And I was starting to feel so much better...

[BigDumbFoot]

So about 4 months ago my ex broke up with me. It was one of those G.I.G.S. types of situations I guess. Or maybe not because she started dating a dude almost right out of the gate. So needless to say I was pretty devastated (because to me it felt like it came out of nowhere.. We were together for almost 7 years, then she just pulls **** ****..). We have been NC for a little over a month, except for a couple of "business" related things here and there, and I'd been able to recover at a slow but sure during that time. Today was an especially good day for me. The weather was great, and I am finally starting to get settled into my new job... All of the sudden, on my way home from getting my hair cut, I see my ex and her new boyfriend in his car together and they just happen to driving down the same road I am on. I end up behind them. For some reason I just start seeing red. I drive really fast to catch up to them, then as they stop at a sign I lean on my horn and flip them off. I wait until they both see me then I turn down the street my house is on. I wanted to do much worse than that, but, thankfully, just resorted to flipping the bird.

 

Shortly after this I start having that evil feeling in the pit of my stomach, then my eyes well up with tears and i start sobbing. I immediately regret my decision at this point, but it's too late to do anything about it. The thing is I can't escape her! She literally lives two blocks from me, so I still run into her once in a great while. Every time I do it just opens up old wounds. I get that terrible 'heart just torn out' feeling again. I start thinking about the fact that I wasn't good enough for her. That she had to go out and start seeing someone new because, I don't know, there is something fundamentally wrong with my personality or something. I know that these things aren't true, but whenever I see her, this is what pops into my head. At this point I am almost willing to just say "**** it" and move to a new city, or at least to another part of the city that isn't anywhere close to her. I have friends here and everything, but it's just not worth the heart ache I get when I happen to run into her.

 

Did I do the wrong thing? Should I have just held my anger back to express it at a more appropriate time? I have tried really really hard not to do anything petty (I do fantasize about it plenty though) and I feel like what I did was pretty juvenile. At some point in the (probably) distant future, I would like to be on good terms with her, seeing as how we got along really great. I'm afraid that I might have just ruined that chance..

 

One more question.. Is what happened considered breaking No Contact ?

[fistandantulus]

What you did was quite immature. But, you at least realized that. Keep this in mind, you did the best you could for the relationship. There could be points that you could have done better, for sure, because we are humans and we make mistakes. It is her failure to forgive you for the things that you did wrong and not reciprocating your love for her. It is simply because she never loved you, and will never love you. She doesn't know what love is and could never give you the love. She can't respect you because she doesn't respect herself in the first place.

It is not you bro, stand straight! She is immature and doesn't know how to deal with a relationship. Don't put yourself in a similar situation again, be mature and cool.

You won't be totally healed until you stop feeling any kind emotion for her. When you are healed, you won't feel any hatred, pity, love, etc. Just nothing, complete blank.

 

Cheers

[BigDumbFoot]

I seriously just let my emotions get the best of me. I have issues with that, and it's been one of the things that I've been trying to work since NC started. I'm still really torn up inside about everything..

 

I feel really terrible doing what I did.. But I can't change it now! It's history and I have to let it go. Of course I could have done something worse. What I WANTED to do was follow them down the road leaning on my horn the whole time. Eventually we'd both stop and I'd get out of the car and beat his face in. But obviously I didn't do that.. So what happened really wasn't so bad if you look at it in that light.

 

The thing is, I don't think she never loved me. We had strong feelings for each other for many years.. But within the last year or so her feelings for me were dwindling.. I can see it when I look back on it. I just wish I was aware of it at the time so I could have done something about it sooner. Feelings dwindle in long term relationships.. You don't just break up with someone because things feel a little stale.. You work on it to make it better.. She didn't .. oh well, I'll get over this some day.