The Outlaw Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 I mean I know of a couple of things, but what are other signs? And what's the best course of action to take on it all? Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 For me, I start to feel used if the amount of energy spent is unbalanced. i.e.---If they call me to dump on me, and use me as a sounding board, repeatedly---but are nowhere to be found when I need an ear.......... Then I'll start feeling used. Depending on how long-term the friendship is, I might try to discussing it with them first. If that doesn't help to balance things out, then I will step back and re-evaluate whether or not I want the friendship in my life. I've had to cut a handful of friends loose for just what I described---I was there for them when they were in a crisis, providing emotional support, practical support, etc. but when I was in a crisis, they couldn't find the time to reciprocate. I totally understand that people get truly busy, and life happens---but it seems to me a true friend can find 5 minutes to make a quick, "hey, I'm thinking of you" type of call, even if they don't have time to talk. OP, is there something specific going on in your life that led you to bring this up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Outlaw Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 @Freestyle: Very sadly, this 'friend' I just described is an internet friend that I've been speaking to for months now. It's just a sneaking suspicion that yeah, she's using me to help balance her out and all. Unfortunately, you don't know because we can't see their faces. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 That's the thing with internet friendships--I've made a handful of friends on the net, even here at LS, but I set my expectations differently. I think it was Carhill here, who said, "there's no substitute for shaking someone's hand, and being able to look them in the eye......." I think there's a lot of truth to that. I'm not saying that people can't make great friendships online--but I think we should be careful to make sure it doesn't become one person playing the sounding board all the time for the other person.BOTH parties' needs should be met. Another thing I've learned to watch out for, both online and IRL---is to not invest too much energy on friendships that are ONLY based on mutual commiseration. For myself, I want a friend I can go out dancing with , or see a show, or go for a walk---essentially share some positive energy with. We all need to talk out our problems from time to time, but I believe it should be balanced with enjoying life, too--so now I avoid people who ONLY want to talk about their problems, and never seem to want to enjoy themselves. The people who only talk about their problems are too draining to be around........ Are you finding things to be unbalanced with your friend? Have you tried to discuss it with her? Does she seem to show a genuine interest in you, and your life, or is she using you for an ear? Does it seem like she dominates the conversations into being about her, and her stuff? Link to post Share on other sites
BrentB Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Honestly, I think it's a two way street. If someone is manipulating you, then you probably have some unconscious need to be manipulated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Outlaw Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 @Freestyle-She seems to show and interest, but to a lesser and lesser degree. I seem to be more of an ear now than anything, as she comes to me with her problems, but has a few faves on this site she talks to about everything else, with the exception of her problems. I haven't confronted her with these facts just yet. Link to post Share on other sites
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