Seeing Ex in the street

[Renard99]

Hello all

 

This is just something I'm throwing out there.

 

For those that don't know, basically, I was dumped back in January after what was just short of an 8 year relationship. It was a typical case of GIGS. Having had a very sheltered childhood she went through the 'finding yourself' phase that most of us do in our late teens, just in her late 20s

 

Anyway, after a brief spark of potential reconciliation that went nowhere, I'm now in a new relationship. Now, this relationship is turning out to be far better than the previous. I never realised how much hard work the previous relationship was until I started this new one. It's like a breathe of fresh air. The people that once told me that my last relationship was dragging me down are all now saying I'm like a new person, like the friend they once knew all those years ago. The new gf has integrated well with my friends, something my ex never did, meaning I've also strengthed bonds with friends that were lost over the course of the old relationship. Overall, I feel great.

 

But then, working on the same street as my ex, I see her often. And when I do, I begin to think of her again and almost pine for her, even though the more I do with the new woman, the more I realise the previous relationship was bad for me. When I'm not in the presence of my ex I don't think about her at all, and, in fact, I just think how much I want to be with my new gf.

 

Do people think this is something I should be worried about or is it just the echo of a relationship that lasted over a quarter of my life so far?

[fistandantulus]

From my point of view, it either means that you got into a new relationship before you were fully recovered or because you spent a very long time with your ex, some minor emotions are just surfacing, which is quite normal. You need to realize that, loving someone is under our control, if you've maintained your sanity. That is why GIGS, according to me, always say that "the feeling is just not there". It is easier for them to assume love as if it is something that just falls over you, because they don't need to work for it. But, I know that how hard it is to love someone and keep on doing so, because you need to put constant effort into it. If you want to love your new partner, then do so and never look back. Always remember that your ex couldn't put the effort in you and will never do unless something miraculous happens to her. But, you can turn in to your new gf, love her and get some in return. And if you don't want to love her, then don't drag her into a mess at least.

[Popehappycat]

Personally, I think it's normal. As the above poster mentioned, as long as your intentions are good with the new girl, it might just be residual. 8 years is a good chunk of your life and you shared a metric sh*t ton of experiences, moments, ups and downs, etc. Maybe you feel bad for her, or want to help her, honestly still care or still have some resentment (justifiably), and often times you can't properly interpret emotions because a lot of them share that common "lump in the chest". I, for one say, if you're happy with new girl, learn from past experiences and mistakes and move forward and never settle and keep your partner's well-being and feelings in your mind and be the person your ex will never get to have! Over time, wounds heal, though she may never leave your thoughts for good, push it aside and live your life free of somebody's undeserving control. Best of luck!