"Its the age thing!"

[Nat]

Need advice!! Im 24 & hes 20. We are attracted to each other...BIG TIME! I am interested in him b/c is hot & he has a great body for a 20 year old!! We are just exactly what we are looking for right now--just a fun relationship, nothing serious. Im a very attractive young women, so by all means I have no problem meeting guys my own age...but, I cant help but feel a strong attraction to him. He actually acts more mature than my last 25 year old boyfriend! A couple days ago, he found out my age by asking around. He came up to me to confirm what he heard b/c he didn't beleive them b/c I am so petite I look like I am 21-22. So today he still continues to flirt with me..not a little, but a lot... as if my age didn't bother him! So Im thinking if it doesn't bother him, then it doesnt bother me & I flirt back! But, why hasn't he asked me out yet? Could it be that he does find me attractive but scared to ask me for a date b/c of the age factor & what his friends might think? What should I do? Bring the subject up? Ask him to go have a drink some where-casually? or drop it & if he wants to be w/ me, he will eventually ask me. HELP!! My time is running short!

[Tony T]

First you say age is not a factor...then you say time is running short...OK, which is it?

 

If you are really interested in this guy, take the initiative. No doubt, he is interested as well but shy about asking an "older woman" out. Discuss the age thing and get it out of the way.

 

As a practical matter, I wouldn't screw around with this guy's feelings to much. This won't be a keeper. No matter how maturue you think he is, he is four years younger and has a lot of life to go through before he will catch up to you.

 

If he was 30 and you were 34, I would say this has a real chance of for lasting if you make it so. But when the guy is 20, no matter how much muscle mass he has on his body, he's still a little boy and has lot's of growing up to do in life.

 

Have a fun time with him...and let him know that you are out for a good time. If you're still together in four or five years, he's out of college, has a good job, etc., then you can take the relationship to higher level.

 

Note: People who had a parent who died or abandoned them when they were young through divorce or other means often become "frozen" emotionally at a young age and for many years are attracted to much younger people. I'm not saying that's the case with you but I've seen it happen. You'd be surprised at the number of people with arrested emotional development who keep dating the young chirpies 15, 20, even 25 years younger than them.

 

In the case of the death of a parent, dating or marrying people much younger seems to be a way of subconsciously ensuring they will not be left behind by the death of their spouse.

[Deejette]

I have been involved with men much younger than I was, and though they were cute and cuddly, eventually their immaturity caused me to lose respect. But I have also been with men 10 years or more youger than I am and they really were mature and capable of a great relationship. So it is really an individual thing.

 

But I would still wait for him to ask you out, because things can get very difficult around the workplace if things don't work out and he tells his friends that you have the hots for him.

First you say age is not a factor...then you say time is running short...OK, which is it?

 

If you are really interested in this guy, take the initiative. No doubt, he is interested as well but shy about asking an "older woman" out. Discuss the age thing and get it out of the way. As a practical matter, I wouldn't screw around with this guy's feelings to much. This won't be a keeper. No matter how maturue you think he is, he is four years younger and has a lot of life to go through before he will catch up to you.

 

If he was 30 and you were 34, I would say this has a real chance of for lasting if you make it so. But when the guy is 20, no matter how much muscle mass he has on his body, he's still a little boy and has lot's of growing up to do in life.

 

Have a fun time with him...and let him know that you are out for a good time. If you're still together in four or five years, he's out of college, has a good job, etc., then you can take the relationship to higher level. Note: People who had a parent who died or abandoned them when they were young through divorce or other means often become "frozen" emotionally at a young age and for many years are attracted to much younger people. I'm not saying that's the case with you but I've seen it happen. You'd be surprised at the number of people with arrested emotional development who keep dating the young chirpies 15, 20, even 25 years younger than them. In the case of the death of a parent, dating or marrying people much younger seems to be a way of subconsciously ensuring they will not be left behind by the death of their spouse.

[Jenna]

First of all- the "getting a drink" thing is a bad idea- unless you were talking about Kool-aid- if he's 20 -he's not old enough to drink yet.

 

Aside from that- if you are attracted to him- and he you- go for it. But as Tony said- don't expect too much out of the relationship. It's easy to "appear" mature- but its another thing to be faced with a grown up situation and handle it accordingly- when you just don't have the experience to do so. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him- just that you are going to find that you are way ahead of him in "mind years"- so be prepared.

 

Good Luck- Jenna

I have been involved with men much younger than I was, and though they were cute and cuddly, eventually their immaturity caused me to lose respect. But I have also been with men 10 years or more youger than I am and they really were mature and capable of a great relationship. So it is really an individual thing. But I would still wait for him to ask you out, because things can get very difficult around the workplace if things don't work out and he tells his friends that you have the hots for him.