waking up in the morning

[lolita jade]

Its the worst time of year to be split up from ex's. My family wont be together anymore and my world has turned upside down.

 

It hurts like crazy.

 

Roll on January. Second thoughts roll on Spring

[maxy1]

it's kind of weird because i was just thinking of going to see these guys last night because i hadn't seen them in a while, but just decided to stay home...

 

i dunno if i should answer her or not. and it's a whole day later when she decides to send the message?

 

you're probably right mike. do you think that she is trying to get an ego boost out of this??

 

if so, what a real a**hole

[mike588]

it's kind of weird because i was just thinking of going to see these guys last night because i hadn't seen them in a while, but just decided to stay home...

 

i dunno if i should answer her or not. and it's a whole day later when she decides to send the message?

 

you're probably right mike. do you think that she is trying to get an ego boost out of this??

 

if so, what a real a**hole

 

Most likely, and to string you along. If you reply,IF,, wait a day or two. Playing into the game is only hurting you and delaying your healing and moving on.

 

Better yet don't reply and see what she does.

[wow123]

Maxy-I'm not sure it's a great idea that you're still friend with the ex on FB. If you don't want to delete her, you should at least block her status updates. Waking up to that every day, you will never be able to begin to heal.

[maxy1]

^^reread my post bud, i did delete her completely from my facebook. defriended and everything..good advice to anyone in this situation though, i think facebook could be the downfall for people if not our entire generation lol.

 

but yea, she goes on to text me that my friends were asking about me but that she was with *new guys name*

 

what the f*ck, seriously. i didn't ask for her to contact me, is she just trying to **** my head up more?? i think so

 

i've never been so angry in my life

[wow123]

^^reread my post bud, i did delete her completely from my facebook. defriended and everything..good advice to anyone in this situation though, i think facebook could be the downfall for people if not our entire generation lol.

 

but yea, she goes on to text me that my friends were asking about me but that she was with *new guys name*

 

what the f*ck, seriously. i didn't ask for her to contact me, is she just trying to **** my head up more?? i think so

 

i've never been so angry in my life

 

That's horrible. There's no reason for her to text that other than to be purposely hurtful.

[maxy1]

i don't get it. it's not cool. i wouldn't do it to her.

 

i had a dream last night (or maybe more of a nightmare?) that i suddenly found myself walking into a house/apartment that i was unfamiliar with, but in the dream i knew that she was there. i walked strait to the room that i felt she was in, i opened the door, and there she was. she was laying asleep in a bed, with clothes on, on top of the sheets, earbuds/headphones in, and the lights are on. in the dream, i want to lay next to her and try to hold her but she awakes groggily, and makes it known that she is definitely not happy to see me.

 

i feel like i had this dream because the last thing i saw before i fell asleep was the text about being with *new guy* when she saw my friends. that mixed with the anger, feelings of rejection, and i guess just missing the warmth of another body.

[JC14]

I would recommend getting out of bed asap and taking a shower immediately after. Also, try to change your alarmclock into a song that really gets you going, if that makes sense. Something that makes you smile and feel good about yourself.

 

All the best!

[maxy1]

^that alarm clock idea was great!

 

so the ex just called me, and i reluctantly picked up. it turned out that she needed a friend to talk to about her drinking problem (a problem which i know far too well). i do care about her and i know her really well, of course. i also know that she is better than the problem she has, so i just let her talk and listened. when she used to get really bad drunk when we were together, sometimes we would fight and she would say stuff that hinted at me being a reason she drank so much but now that i am not around, her definitely isn't getting any better..

 

when she asked how i was doing, i let her know i was doing great. i told her how being alone has helped me start to understand myself better and all the cool new people i have been meeting, etc. she then told me how her new flame is basically a stoner loser living off his financial aid checks for school and can't get a job. it's very strange to see her with someone like that because she always hated stoners with a passion for some reason (i could care less if someone smokes pot, been there done that)

 

i know this breaks NC but i don't really care, i don't feel like i was set back by this call. i did not feel a "romantic" type connection when talking, and i wasn't looking for one. she is a good person at heart and if she needs a real friend to help and talk to, i will be there. but that's it.

 

am i wrong in trying to be there for her?

[california15]

I think you need to be 100% romantic-feelings gone, in order to "be there" for her. I know you said you didn't feel a romantic feeling for her when you spoke on the phone, but you need a period of consistent 'no-feelings', rather than an instance here or there.

 

You have to be In a state of indifference - one where she can talk about her new guy and you don't give a flying F about it and it doesn't affect your mood. Indifferent to her words/actions/moods etc. You should be as indifferent to her words as you are to the mailman's words. Then, I think you're ready to 'be there' for her.

 

I don't think you're there yet, IMHO, after reading the last 4 pages. I think you have good intentions, but your heart isn't ready for it. Which is fine, it's going to take time as you know.

 

You'll find that once most people reach the stage of indifference when they're ready to be friends, they don't even care about being friends with the ex anymore anyways.

[Marz1974]

its so hard! and for me its only been 6 days and i feel like i am in hell. i am in the house we lived in so i am left to pick up the pieces of it all. changed pictures last night was awful , changed bed sheets. but sometimes i sit there and i think i can hear his car come down the driveway when will i start to feel better or at least start to really hate him??

[happypanda21]

its so hard! and for me its only been 6 days and i feel like i am in hell. i am in the house we lived in so i am left to pick up the pieces of it all. changed pictures last night was awful , changed bed sheets. but sometimes i sit there and i think i can hear his car come down the driveway when will i start to feel better or at least start to really hate him??

 

I'm sorry this has happened to you Marz. It is extremely tough the first couple weeks. I'm just abit further along the ride (5 weeks NC) and it is much easier now much of the time. It still hurts going to bed and waking up. I can't seem to do either when I want to cause when I turn off the lights, its nothing but heartache.

 

One thing I did to try to help me was move my furniture around to a style that I had always wanted. I moved into the other bedroom, changed the kitchen around, and bought some plants for the house. Alot of stuff still reminds me of her, but not everything now.

[maxy1]

I think you need to be 100% romantic-feelings gone, in order to "be there" for her. I know you said you didn't feel a romantic feeling for her when you spoke on the phone, but you need a period of consistent 'no-feelings', rather than an instance here or there.

 

You have to be In a state of indifference - one where she can talk about her new guy and you don't give a flying F about it and it doesn't affect your mood. Indifferent to her words/actions/moods etc. You should be as indifferent to her words as you are to the mailman's words. Then, I think you're ready to 'be there' for her.

 

I don't think you're there yet, IMHO, after reading the last 4 pages. I think you have good intentions, but your heart isn't ready for it. Which is fine, it's going to take time as you know.

 

You'll find that once most people reach the stage of indifference when they're ready to be friends, they don't even care about being friends with the ex anymore anyways.

 

thanks for the advice. i am feeling less and less for her in that way each day. when she talked about the new guy yesterday, i was kind of surprised how much i didn't mind hearing her voice actually talk about him. there are times every now and again that i get a little mad at the way the whole break up came about and was handled, but when i think about this guy, i am not as shaken up about it. i know this guy's a total loser and i have tons more to offer than him, but i won't be offering it to her. i just worry about her because i know she has some serious problems that were there even before her and i started dating years ago.

[maxy1]

so my ex just called me, drunk and in my town. she got arrested last night for public intoxication and didn't get to drive home for thanksgiving and now she wants to meet up. wtf. i have no idea what to do..

[maxy1]

so just an update on the whole situation...

 

we have seen each other a couple times over the past week and have talked on the phone a bit as well. we are just keeping it platonic, we haven't even talked about our relationship really. i have just been helping her deal with some family issues (among other issues) that she is going through right now.

 

we had coffee yesterday as she was in town (she initiated the meet up and everything) and just hung out and talked for a few hours. it was kept pretty cool. at a certain point, her new ''flame'' called and was angry because she was hanging out with me. she told him that if they were going to be together, then he would have to get over her hanging out with me. he ended up calling her a slut and saying some other really rude things. she was pretty upset by it, and i thought it was a pretty big red flag - he has only known her a little over a month, and he is already calling her names.

 

she told me how he is already super protective over her when they go out and has already started talking about very serious future plans. he even got mad when she saw a mutual friend of ours (one that we have both known since high school) when they were out because she hugged the mutual friend and he also thought she was too happy to see our old friend. and i know 100% that this friend of ours is no threat to anyone, he's a best friend of mine and sees her as a sister.

 

apparently there are a good amount of concerns she has over this new flame of hers, and the things she does like about him aren't a lot to write home about, but i have completely refrained from giving her any sort of real advice//telling her what to do. i am just kinda being an ear for her.

 

we really just talked a lot more about completely random stuff last night and it was nice and progressively more and more friendly. at the end of the night, she gave me a big hug, then started to walk away but came back for another even bigger and longer hug during which she actually said "i love you" and started to cry a little.

 

since the whole break up, she has initiated every get together and phone call but now i am starting to contact her too, and it doesn't feel wrong or strange.

 

you know what guys? i know i will be flamed but, i really think i want her back. i am not in any rush to get back with her right now this very second, but if she comes out on top of some of the issues she is dealing with right now, gets back to herself, and we come back together down the line, i would definitely give her another chance. there is still a strong connection between the two of us, but i feel like right now is not our time. we are young, we need to see what else is out there for ourselves, but i would not throw away everything just because of this.

 

as always, i am very open to another perspective on this and thanks to everyone here who has been helping me through this

[mike588]

so just an update on the whole situation...

 

we have seen each other a couple times over the past week and have talked on the phone a bit as well. we are just keeping it platonic, we haven't even talked about our relationship really. i have just been helping her deal with some family issues (among other issues) that she is going through right now.

 

we had coffee yesterday as she was in town (she initiated the meet up and everything) and just hung out and talked for a few hours. it was kept pretty cool. at a certain point, her new ''flame'' called and was angry because she was hanging out with me. she told him that if they were going to be together, then he would have to get over her hanging out with me. he ended up calling her a slut and saying some other really rude things. she was pretty upset by it, and i thought it was a pretty big red flag - he has only known her a little over a month, and he is already calling her names.

 

she told me how he is already super protective over her when they go out and has already started talking about very serious future plans. he even got mad when she saw a mutual friend of ours (one that we have both known since high school) when they were out because she hugged the mutual friend and he also thought she was too happy to see our old friend. and i know 100% that this friend of ours is no threat to anyone, he's a best friend of mine and sees her as a sister.

 

apparently there are a good amount of concerns she has over this new flame of hers, and the things she does like about him aren't a lot to write home about, but i have completely refrained from giving her any sort of real advice//telling her what to do. i am just kinda being an ear for her.

 

we really just talked a lot more about completely random stuff last night and it was nice and progressively more and more friendly. at the end of the night, she gave me a big hug, then started to walk away but came back for another even bigger and longer hug during which she actually said "i love you" and started to cry a little.

 

since the whole break up, she has initiated every get together and phone call but now i am starting to contact her too, and it doesn't feel wrong or strange.

 

you know what guys? i know i will be flamed but, i really think i want her back. i am not in any rush to get back with her right now this very second, but if she comes out on top of some of the issues she is dealing with right now, gets back to herself, and we come back together down the line, i would definitely give her another chance. there is still a strong connection between the two of us, but i feel like right now is not our time. we are young, we need to see what else is out there for ourselves, but i would not throw away everything just because of this.

 

as always, i am very open to another perspective on this and thanks to everyone here who has been helping me through this

 

Well she's not showing much respect to her new flame and that's not a good sign for him.

 

Good luck and go very very slow!!

[maxy1]

thanks mike. yeah, i agree with you on the respect comment. but he seems pretty intense and has done some very disrespectful things to her that i won't really get into. she says that she likes him because he "is nice and says things that make her feel special" (direct quote from her)

 

but talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words.

[mike588]

thanks mike. yeah, i agree with you on the respect comment. but he seems pretty intense and has done some very disrespectful things to her that i won't really get into. she says that she likes him because he "is nice and says things that make her feel special" (direct quote from her)

 

but talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words.

 

I heard that same stuff,you make me feel special,,, well you know my outcome.

 

Don't rush into this,give him enough rope to hang himself.She'll get tired of being disrepected by him then you can slide back in,,, if ya still want to.

[Anna_broken]

It's been a month post BU.

Waking up in the morning is the hardest thing for me. Although I am doing well during the day, I go to sleep with no negative thoughts, I wake up a mess. First of all, I feel like I wake up because of the beating of my heart, a weight and pain on my chest or because I can't breath! That's how I feel without even opening my eyes, without having the first thought of the day!

I hate it. I feel dizzy and sick, have problems with my stomache, feeling that I have diarrhea or something, and I want to vomit. I always end up in the bathroom trying to vomit. Nothing happens.

This lasts for a couple of hours. If I have to go to work or study before all these fade, I just can't. I walk in the street feeling that I will pass out, if I stay at home and try to study, I end up looking at the books for an hour.

I try to make positive thoughts before I leave my bed, no result...

How is this possible? I am fine, going to sleep fine and every morning is like my body and mind punishes me for trying to do well the previous day...

[maxy1]

mike, you seem like a good and sincere guy and definitely didn't deserve what was done to you. this other guy is a douche and still i won't intervene, like i said, right now is not the right time for her or i to get back into things. who knows what the future holds.

 

anna, i know how you feel and am sorry to hear that you are still feeling that way. you shouldn't let someone else ruin your day, just get right up and get busy. turn that part of your brain off. some days are harder than others, but it will get better if ya let it!

[mike588]

mike, you seem like a good and sincere guy and definitely didn't deserve what was done to you. this other guy is a douche and still i won't intervene, like i said, right now is not the right time for her or i to get back into things. who knows what the future holds.

 

anna, i know how you feel and am sorry to hear that you are still feeling that way. you shouldn't let someone else ruin your day, just get right up and get busy. turn that part of your brain off. some days are harder than others, but it will get better if ya let it!

 

Thanks for the kind words,, sounds like your handleing this with the right attitude and the right way.

 

Since you said it's not the right time for the two of you just lookout for yourself,improve yourself get on with your life.

 

Like you said who knows what the future holds.

[BoredAgain]

There will come a day when you realize that you didn't think about your Ex when you first woke up. Then, of course, there will be entire days where you don't think about her/him. Then it will come to a point where you hardly think about your Ex at all.

 

I recall this being actually a bit sad because it means that your emotional connection to her/him, something you once cherished, has now mostly faded. But at the same time, it's exciting because it means you've made great emotional strides.

[maxy1]

need some peppin up here plz!

 

i am gonna go out with a few of my old buddys and the ex is comin out to chill as well. we have all known eachother for years, but for some reason i am getting nervous about it

 

tryin to just keep calm, but i dont really get why i feel kinda anxious about it??

[mike588]

need some peppin up here plz!

 

i am gonna go out with a few of my old buddys and the ex is comin out to chill as well. we have all known eachother for years, but for some reason i am getting nervous about it

 

tryin to just keep calm, but i dont really get why i feel kinda anxious about it??

 

Have a few cold ones to relax you,,, compliment her,tell he she looks beautiful and try to have a good time.

[maxy1]

will do, thanks.. i think i am just nervous because it is the first time we have all hung out since the whole break up ordeal so i am just worried about awkwardness? lol i hate awkward silences and stuffs