fears of coming across desperate, afraid to be alone and forgotten

[Anna84]

It has appeared to me that I worry to come across desperate and dependent, besides other completely irrational fears..

 

What's been bugging me since I split up with my boyfriend in September is the fact that I haven't got any plans for New Years Eve yet (New Years Eve, for crying out loud, 2 more months away) and that I also worry if I don't have any plans for weekends.

 

Anyhow..There are a couple of people I really want to celebrate it with, and I really don't want to celebrate it here on my own. I have been afraid of asking them what they're doing though as I'm afraid they'll think I'm desperate and that that will drive them away and I really like them.

 

As some sort of experiment (I think I must come across as crazy) I've decided to just send them a message asking them what they're doing for NYE just now, even though after sending that message I am indeed afraid that they'll think I'm desperate.

The thought of spending it on my own with nothing to do sort of "staring out of the window", without my ex, sickens me..

 

 

This all may sound extremely irrational, to be honest I can't judge it anymore.

 

Does anyone know what I'm talking about???

[betterdeal]

I know what you're talking about, but I do think you're worrying far too much about it! Asking friends what they're doing for NYE in November is fine. Have you thought of somewhere / something you'd like to go to for NYE? If they don't have plans yet then maybe you can suggest something.

 

Don't worry. It'll be fine.

[cerridwen]

I like your post, OP.

You sound sweet and excitable, but a bit of a worrier.

You're also fresh out of a break-up.

We all know how those wreak havoc on perspective.

So, IMO, wait to ask about NYE.

It's early yet and though the holidays tend to snowball into each other, asking in early November seems a bit odd.

Also, consider having back up plans with friends or family in case NYE with the love interest doesn't work out.

Don't try and muscle through and spend it alone.

Get a couple of girls together, mix up some martinis, and welcome in 2012.

[Lobouspo]

Going beyond just New Year's, make it a point to reach out to family and friends more, and suggest get togethers, drinks, lunch, anything. Nothing needy or desperate about that at all. The holiday season after a breakup can be tough. Stay busy and try to enjoy the holiday spirit. You may even want to look at volunteering your time. Plenty of worthy causes, and you will feel great by giving something back.

[Anna84]

Thanks for all the replies, I apparently need it to have someone view it from the outside, and it bothers me that I get into such a neurotic state sometimes about something which seems to be so trivial.

 

I have been trying to reach out more to friends and family and have let go of the idea that vulnerability is something scary and something to be avoided. People sometimes even seem to be attracted by it... :S

 

Anyway, the last week I've felt I've climbed out of the hole a bit, also concerning the break-up period and adjusting to living life with just myself and not with a boyfriend. The trick is just to remember that every cloud has a silver lining, that silverlining is what I'm seeing right now, but I also realise that it can disappear really unexpectedly. I've got to learn to accept these things..

 

Ahh, I'm sure this comes across like a dramatic load of gibberish, what I wanted to say basically, was thanks for all three replies. Quite amazing how such small things can contribute.

[betterdeal]

Hooray! Good to hear you're up and not down :bunny:

 

That's the spirit! Life is good.