Rings

[Reuben Kinkaid]

As some of you may know, my wife is physically ill. It's not terminal, she still works as we both do (from home) and by all indications she appears perfectly normal to the outside world. But when her illness flares, as it is now, she can be wiped for energy on some days. On other days she appears 100 percent.

 

But lately she's removed her wedding and engagement ring for a day or two at a time. She did this once before for a month or two when her illness also was flaring. I never asked about it as I believe her condition does make her somewhat bloated and removing the rings might relieve some pressure.

 

I've never said anything, but to some degree it hurts me personally when she removes the rings. Never even brought it up in marriage counseling when we went.

 

It's not like she's taking off her rings and hitting the singles bars, she's just taking them off. And like I said, recently it's just been for a day or two here and there. Maybe she'll go to the store without them or Starbucks or whatever. But then the next day she'll be wearing them.

 

I never take off my ring. I fiddle with it sometimes during meetings or when nervous, but it never comes off. Today, I noticed her rings are on her dresser and part of me wants to take mine off and put it with hers. Just to judge her reaction. But I'm guessing this is being passive aggressive and not very constructive.

 

I have a close friend and his wife and he both would remove their wedding rings when they got home from work. I thought this was strange when I saw them do it once. They're now divorced.

 

I doubt the rings had anything to do with it, but I just find the idea of removing your wedding rings for any reason aside from refitting or broken finger etc. to be kind of ... weird?

 

Am I being petty? Am I seeing conspiracies where none exist? Perhaps I'm ill too, but just in my mind?

[xxoo]

I doubt the rings had anything to do with it, but I just find the idea of removing your wedding rings for any reason aside from refitting or broken finger etc. to be kind of ... weird?

 

Am I being petty? Am I seeing conspiracies where none exist? Perhaps I'm ill too, but just in my mind?

 

I think it is weird to never remove it.

 

I only wear mine when I leave the house, and sometimes not even then. I take off my rings as soon as I get in the door. If I forget, they come off the first time I wash my hands, for sure.

 

A change in behavior (suddenly removing them) may be a problem, but wearing rings as a habit doesn't necessarily mean much at all...

[norajane]

My parents didn't even have wedding rings. They couldn't afford them when they got married, and then didn't bother with them later. My mom has one now, but my dad still doesn't. They've been married 45 years...just had an anniversary this week!

She did this once before for a month or two when her illness also was flaring. I never asked about it as I believe her condition does make her somewhat bloated and removing the rings might relieve some pressure.

 

This is likely the cause - she has some pain or pressure. I would err on the side of compassion and just ask her. "I've noticed you sometimes take your ring off...are they causing you pain? Should we get your rings resized to fit better?" Something like that.

 

Give her the benefit of the doubt rather than letting your imagination run away with you.

[carhill]

Her personal attachment to her wedding and engagement rings may differ from yours and, in her mind, comfort during her illness supersedes the attachment.

 

I can share that my mom wore her rings until we removed them after she became demented, long (decades) after my father died.

 

A possible middle ground would be, if not contra-indicated medically, for her to string them on a chain and wear as a necklace during her periods of discomfort. Something I noted, when married and having issues with swelling, was that my ring finger on my right hand was a bit smaller than that on my left, so sometimes I'd switch fingers. The only time my wedding band came off was when I was working in live electrical panels, as a safety precaution, and my work is primarily with machine tools and welders. I really never saw a reason to remove it.

 

My opinion is that this isn't an earth-shattering issue, but something apparently relevant to your 'connection' and worthy of resolution. What do you propose to resolve it?

Edited November 2, 2011 by carhill

[Reuben Kinkaid]

I'm being irrational. Okay. I just needed to hear someone else who's a little more level-headed and a disinterested third-party. I will let it go and not focus on it.

 

As for what I'm going to do about the other issues, I don't know.

 

Thanks for the input!

Edited November 2, 2011 by Reuben Kinkaid

[giotto]

I took my wedding ring off once for two days because I caught it in a door handle and it really hurt my finger... my wife noticed immediately and asked me why... I told her the truth. She always wear it and I always wear it and I'm attached to it. I think I know where you are coming from...

[make me believe]

I can see where you're coming from as well because I'm very attached to my wedding rings and LOVE seeing my husband wearing his. I would be concerned if he decided to stop wearing his & I would ask him about it. But it sounds like your wife takes hers off when they are causing her physical discomfort. So in that case, you are being a bit irrational to want to do something like take yours off too to show her how it feels. Maybe you could buy her a plain, cheap ring in a bigger size that she can wear when her fingers are bloated or swollen.

[carhill]

Maybe you could buy her a plain, cheap ring in a bigger size that she can wear when her fingers are bloated or swollen.

 

Great idea.

 

I'd probably take a piece of titanium and make one in the shop. Not only properly sized for the swollen finger but also light

[xxoo]

It always surprises me how other people wear their wedding rings all the time. My mother and grandmother (both married many decades) each have a small dish where they put their rings when they do dishes, shower, sleep, etc.

[Afishwithabike]

My parents don't have wedding rings either. I sure hope they're legitimately married.

 

I get where you're coming from, Reuben. I wear my engagement and wedding rings all the time except for the few times a year I take them off to clean them. If I took them off to do the dishes or household chores, with my luck, I'll lose them. I'd be crushed if lost them because we spent quite a bit of money on my rings plus the rings have great sentimental value. My husband takes his wedding ring off occasionally when he's taking a bath, but he always wears it when he leaves the house. If he stopped wearing his ring, I would be curious and maybe even concerned.

 

It sounds to me like your wife is taking off her ring because of physical discomfort rather than a lack of connection to you. I would either get her current ring resized or get a larger, more comfortable ring as a previous poster suggeste.

[Lucky_One]

Oops. I just noticed I am not wearing my rings. I took them all off when I was carving jack o'lanterns Monday; I can't stand getting stuff caught in the prongs. They are in my jewelry box.

 

My H takes his off a lot in the summer when his fingers swell. If we sized it bigger, then it's too big in the winter.

[Hanther]

I wear mine all the time. It's only come off twice since the day I got it and those two times were because I just wanted to look at it. I'm attached to it and I know if I took it off regularly I'd lose it. (Which is why I got the thing sized so that I have to use lube to get it off - lol). Also we have lots of pesky pets - one in particular - that would probably steal it if he saw me put it down.

[Breezy Trousers]

Interesting! I've never given it much thought until now.

 

I can only recall a couple times in nearly 20 years I've taken my wedding ring off, and that was before surgery. Aside from that, no.

 

My husband is always wearing his ring, too. At least, I think he does.... Experience has taught me not to assume I know everything anymore.

[Citizen Erased]

It always surprises me how other people wear their wedding rings all the time. My mother and grandmother (both married many decades) each have a small dish where they put their rings when they do dishes, shower, sleep, etc.

Yeah, I take mine off when I shower and also when I'm preparing dinner. I am slightly nutty when it comes to handling food properly.

[Breezy Trousers]

Am I being petty? Am I seeing conspiracies where none exist? Perhaps I'm ill too, but just in my mind?

 

I think your post is sweet.

 

No, you're not being petty. You may be assigning a different meaning to the ring-wearing than, perhaps, your wife is. She may be completely unaware of your feelings. Tell her. She may be touched rather than offended.