothing cos to you sex is what you desire the most as a male (on average). But it's not necessarily what women desire the most, so your statement was influenced by your own needs-colored glasses. It is of course not as absolute and universal as this bold statement - I'm just trying to get the point across. Sorry, I'm going to disagree with you that sex means that little to women. I've read posts by countless women and had PM exchanges as well that are the complete opposite. Taken from a PM "Yes, I did post about it...but honestly, we don't have sex that much and I'm really bothered by that. Maybe once a month or so and it's been 7 months together. We're really off with our sex drives...I'm dying to be honest. I bring it up, he blows it off." That's just one example. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Taken from a PM "Yes, I did post about it...but honestly, we don't have sex that much and I'm really bothered by that. Maybe once a month or so and it's been 7 months together. We're really off with our sex drives...I'm dying to be honest. I bring it up, he blows it off." That's just one example. Obviously, that example is from a woman in a relationship. Take it from me. There are countless women who would prefer to spend their lives without having sex with a man, EVER, if the only options were men they were not attracted to, and / or did not have feelings for. I'm one. I'm a very sexual person, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Yet they choose to have fwb's. Weird. They are probably attracted to their fwb. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolf18 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Yet they choose to have fwb's. Weird. Accountability: woman's kryptonite! Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 So therefore its better than nothing. Being in the friend zone with a girl is also better than nothing... You don't get sex, but hey, at least you get companionship. And yet I see tons of guys on forums like this complaining about it. How exactly is an FWB from a girl's side any different than the friend zone from a guy's side? Link to post Share on other sites
aj22one Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Being in the friend zone with a girl is also better than nothing... You don't get sex, but hey, at least you get companionship. And yet I see tons of guys on forums like this complaining about it. How exactly is an FWB from a girl's side any different than the friend zone from a guy's side? From these guys perspectives, the man doesn't really control whether the woman wants to be more than friends, while (in their eyes) a woman controls whether or not sex happens with or without a relationship. Basically, if you want a relationship you shouldn't be having a FWB, just like we suggest that men stay out of the friend zone. It's an interesting theory whose validity depends very much on your personal perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Being in the friend zone with a girl is also better than nothing... You don't get sex, but hey, at least you get companionship. And yet I see tons of guys on forums like this complaining about it. If you spent months or even longer getting to know somebody's better qualities, and gradually building an attraction to them based on that, and learning about each others lives and insecurities, and finally they rejected you because they think your face is ugly, then you would see how stupid that statement is. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 J200 - Men will still bone those "plain" faced women, if their bodies are "smoking"... or vice versa. Men really aren't that "picky". Most don't need a perfect looking female to penetrate. They seem to have an uncanny ability to isolate parts of a person and detach from the whole .. focusing on what part *does* attract them, rather than focusing on what part doesn't. In any case, being "hot" does not make a woman relationship material --- just like it doesn't make a man one. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 There are plenty of women who are good looking and some who are downright gorgeous that still think they are ugly. The plastic surgery, fashion and cosmetic industries are making a ton of money convincing women that they are not attractive and that men are much more shallow than we actually are. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 There are plenty of women who are good looking and some who are downright gorgeous that still think they are ugly. The plastic surgery, fashion and cosmetic industries are making a ton of money convincing women that they are not attractive and that men are much more shallow than we actually are. I hate when I agree with you Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Wrong yet again. Most guys hate the friend zone so hopefully they will end it right there. Chicks tend to not end fwb. Because they dont hate it. They like it. Exactly. I wish women would stop acting like FWB situations are something men impose on women. Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Not true, in order to be hot you need it ALL. I see plenty of women who are in shape but have a plain or unattractive face and I'm a woman btw. Makeup cannot compensate for UGLY FEATURES; eyes too small, nose too big, non-symmetrical features. It's like putting lipstick on a pig; it doesn't turn it into a swan but it can mask the ugliness just a little bit but smart people won't be fooled. Some people have "weird looking faces" that no makeup can fix. I am talking about the construction of the face; a weird shaped face or a big nose or just an "unattractive face", it's all about BONE STRUCTURE. You can be size ZERO and have terrible bone structure and have a flat looking face. Some people just don't have sex appeal even if they weer makeup and hot outfits; some people just don't have "it" and will never have "it" no matter how hard they try. That is life. He's not talking about turning yourself into a 9 or 10. He's talking about making yourself attractive enough so that a number of men will hit on you and want to date you. And for the most part, I agree with him. Any woman with an average build who dolled herself up enough would get some male attention. Even if her face was really ugly (c'mon, how many women have faces THAT ugly). Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Wrong yet again. Most guys hate the friend zone so hopefully they will end it right there. Chicks tend to not end fwb. Because they dont hate it. They like it. Eh, I think the OP wants more than just FWB though... so in her case, it's probably something she doesn't like. At least it's pretty obvious it's not what she prefers. I do think a lot of guys hate the friend zone though Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Of course it works, but getting that level of confidence is a fairy tale. I bet he had some girl come on to him when he was younger, baby sitter maybe? Or maybe the first girls he had crushes on ended up liking him. Basically, my belief is confidence like that is dependent on luck. I just havent gotten lucky, and my confidence never developed. BTW, why did you ask how many women I've been rejected by? Also, the number that actually said yes, to the point of me being able to at least kiss them has been zero. I don't think it's a fairy tale. What these guys realized is that what is holding them back is fear. Fear of various things - getting rejected, laughed at, looking stupid, etc. Instead of giving in to fear though and letting it paralyze them they see fear as a challenge that they want to overcome. If you want to be more confident with women, you have to ask them out. Many women and many times. If you do it often enough, eventually it won't be such a huge problem for you anymore. The difference between the guys who are bad with women and the ones who are good with them is, the good ones are willing to do something that they didn't feel comfortable with initially knowing that in the end their effort would pay off. Something else, that is a little easier to do would be to smile a lot. You don't even have to say anything, just give everybody who passes your way a genuine smile. People will smile back and you will feel liked. That should also help make you feel better about yourself and encourage you to do the next step - approaching women. Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 There are plenty of women who are good looking and some who are downright gorgeous that still think they are ugly. The plastic surgery, fashion and cosmetic industries are making a ton of money convincing women that they are not attractive and that men are much more shallow than we actually are. They think they're uglier than Scarlett Johannsen, but don't think they're too ugly to reject men average looking men. Introduce me to any pretty woman over the age of 24 in a major metro area who thinks she is truly ugly, and I will introduce you to a talking pigs and donkeys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 He's not talking about turning yourself into a 9 or 10. He's talking about making yourself attractive enough so that a number of men will hit on you and want to date you. And for the most part, I agree with him. Any woman with an average build who dolled herself up enough would get some male attention. Even if her face was really ugly (c'mon, how many women have faces THAT ugly). Not true. Again, maybe I'm just a freak, but I wear make-up regularly (Bare Essentials foundation, eyeliner and lip gloss are my staples but I put on eyeshadow and blush when I go out), I wear non-baggy clothes (they aren't "hot" clothes because those kind of clothes look ridiculous on me... usually it's jeans and a nice blouse or sweater), and I still get zero, absolute zero, attention. Maybe men aren't as shallow as they are painted, but that hasn't been my experience. Link to post Share on other sites
ptp Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Not true. Again, maybe I'm just a freak, but I wear make-up regularly (Bare Essentials foundation, eyeliner and lip gloss are my staples but I put on eyeshadow and blush when I go out), I wear non-baggy clothes (they aren't "hot" clothes because those kind of clothes look ridiculous on me... usually it's jeans and a nice blouse or sweater), and I still get zero, absolute zero, attention. Maybe men aren't as shallow as they are painted, but that hasn't been my experience. Why do you ignore all the positive things people(including me) say in a thread like this? Should people bother giving you constructive criticism if you aren't going to read it? Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Why do you ignore all the positive things people(including me) say in a thread like this? Should people bother giving you constructive criticism if you aren't going to read it? 'cause real life experiences are a little bit more impressionable than online ones... Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Being in the friend zone with a girl is also better than nothing... You don't get sex, but hey, at least you get companionship. And yet I see tons of guys on forums like this complaining about it. How exactly is an FWB from a girl's side any different than the friend zone from a guy's side? Do you really think I get as much out of my friendzone thing as you get out your FWB? Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 Why do you ignore all the positive things people(including me) say in a thread like this? Should people bother giving you constructive criticism if you aren't going to read it? Exactly what constructive criticism of yours are my posts ignoring? That I should "screen out" the bad guys and only go for those that are attracted to me? I've already addressed that: there AREN'T any. That I should be happy being alone, and somehow magically that will get me a boyfriend who likes me. I've been alone for a huge majority of my life... I was single for a year before this FWB came along. It didn't change anything. As to other constructive criticism, all I see are two pieces of advice: "Wear make-up and dress better' (oh gee why didn't I think of that!) and "Go for guys in your league." Well, apparently the only guys in my league are unemployed virgins whose only hobby is sleeping, because I've been rejected by every other type of guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolf18 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Not true, in order to be hot you need it ALL. I see plenty of women who are in shape but have a plain or unattractive face and I'm a woman btw. Makeup cannot compensate for UGLY FEATURES; eyes too small, nose too big, non-symmetrical features. It's like putting lipstick on a pig; it doesn't turn it into a swan but it can mask the ugliness just a little bit but smart people won't be fooled. Some people have "weird looking faces" that no makeup can fix. I am talking about the construction of the face; a weird shaped face or a big nose or just an "unattractive face", it's all about BONE STRUCTURE. You can be size ZERO and have terrible bone structure and have a flat looking face. Some people just don't have sex appeal even if they weer makeup and hot outfits; some people just don't have "it" and will never have "it" no matter how hard they try. That is life. Since you're a woman your opinion doesn't count on women. Trust me when I say, that almost all women who aren't fat are attractive to at the very least , a handful of men, beneath, at and above their leagues. This includes women in wheelchairs, women with acne, women with red hair, women with no personality or aspergers... Their male equivalents are however, indeed held up to your strict standards and tend to be invisible . Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 Since you're a woman your opinion doesn't count on women. Trust me when I say, that almost all women who aren't fat are attractive to at the very least , a handful of men, beneath, at and above their leagues. This includes women in wheelchairs, women with acne, women with red hair, women with no personality or aspergers... Their male equivalents are however, indeed held up to your strict standards and tend to be invisible . Why do you continue to insist spouting this when you are posting IN A THREAD that proves the exact opposite? Link to post Share on other sites
Wolf18 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Why do you continue to insist spouting this when you are posting IN A THREAD that proves the exact opposite? Because I saw your picture and I can guarantee you have countless men who want you. If it's such a big problem, use the money from your fancy computer job to buy me a plane ticket and 3 hots and a cot, I'll be your boytoy Link to post Share on other sites
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