Love hurts

[Gal]

I'm 19 yrs old and I met my boyfriend in high school. We've been together for almost three years and durning those years we've been through so much. After 6 months of us dating and saying "I love you" he cheated on me with someone we used to hang out with. He said they didn't have sex. We were 17 and I decided to stay with him. He did it again later durin the summer when we took a "break" with a friends cousin. And again I forgave him because I was young and in love. I gave him hell though for a very long time. It broke my heart. Anyways we dated on and off again in high school but always had stroganoff feelings for each other and always ended up back together.

 

After high school we moved in together and everything was perfect. It was just us two and I was so happy. We were best friends who love spending every second together. He also has depression and at that time it was really bad. He hated himself most of the time. He gained weight, lost his job and started doing illegal things to make money. Basically I was supporting us emotionally, mentally and financially. There were times where he was so depressed he wouldnt even hear me talking to him because he was so lost inside his head. We moved out with roomates into an apartment and he finally got a good job. He's come such a long way from where he was and I am so proud of him. He's overcame his depression and knows how to deal with it now. He's finally mentally, emotionally and financially (kind of) stable.

 

But after a few months in the apartment, he slowly began detaching himself from me. Spending more and more time with his friends and ignoring me. I didn't think anything of it at first because he's always been such a good and attentive, sensitive boyfriend. But after a few months it really wore on me. I started telling him I was unhappy and that I wanted to move out and get our own place but he just made excuses and finally compromised and said he'd be willing to in 6 or 8 months. But I felt like he just didn't want to. Over time I kept telling him that I wanted to spend more time together and I talked to him about always being with his friends and he seemed to understand but nothing ever really changed. I even told him that I felt like he didnt really appreciate me but he brushed it off and said that he did.

 

The night before Halloween I got dressed up in a cute, kinda skanky, outfit ha and went out with my girlfriend. When we were leaving he barely looked away from the computer to say goodbye. No hug, kiss, no "where are you going? Who with? What're you gonna do?" I dont want a dad and I know he trusts me but it just seemed like he didn't really care. So I went out, got drunk with my girlfriend and one of her guy co workers. We ended up staying up all night drinking at her other co workers house and when the sun came up her friend drove us back to his house where my car was. I decided to sleep for a few because I wasn't in the state to drive so me and my friend laid in his bed. We ended up hooking up and at 9 my bf finally texts me to see where I am. I'm not saying by any means it was an excuse because it's not. It was a horrible thing I did, and I wish I could take it back but this random guy showing me affection and attention, treating me like I was really special made me fall for it against my better judgment. I lovey boyfriend with all my heart and i ended up telling him what happened because as I was trying to break up with him, he was bein so nice and I couldn't not tell him. He was so hurt but forgave me instantly. I don't know what to do. At this exact second he is in the living room playing cod with his friends and I'm still in the room. He's moving out tomorrow. He says he still loves me and i love him so much but I know this has to end. It's just so sad. It breaks my heart because he's my first real love. But maybe it is time to move on. I have hopes in the back of my mind that maybe he'll realize what he had and want me back even though I did something horrible. I hope that one day when we've both matured we will find a way to be together. I'm so confused. Is this over for good?? I still love him incredibly and he really is such a great guy but I think he is going through a phase where he doesn't want to be responsible for anyone other than himself. Is it crazy that I still want to repair this someday? Ugh I hate this and I'm so depressed. I'm going to try to focus on myself more, join a gym, start a hobby, show him that I'm ok even though I'm torn to peices. I hate what I did and I hate a part of me for doing it. I hate being young and I hate bein in love with someone.

[Professor X]

because he's always been such a good and attentive, sensitive boyfriend

Except for the times he cheated on you lol ?!!?!?

 

Is this over for good?? I still love him incredibly and he really is such a great guy but I think he is going through a phase where he doesn't want to be responsible for anyone other than himself. Is it crazy that I still want to repair this someday? Ugh I hate this and I'm so depressed. I'm going to try to focus on myself more, join a gym, start a hobby, show him that I'm ok even though I'm torn to peices. I hate what I did and I hate a part of me for doing it. I hate being young and I hate bein in love with someone.

It was over long time ago hon.

You need to keep reminding yourself why you felt like sleeping with another man will fix your issues, you need to remember that your BF (should be ex' TBH) isn't attentive to your needs and quite obviously, doesn't care that much about you.

 

You're young and in most likely-hood, you two just grew into 2 different paths in life.

Time to move on.

 

P.S. I hope you also realize what a mess your RS is, that's not how it's suppose to be. He cheated on you once, than again, you lashed out on him, than moved in together (god knows why), than he got depressed -> you got depressed, you cheated.

 

You're young. Go find a guy who won't cheat on you and that you won't want to cheat on him.