Road trip with the Ex...

[missed_theboat]

Well, this is an interesting situation. I've written about it before, but there are updates this time.

 

We broke up about a month ago. We have been in contact since then. I had been living with him, but I lost my job, so I headed back towards where I came from (to live with my parents) and my ex helped me move. He was kind and courteous and even met my parents and me with the rest of my furniture and helped us load it all. We communicated, saying we'd see each other before we knew it.

 

Over the next few days, we spoke off and on through text. Then, I decided to stop initiating our texting and communication--just to see what happened. We weren't on bad-terms, and there was still a chance we could get back together, so sure enough, after a few days, he called to talk. We chatted some.

 

From that point on, at least once a week, he'd call to chat, catch-up, etc. It was nice, and we ended up talking about the possibility of getting back together. He's getting therapy for personal issues, getting his s*it together, so to speak. He says he loves me and that he wants to be with me more than anything, but it's not possible right now (we had a difficult relationship there at the end).

 

So... he's making a large sum of money soon and he's going to buy a luxury car and take a road trip for a couple weeks. He mentioned it to me and then casually mentioned taking me along as a passenger. I was thrilled, but I thought he was teasing me. He wasn't. He said he didn't even know if I'd want to, but I told him of course I would. He said he didn't know what it'd mean, but he'd love to have me along.

 

We've been talking about this trip and it is scheduled for next weekend. I am excited about it--excited about seeing him, about making-love. We have talked about the fact that we cannot go on a two-week road trip without having mad sex with each other! It's slightly odd, but I know that I love this man more than anything and this trip means a lot. It means a lot that he invited me.

 

I do not expect that this means we are "getting back together" or whatever, but I also don't think he's using me. He's not seeing anyone else, and he's going through a very hard time in his personal life. He needs this trip for himself--which almost made me want to decline his invitation, so he could have some alone time, but then again, how fun is a great road trip ALONE? He knows we'd have a blast together, so why not forget our woes for a couple weeks and explore in an expensive freaking convertible?

 

Also, since he invited me, he has texted me a few times, just to say random things. The other night, he texted me "Good night; have sweet dreams" and I was shocked. He used to do that during our relationship, but hasn't in a while. I thought "wow, he's thinking of me" and it was flattering. He's not the type to Bulls*it or pander to anyone, so this is real stuff.

 

He was joking with me about not knowing which color convertible to get and I said "you'll never actually buy it because you can never decide!" and he wrote back "yes I will, because I want to see you," and that meant a lot. I was slightly swooning. He's normally a sweetheart, but this month since we've been apart that kind of comment is rare and precious.

 

This time apart has been amazing to make me realize how much I truly love him and want another chance with him. I hope this trip will be fun and carefree above all, but I also hope that it will give us the opportunity to see how compatible we are after the breathing room that this month has allowed. A month is not a long time in the scheme of things, but it has been necessary for both of us to evaluate our lives and our states of mind.

 

What do you think all this means? Does he miss me? I know people who don't know him will think he's just taking me on this trip to get some sex and have a good time with me, and of course we'd have a great time, but I know him better and he's not a user.

 

Anyone have a similar experience? Thoughts?

[USMCHokie]

When I broke up with my ex two years ago, I offered to take her with me on a work trip to Germany about a month after the breakup. Let's just say I'm glad she declined.

[missed_theboat]

When I broke up with my ex two years ago, I offered to take her with me on a work trip to Germany about a month after the breakup. Let's just say I'm glad she declined.

 

You're glad she declined because you were able to find some German girls to mess around with? Or just because it would have been a bad-idea for you two?

[USMCHokie]

You're glad she declined because you were able to find some German girls to mess around with? Or just because it would have been a bad-idea for you two?

 

Hahah, not at all. Not my style... But all it would have done was prolong the inevitable and drag out something that wasn't meant to be. It was my first real breakup, and having been miserable for as long as I was, it made me appreciate the value of the clean break and learning to accept how life turns out. So looking back on it, I'm glad she declined. Nothing good would have come from it since I was still emotionally attached. Carefree fun would have been impossible.

[missed_theboat]

Ah yes, I see. Well, we're still talking about getting back together, so both of us are emotionally invested. We've both talked about the possibility that we get back together after he figures out his particular issues.

 

I love him deeply, but not in an obsessed way. I just wondered if anyone had experienced this before, but I really really want to ride an Audi R8 Spyder around the country for a couple weeks! I think it'd be a great and fun time, especially with him. And of course there's the chance that we'd get all nostalgic on each other, but I have had so many chances to break down over the phone, but it just doesn't come to me at the moment and I find myself laughing and catching up instead.

 

Who knows... it all depends on each individual situation I guess, and what motivations the two people have in it. If there's an investment in a real future together or just the "missing having a partner" feeling.

[USMCHokie]

Well take it a day at a time and treat it as what it is...a road trip with someone you'd have fun with. I don't know the details of your breakup so I can't really say more.

[Star Gazer]

I think you should go, but not for some silly car or the trip itself, but to explore the relationship further.

[USMCHokie]

I think you should go, but not for some silly car or the trip itself, but to explore the relationship further.

 

The R8 is not silly.

[Star Gazer]

The R8 is not silly.

 

I'm not impressed by a car, and wouldn't be motivated to go on a road trip based on what I'd be traveling in. I'd be more concerned with the company...

[USMCHokie]

I'm not impressed by a car, and wouldn't be motivated to go on a road trip based on what I'd be traveling in. I'd be more concerned with the company...

 

Of course, and I agree, a road trip is only as good as who you're with. But the R8 is still not silly.

[Star Gazer]

Yes, it is. Why? Because Star said so.

[missed_theboat]

I agree with both of you. I definitely would love to ride in the R8 (I mean daammmn) but then again, I've never been a car-girl. I'm not shallow in that way, either. If we go in his old van (where we used to take road trips and write messages of our journeys on the inside wall and stick bumper stickers to the back and pull over to bang in the back) then I'd still love it all the more because it would be with him!

 

I agree with you Star, about going to explore the relationship. Honestly, if I thought it was just a meaningless road trip, I wouldn't be so excited. I'm more excited to get to spend some quality time driving with him (one on one). I mean this is like being together 24/7, so it's definitely an intimate offer.

[missingno]

I'm only 22 so I'm really young and might sound dumb about relationship stuff but I had a similar thing happen. I was dating a girl and her family and I planned to go to Texas by driving and stay there for a few days. It was a 10 day trip. A month before we broke up and we didnt talk much until a week before. She told me I could still come along as friends and what not. I declined after a few offers. She asked if I could stop by and say bye before the trip and I did and she kissed me. The whole trip she blew up my phone with messages about how much she missed me and sent me pictures of what she was seeing. She came back and got back together within a few days. Yes I was upset that I didn't go but I got my girl back. 2 months later we made our own trip together and flew to Texas and stayed for a week.

[missed_theboat]

I'm only 22 so I'm really young and might sound dumb about relationship stuff but I had a similar thing happen. I was dating a girl and her family and I planned to go to Texas by driving and stay there for a few days. It was a 10 day trip. A month before we broke up and we didnt talk much until a week before. She told me I could still come along as friends and what not. I declined after a few offers. She asked if I could stop by and say bye before the trip and I did and she kissed me. The whole trip she blew up my phone with messages about how much she missed me and sent me pictures of what she was seeing. She came back and got back together within a few days. Yes I was upset that I didn't go but I got my girl back. 2 months later we made our own trip together and flew to Texas and stayed for a week.

 

I'm only 22, also--so you're not dumb at all. Thanks for the story! I definitely am happy he invited me to go on this trip with him. I was worried when he was telling me all about this big trip that he wouldn't invite me! I kept hearing about all that he was going to do and then when he asked to have a partner to go along with him, I was ecstatic!

[USMCHokie]

Yes, it is. Why? Because Star said so.

 

Noted.

 

But OP, have fun on the trip, it seems like your mind is made up.

[missed_theboat]

Noted.

 

But OP, have fun on the trip, it seems like your mind is made up.

 

Ooh definitely! Thanks! I hope it all goes well!

[Star Gazer]

Sooo... when's the trip??

[missed_theboat]

Sooo... when's the trip??

 

We're leaving on the 11th (two days after my birthday and one day before his!) and we'll be gone for 10 days.

 

He called me this morning to ask me if I thought it was a good idea. I hesitated at first, hoping he wasn't going to break some bad-news to me that he'd changed his mind. So, I said "I was really looking forward to this," and he said "Yes, me too, but is it a good idea?"

 

I said, "I think it is. Yes."

 

He said "Good, I just wanted to see what you'd say,"

 

I asked what he had wanted me to say, and he said "I just wanted to make sure you could answer that without freaking out and assuming I was trying to tell you something else." He's gauging me because he wants the trip to be light and not heavy.

 

I teased that he "tests me everyday".

 

He says in a lighthearted way, "But we don't talk everyday! You don't even call me at all. I'm the one who calls. You don't even text that often,"

 

Wow, I never would have imagined he'd make a comment about that! Do you suppose he wants me to initiate more contact?

 

He's called twice this week already, which is really something. He called Monday and then again this morning.

 

After his therapy appointment today, he texted me to let me know how it went and told me he's relieved. I was so moved that he's doing so well with his personal issues and conveyed that I was happy for him, after which I wrote "I love you."

 

He replied, "I love you, too". It's not uncommon for us to say I love you. Up to this point, he had been the one to say I love you after a conversation that was especially emotional. This is the first time I've come out of the blue to say it, but it felt right and I know he loves me. Our situation is unique, but I am looking forward to our vacation very much.

 

He said to me "I just know that during our trip, when we're lying in bed together in the hotel, or after having a really good time someplace, you'll think 'I want this back' and I'll think the same thing... and I know the conversation will come up." And I agreed. I said we'd see how it goes at the time, and not anticipate conversations. If they come up, they do, and we'll deal with it. He agreed and said he just didn't want to have that heavy conversation right away, although he knows it is inevitable.

[Star Gazer]

He says in a lighthearted way, "But we don't talk everyday! You don't even call me at all. I'm the one who calls. You don't even text that often,"

 

Wow, I never would have imagined he'd make a comment about that! Do you suppose he wants me to initiate more contact?

 

That's how I'd interpret it. But I'm not sure I'd acquiesce just yet...

 

Our situation is unique, but I am looking forward to our vacation very much.

 

Your situation also sounds very special. I hope it turns out to be everything you're hoping for.

[missed_theboat]

That's how I'd interpret it. But I'm not sure I'd acquiesce just yet...

 

 

 

Your situation also sounds very special. I hope it turns out to be everything you're hoping for.

 

 

Yeah I'm going to continue to stay with what I've been doing and let him chase me for a while. It's kind of nice! But I certainly won't ignore him or anything like that.

 

And thank you. I appreciate that! I really hope it does, too.

[missed_theboat]

Oh **** guys I almost ruined it!

Today I texted him to say I was gonna be in his town tomorrow and we ended up on the phone.

 

He told me his parents wanted to celebrate his birthday with him so he'd be leaving later. I flipped. I started to panic, because my parents are giving me crap for not having a job and I've been putting off applying until after the job. So I started saying I couldnt wait any longer and that I wouldn't be able to go. So he said "ok I understand." and kind of just was saying if I had other things going on then it was ok. Then I regretted it, so I said I wanted to go and he got upset at the way I handled it and almost disinvited me!

[missed_theboat]

I'm back on! It was just a misunderstanding. But, the sad thing is, we always misinterpret each other and it was one of our problems during the relationship. However, we are going, a week from tomorrow. Give me strength!

 

This has to be one of the most intense situations of my life.

[confused kitty]

be patient.. just think in 7days time you'l have him all to yourself...enjoy!

 

Keep us all posted!

[missed_theboat]

be patient.. just think in 7days time you'l have him all to yourself...enjoy!

 

Keep us all posted!

 

 

Thanks. Man my poor heart cannot handle all this. And yes, the thought of this road trip is great! Then I will have him 24/7 for 10 whole days!

[missed_theboat]

Ok, I'm going crazy. Literally.

 

My ex texted me a bunch of things and would not call me to explain anything. We texted throughout the day, but he said he was having a really hard time with his anxiety. He said he was having a very emotionally trying time. Yesterday, he did not contact me at all, so around 6PM, I asked him how he was. He said he was going to be fine, but that he was having a really hard time and had gotten some medication for his anxiety. I was shocked, considering he has been on meds before and hated them. But I guess he's feeling even worse. So I told him I was there for him, if he needed anything.

 

Then I was trying to cheer him up so I asked if he was excited for the roadtrip. He said he was anxious about it, because it's his thing but he thinks I made it into my thing by calling the shots and getting upset about when we would leave. He said it was making him feel upset and that he knew I was looking forward to it, but that I was supposed to be a passenger and it was supposed to be his thing--his reward and his getaway. He just thinks I've made myself the center of it, instead of just tagging along.

 

So, I told him I was sorry and that I only wanted him to have a good time. I told him I knew it wasn't my trip, and that it was just about him getting away, etc. This was all through text message. Then I said "I just want to help you have a good time. Will you trust me to help you do that?"

 

And he responded, "i'm trying".

 

It makes me so sad that he's so sad. He has this terrible anxiety and I am literally anxious for him. I know I should worry about myself and just forget about it, but I care about him and I don't want him to be in pain.

 

Selfishly, I do want to go on this trip, but not for any ulterior motives. I just know that if he goes alone, he'll dwell on things--as he tends to do, and I can take his mind off the things that I know upset him. I know I can make him laugh and I had planned to bring him a birthday gift and some homemade snacks for the road.

 

Now, I have literally been thinking about this nonstop. It's unhealthy, really. I want to give him space, because I know he's going through things I don't understand. At the same time, I need to know if we're still going, because I cannot continue to hope and wish for this and then be let-down hard when I find out he's changed his mind. He probably isn't sure. He would have told me by now if he's not into the idea; he doesn't bull-sh*t. So there's as good a chance I'm still going. I want to ask him, but I also don't want to bother him.

 

Our trip is Sunday, which gives some time in between for him to think. I want to give it a few days to see if he'll contact me to let me know something (even if it's that I'm not going). Should I wait on him or try to call (each time I've tried these past two days he hasn't answered, but texted instead, not able to talk). I know it's not just me, as we had been talking in a friendly way before this. I know he had an emotional breakdown and so for that reason I really feel it is best to let him contact me. I'm just so damn anxious... it's causing me to be physically sick.