Girlfriend flirting on facebook?

[DunnoWhat]

I never check facebook but checked it earlier and found some conversations between my gf and a guy she works with. We're living apart and I see her at weekends.

 

 

Basically she asked did anyone want to come and make coffee for her. Stupid question but it was joking.

Then one of her friends said something and the guy said something like 'i'll have 1 sugar' etc.

She then says to him he is welcome to have it but he doesn't know where she lives.

He then said he does because saw her going in home one day.

Her friend then says 'is there a party tonight? '. Notice the wink at the end.

 

I don't think he came because I checked my phone records and she said she was very tired that night and fell asleep on the couch etc. Unless she is a brilliant liar.

 

 

Nothing more was said after that.

 

 

Then another conversation happened when she said her fridge broke down. He said something and she then says something like 'if you know how to fix boilers come over '.

 

 

I'm stunned reading it. To me it looks like blatant flirting. It happened a few weeks ago and I just saw it now. Any more of it I'll tell him to f off on facebook in front of everybody.

 

Would I be right doing that? Anybody think its harmless? Should I check her phones when we meet again?

[Space Ritual]

what you have here is garden variety facebook zero trust issue. Facebook can and regularly is a relationship killer. People have boundary issues in general and in particular on social networking.

 

At this point you can either continue to obsess and snoop in the hopes you will find some smoking gun. Maybe you will, maybe you won't.

 

the fact remains that spending all your energy on this will do no good. You cannot control your girlfriend's actions...only how you react to them.

 

I suggest since you have zero trust in her that there will be little she will be able to do anyway if she is committed to you. I dont mean it to sound harsh but at this point it will nag at you regardless and color your whole relationship. If you want to continue to feel skeptical of your GF, then go ahead. But if I were you I would simply break up with her. The whole "I fell asleep on the couch" the night this guy was supposed to come over was bullcrap. He was there...

[PegNosePete]

The whole "I fell asleep on the couch" the night this guy was supposed to come over was bullcrap. He was there...

HUH?? How do you figure that? I was in agreement with your post until I got to this bit. There is absolutely no evidence that he was there or that there is anything inappropriate going on. It all looks totally harmless to me, the kind of office banter that goes on in a million offices every day.

 

What is not harmless is the trust issues the OP has. A wink at the end of a joke means nothing, I put winks on the end of facebook comments to my friends and I don't end up having affairs with them. This is not flirting, it's just friendly banter. But yes the fact that you are snooping around looking for a smoking gun means that you will find one - whether there really is one or not.

[BeyondtheClouds]

I think there is something to facebook flirting and interaction. My current guy, I learned had been sort of dating someone before we met. We started going out and she decided to claim back her territory.

 

I couldn't help but look at the interaction on FB between them. When he was trying to date her, I noticed that he would respond to her threads about what she was doing that day or how she felt with either a "like" or "that sucks." Nothing particularly witty but just trying to stay in the loop.

 

Then when he gave up and started dating me, I know now (after the fact) that she started texting him again and then responding to things on his wall. She wished him a happy birthday. Then asked him on his wall what he did on his birthday. My guy likes to share articles, she commented on all the articles relating it back to her work. I know now that he saw her one weekend while I was away, and she responded to one of these shared articles by saying "thanks for giving me something to read on my way to a work appt."

 

I also noticed that sometimes my guy went to a concert without me, she was doing a "like" on it. And she did go to those concerts with them.

 

That was about a year ago. The interaction between them stopped. And then he offered quite simply to defriend her and I accepted.

 

So my advice to others is if you see two people behaving like that on FB, look closer if one of them is your SO and ask about it.

 

So yea, I think FB activity can be a reflection of what's going on in real life.

[loversquarrel]

Did you ask her about it? There is no harm that can come from asking her. If she cares she will be understanding about it, plus it shows you care. If she's up to know good or simply doesn't care what you think, she will quickly label you as a creep or accuse you of spying. If she gets weird with you that can also be very telling. Whatever you do, don't accuse her, listen to what she has to say and decide for yourself. If she's interested in this guy there is nothing you can do to stop her, you can only control yourself, also, confronting him on facebook will make you look bad and classless. You will embarrass the both of you.

 

Always trust your gut, if it doesn't feel right then talk about it and give her a chance to put you at ease.

[dasein]

Going to sound paranoid and cynical, but you will never go broke betting that in work relationships, where there's smoke, there's fire, or at least fire is in the works. Yes, IMO, your GF is improperly flirting, bet she would not put up with the exact same behavior if you were doing it. Those harmless flirty comments IN PUBLIC are so often the tip of the iceberg of what is being said privately in texts, on the phone, via Email, in person. People don't make jokes about "coming over" with platonic friends, especially if they have any respect at all for their relationship and their partner.

[DunnoWhat]

Thanks for your replies.

 

I wasn't snooping as such. Just bored so I decided to see if she put up some more photos on fb. I didn't check in weeks or months. Then I spotted it.

 

Sometimes when I'm at home she playfully asks me if I was to come and make her dinner or watch a film with her. Knowing full well I can't. So its something she does.

 

I agree with beyondtheclouds. They obviously like each other as friends at least otherwise they wouldn't be joking with each other.

 

I find it a bit odd. Nobody can say it was harmless. All relationships start out somewhere harmless. When you first met your partner you would have said hi with a few harmless jokes etc etc. People make excuses all the time saying its nothing and they have good intentions. Then when they do cheat they'll say they couldn't help themselves, it just happens. Which is false.

 

And I think I'm correct in finding it all odd. Her friends wink says it all. Would she have winked if it was 2 female friends chatting to one another? Women wink when something more than a friendly relationship could happen. The wink indicated that the conversation wasn't exactly boring.

 

Btw, as for her falling asleep on the couch, I believe her. I check the text messages from that day and so said she was tired that morning and not feeling the best. So it is likely she fell asleep.

[BeyondtheClouds]

****I wasn't snooping as such.****

 

Facebook is a public forum. Nothing more and nothing less. People should budget that for every "friend" they have, there is about 25% more who can see their profile and their wall. How do employers see people's FB walls to know whether to hire them or fire them.

 

IF I have a chance to view someone's FB wall, I will. If someone wants to show me their account with all their FB friends, then that is their choice. People also need to contemplate which of their friends leave their facebook account open and how many other people can access their computer. And if they have a problem with that, then they should be more careful about what they put on their wall or the quality and quantity of friends that they choose.

[loversquarrel]

Like I stated before, trust your gut. All that matters is that it doesn't feel right to you and it isn't a matter of being insecure. Talk to her about it. Its the only way to handle it at this point.