waking up in the morning

[maxy1]

it's so ****ing hard to do. i wake and the first thing that pops in my head is the fact that she isn't there and i won't see her all day, or ever again maybe.. then my day just starts off completely ruined, how do i stop this? it's like my brain just defaults to thinking off her instantly the moment my alarm clock goes off. we went out for 7 years... and she is with someone else now

[steve566]

this was the hardest thing for me as well, it been over 2 months now and it has gotten better but some days are worse than others. The hardest thing for me was pushing myself out of bed but once i did the thoughts of her tend to drift away. It was terrible at first especially because my sheets and pillows smelled like her perfume and it made it so much harder... it will get better though

[mike588]

it's so ****ing hard to do. i wake and the first thing that pops in my head is the fact that she isn't there and i won't see her all day, or ever again maybe.. then my day just starts off completely ruined, how do i stop this? it's like my brain just defaults to thinking off her instantly the moment my alarm clock goes off. we went out for 7 years... and she is with someone else now

 

I know how you feel. 7 years is a long time to just forget. I was dumped 3 months ago and still sometimes I feel the same way.Mornings are the hardest!!

 

Time, time is really the only thing that's going to help. Just try to stay busy,surround yourself with friends/family,,, I joined a gym and that has helped sooooo much.

 

It really sucks that she's with someone else, my ex. g/f went back to her ex. so I know the feeling. Your not alone, hang in there.

[maxy1]

thanks, and sorry to hear that you guys have been or are going through the same. i just don't feel like doing anything, i need to stop this. i go to school full time and work part time, and every spare moment i am not trying to do something that requires thought, she ****ing pops in like a reflex. i even feel like i am not doing near as good at anything as i should be...

 

then i sit and wonder if she ever thinks of or misses me, and in turn i feel like a pathetic, insecure little baby for even thinking of that...

 

i want this reflex to go away so bad, i want her back so bad, i know it will probably never happen, i just don't know how to let go. i feel like if i was to go out, i would be a depressing and lame person to hang out with. i walk around campus and see couples everywhere and my heart breaks more.

[mike588]

thanks, and sorry to hear that you guys have been or are going through the same. i just don't feel like doing anything, i need to stop this. i go to school full time and work part time, and every spare moment i am not trying to do something that requires thought, she ****ing pops in like a reflex. i even feel like i am not doing near as good at anything as i should be...

 

then i sit and wonder if she ever thinks of or misses me, and in turn i feel like a pathetic, insecure little baby for even thinking of that...

 

i want this reflex to go away so bad, i want her back so bad, i know it will probably never happen, i just don't know how to let go. i feel like if i was to go out, i would be a depressing and lame person to hang out with. i walk around campus and see couples everywhere and my heart breaks more.

 

We all want to know if our ex.s miss us, I do,,it's normal, don't feel pathetic.I don't know your story but I suggest letting them know how you feel,, what you want then leave it at that. It's up to her now but you should move on regardless.

[ChelseaLS]

it's so ****ing hard to do. i wake and the first thing that pops in my head is the fact that she isn't there and i won't see her all day, or ever again maybe.. then my day just starts off completely ruined, how do i stop this? it's like my brain just defaults to thinking off her instantly the moment my alarm clock goes off. we went out for 7 years... and she is with someone else now

 

 

Mornings are the worst for me as well. I am not sure there is an exact way to stop the thoughts. I just try to focus on work and think about what I have to do that day.. blah blah blah. It does get better with time. Its been nearly a month now for me and I stop waking up to think about my ex and crying about it... thats a step.

Time heals all.

[immitable]

I know the feeling very well. 5 years together. The memories, she's not here, reasons why, what ifs etc etc. You know what is the first thing that pops to my mind the first thing I wake up now (after 5 months)

 

Coffee I need a good cup of coffee

 

What I am trying to say is food (coffee as well) still taste good without her. It only gets better with time. I have relapses from time to time, but is getting better every day. Do stuff you like and do them for you. Enjoy life, put no pressure on yourself, it is not like you haven't suffered enough, it is their porblem not yours etc etc.

 

Best wishes.

[brokendreamz]

Hey all. I thought I'd come in with my 5 eggs!

 

So I was with this girl... My fiancé for 8 years. We had a house etc.

 

Then she drops the bombshell and the bottom of my world fell out, I mean I lost 2 stone, my house and nearly my job.

 

I was severely depressed and considered ending it all.

 

I went to the doc who prescribed me some anti depressants - took me another month before I plucked up the courage to take them but boy am I glad I did!

 

It's taken a LOT of work- Meditation, The Gym, Running, Holidays, Therapy but all in all I am in the best shape of my life now..

 

Use your pain as fuel - when you think of her, go for a run. When you open your eyes in the morning don't just languish in bed going over and over it all, just get straight up and... Go for a run! Honestly it REALLY helps.

 

I'm nearly 9 months on since D day and can honestly say IT WILL GET EASIER. I don't think I'll ever forget her and I know she won't ever forget me - you don't spend this sort of time with someone and them never think of you.

 

Thing is - none of that matters now. You MUST concentrate on you - be selfish for a while, spoil yourself.

 

It will get better mate... It just takes time.

 

Good luck.

 

P.S. You might want to check out the 'Coping' arm of this site - really helped me.

[CaliBabe]

I have a post on here about 6 months ago about that terrible pain and hurt you feel when you first wake up... I had it every single day! Until one day I didn't feel it anymore (about 2 months post breakup). I began to feel so lousy that I got to a point where I was so sick of it that I did something better with my life. It worked. Even though my heart is broken, I have never felt so alive before.

 

I will say this again. IT WILL GET BETTER!

 

Give yourself some time, really nurture yourself and do great things. It took some time, and even though I still love him to death. I love myself more.

[maxy1]

maybe i should start jogging and going to the gym. there's hope in these messages, thanks all. i think i am just still in the shock stage, this happened over the past weekend and she was already seeing someone new. at least she doesn't have to feel the pain of waking up alone, and i do hope she's happy. i just feel totally ****ed over and like i wasted some of the best years of my life.

 

it's crazy because i would probably still take her back even though i know she would do it again, i think i need to have more control over my emotions and start using my brain more. it feels good typing these things out because i don't really want to bring down my friends with this sappy stuff, not what ''men'' do i guess.. but come on, i'm more wrecked than i thought i would be. i thought i was be stronger than this, damn what an eye opener

[ChelseaLS]

maybe i should start jogging and going to the gym. there's hope in these messages, thanks all. i think i am just still in the shock stage, this happened over the past weekend and she was already seeing someone new. at least she doesn't have to feel the pain of waking up alone, and i do hope she's happy. i just feel totally ****ed over and like i wasted some of the best years of my life.

 

it's crazy because i would probably still take her back even though i know she would do it again, i think i need to have more control over my emotions and start using my brain more. it feels good typing these things out because i don't really want to bring down my friends with this sappy stuff, not what ''men'' do i guess.. but come on, i'm more wrecked than i thought i would be. i thought i was be stronger than this, damn what an eye opener

 

Hehe I am just like you. I would take my ex back in a second and I wont say he would do it agian, but I wouldn't be surprised. But I also know that I have to be prepared for the pain all over again.

 

Anyways.... I started to go to spin class. I get out meet people, get in shape. I really enjoy it. It makes me feel good about myself, I sleep a bit easier and although I wake up sad... like said before... I don't cry anymore (usually lol).

[mike588]

maybe i should start jogging and going to the gym. there's hope in these messages, thanks all. i think i am just still in the shock stage, this happened over the past weekend and she was already seeing someone new. at least she doesn't have to feel the pain of waking up alone, and i do hope she's happy. i just feel totally ****ed over and like i wasted some of the best years of my life.

 

it's crazy because i would probably still take her back even though i know she would do it again, i think i need to have more control over my emotions and start using my brain more. it feels good typing these things out because i don't really want to bring down my friends with this sappy stuff, not what ''men'' do i guess.. but come on, i'm more wrecked than i thought i would be. i thought i was be stronger than this, damn what an eye opener

 

Try going to the gym, most don't require a years membership. I pay month to month and it has been a HUGE HELP even though sometimes I have to drag myself there but the rewards are great,, you feel so much better after working out, you'll build muscles (women like that) and you may meet someone there?

 

You didn't waste time in a relationship,, you learn, you grow from each relationship. I know how you feel,, I too was wrecked, your not alone.

 

Keep posting if you feel you need , were here for you.

[maxy1]

thanks so much you guys, the typing and actual human response is very very helpful. it's nice, makes me feel good for humanity =p

 

but in all reality i feel like total ****!!! to be expected..

 

luckily i have a free gym here at my college campus, i should really take advantage of it.. i am just far too lacking in confidence right now.. i'm not a buff guy. i feel like people would be watching me and lookin at me weird, because i would have no idea what to do and probably can't lift all too much.

 

damn and now i have to go to work for the first time since this happened. fml.

[mike588]

thanks so much you guys, the typing and actual human response is very very helpful. it's nice, makes me feel good for humanity =p

 

but in all reality i feel like total ****!!! to be expected..

 

luckily i have a free gym here at my college campus, i should really take advantage of it.. i am just far too lacking in confidence right now.. i'm not a buff guy. i feel like people would be watching me and lookin at me weird, because i would have no idea what to do and probably can't lift all too much.

 

damn and now i have to go to work for the first time since this happened. fml.

 

No one was born with bulging muscles,, ask someone there for help. When I joined I had no clue what to do but there were so many people there to help me and wow have I noticed a difference. Don't feel bad you'll see people there who are fat, super skinny etc. etc.

 

It will help your confidence too big time!! And your so tired after working out it helps you sleep also.

[Bobby289]

thanks so much you guys, the typing and actual human response is very very helpful. it's nice, makes me feel good for humanity =p

 

but in all reality i feel like total ****!!! to be expected..

 

luckily i have a free gym here at my college campus, i should really take advantage of it.. i am just far too lacking in confidence right now.. i'm not a buff guy. i feel like people would be watching me and lookin at me weird, because i would have no idea what to do and probably can't lift all too much.

 

damn and now i have to go to work for the first time since this happened. fml.

 

Yeah go to the campus gym, I go to mine every now and then just to meet people but usually go to the one in my city as its larger. There are a lot of people who love fitness and will want to help you out. I get people asking me all the time what exercise im doing and what it works out, It dosent bother me I like to help people get in shape. You may run into some cocky gym rats but they are everywhere sadly, just ask the social ones. If you have any questions about bulking up or anything just ask and I can point you to some good articles. Good luck with the BU though, I know how you feel I still turn over sometimes and put my arm around nothing...It gets better(well less difficult)

[Star Gazer]

John Mayer had it right. Waking up with a broken heart is the hardest part. When my last long-term relationship ended, I'd wake up with full-on heart palpitations.

 

All I can say is, with time, it does get easier... Little by little, until you wake up one day, and have forgotten completely.

[mike588]

maybe i should start jogging and going to the gym. there's hope in these messages, thanks all. i think i am just still in the shock stage, this happened over the past weekend and she was already seeing someone new. at least she doesn't have to feel the pain of waking up alone, and i do hope she's happy. i just feel totally ****ed over and like i wasted some of the best years of my life.

 

it's crazy because i would probably still take her back even though i know she would do it again, i think i need to have more control over my emotions and start using my brain more. it feels good typing these things out because i don't really want to bring down my friends with this sappy stuff, not what ''men'' do i guess.. but come on, i'm more wrecked than i thought i would be. i thought i was be stronger than this, damn what an eye opener

 

I missed the part that this breakup happened over the past weekend,, this could just be a rebound relationship with the new guy. If you want her back and since this is so new why don't you send her an email letting her know how you feel, what you want/expect, apoligise (if necessay) and leave it at that, no blaming, guilt trips, begging pleading etc.

 

If you do this PLEASE whatever you do DON'T BEG, PLEAD, Cry etc (as I said) this will only push her further away and you will look weak and pathetic!!! Not a turn on but rather a TURN OFF!! I always suggest an email because it's "emotionless" Keep it short and to the point,,wish her well then go STRICT NO CONTACT,,, it's up to her now and she will respect you for not acting weak and whimpy and not constantly bugging her!!

 

This may make her (no contact) after awhile start to miss you,, wonder about, what your up to etc. be mysterious. Rebounds don't usually last long so if you want her back this is the best thing to do!!!!

 

I don't know your entire story,,, just a thought.

[maxy1]

I missed the part that this breakup happened over the past weekend,, this could just be a rebound relationship with the new guy. If you want her back and since this is so new why don't you send her an email letting her know how you feel, what you want/expect, apoligise (if necessay) and leave it at that, no blaming, guilt trips, begging pleading etc.

 

If you do this PLEASE whatever you do DON'T BEG, PLEAD, Cry etc (as I said) this will only push her further away and you will look weak and pathetic!!! Not a turn on but rather a TURN OFF!! I always suggest an email because it's "emotionless" Keep it short and to the point,,wish her well then go STRICT NO CONTACT,,, it's up to her now and she will respect you for not acting weak and whimpy and not constantly bugging her!!

 

This may make her (no contact) after awhile start to miss you,, wonder about, what your up to etc. be mysterious. Rebounds don't usually last long so if you want her back this is the best thing to do!!!!

 

I don't know your entire story,,, just a thought.

 

well, that's actually what i am having problems with right now.. here is my story. it may be a bit long, but you guys are giving some great advice and i would really like to know an outside perspective:

 

we had been dating since high school. young and stupid, maybe, but we made it a full 7 years. we have also had a few breaks in those years, but kept comin back to each other. in retrospect, i find myself both wishing for that time back or wishing i could go back and do right everything i did wrong (which may be just a fantasy, i probably could have done everything right and still wound up right where i am)

 

we graduate high school and eventually move away from Texas (our home stat) to Arizona together because she was moving there with her mom her mom's new boyfriend. we did not want to let each other go. at that point in the relationship, things were great. luckily, my family was supportive of my moving away.

 

we live in AZ first separately at first, her with her fam, and i lived in my own apartment. started community college. then her mom and her bf break up violently and the three of us are basically just stuck in arizona. it was a very ugly situation. so her and her mom get a townhome, with hopes of saving up to move back home in the meantime. her mom moved back home to texas before us and I moved into the townhome with my ex. we could still not afford to move all of us back home yet. it was great living with her, we had a lot of fun together. too much. had 2 dogs and a cat, tons of space in the townhome, and really not much of a care in the world other than school, and i worked as well (she did not). in this time, we traveled to california, the grand canyon, las vegas, went to some festivals and concerts, we really had it made pretty good and i am very very thankful for those times.

 

after a little over a year of living together, we decide we are too young to be living together like we are married (though we spoke about marriage multiple times, both in favor) and mutually decide to each get our own smaller apartment, in the same complex, still in hopes of moving back home as soon as possible. in three years time we were able to finally move back home to texas, which was just this past july

 

we ended up getting into different schools, although the drive is only 45 minutes depending on traffic. in the past 2-3 months, everything started falling apart, which is very surprising in my eyes. here we are finally back home, gotten into good schools, back by family - and our relationship heads south. on top of going to school full time, i work, so i have been pretty bogged down recently. but i am and have been pushing myself hard because i wanted to make a good future for us. but she starts getting lonely out there, which i totally understand. she only has to go to school, and is in a town where she knew no one (even though i and our old friends are not too far away)

 

looking back, i should have gone out to her more but i felt so stressed with my workload that i could not go out there as much as i wanted to.

 

a few weeks ago, she starts meeting a lot of friends, but they are mainly guys. and she is a very attractive girl, so i start freaking out. then i notice a distance. when i go to see her, things aren't the same. there were some warning signs, in retrospect. but a jealous side in me came out at this point.

 

then this last week, she sleeps with a guy after only a week of knowing him and tells me that she really likes him. we get into a big drunken fight after a party on this past saturday night and she calls the ****ing dude over to her house at 3 am and he takes her away to his place. in front of me!

 

i wish i would have thought before acting, because since then i have broken just about every NC rule there is. but i was in total ****ing shock, and still am..

 

last time we spoke was tuesday. i drove out to see her and we just talked over drinks "as friends" about random stuff, nothing relationship. things were going great because i just was so happy to be around her and missed her so much that i didn't let any bull**** get in our way. we can talk for hours, and could still remain friends i feel.

 

but after a few too many drinks back at her place, i start talking about our relationship and asking all these questions that had been circling my mind since saturday. then things go south, and fighting ensues. i should have just left it alone and given her her freedom, no matter how bad it hurt. but she didn't have to do me the way she did after all we have been through.

 

like an IDIOT, on wednesday i blew up her phone because i really just wanted to apologize. after no answer, a few hours later she texts me " i can't talk to you anymore. " and i sent back one saying that i was thinking the same, but that we at least owe it to each other to talk over the phone and say a proper goodbye or SOMETHING. and she replies " just take at least a day, and then i might talk to you" . total cold shoulder, and ow does it hurt.

 

now i am totally lost, i don't know what to do, these feelings i have shared earlier in this thread are eating me alive. i haven't talked to her since her texts but i had bought us tickets a while back to go see a band that we both totally adore which is coming up next week, and she said on tuesday night before the fallout that she still wants to go.

 

I don't know if i should do anything or wait for her. should i send her a text asking if she still wants to go? or should i just let her contact me about it? i would like to go with her and try again, it would be easy because we would just be at a concert and not be thinking of relationship stuff. but i don't want her to feel like she has power over me. i know she is having a hard time because both of us cried a little during our fight tuesday night, and i feel like a jerk because i HATE seeing her cry.

 

we really did have fun tuesday night, and we both made comments about how cool it was that we could go out as just friends. but i screwed that one up i guess.

 

should i contact her about going to the concert coming up in a couple days? none of my other friends know about this band, so i would rather go with someone who shares the same passion about the band but like i said, i don't want her to think she has power over me.

 

i am really really afraid that i just lost my best friend. i can take her being with someone else, as long as she is happy.

[The Poster]

You know what's worse than that painful rush you feel when you wake up?

 

Having dreams of getting back together with your ex. Yeah, I've had quite a bit of those these past couple of months. Including twice this week. Sigh.

[maxy1]

i had dreams of her all night last night..waking up ****ing sucks

[maxy1]

She just texted me: "how are u doing...better I hope"

 

What should I say? That I'm great and sound unbothered or just tell her I'm fine and hope she is happy? How long should I wait to reply? I don't wanna sound desperate but I don't want her thinking I don't care about her..

[infinity8245]

I hear you. I was with my ex for over four years and lived together for over three years.

 

The mornings are definitely the worst. Especially when you're so used to reaching over and feeling a warm body next to yours and being able to hold them for a bit before you finally get up. It's almost like waking up to your worst nightmare.

 

But I've found that if I can just force myself out of bed when I wanted to get up, I end up feeling a whole lot better the rest of the day. It's just that initial push which is hard.

[mike588]

She just texted me: "how are u doing...better I hope"

 

What should I say? That I'm great and sound unbothered or just tell her I'm fine and hope she is happy? How long should I wait to reply? I don't wanna sound desperate but I don't want her thinking I don't care about her..

 

I would wait a day to respond, I know it's hard,just say you have been busy. DON'T DARE let her know your hurting, sad, depressed etc. By her text,, "better I hope" tells me she knows your sad, hurt whatever.

 

If you want her back just say,, Doing fine, just been so busy. Don't be in any big hurry to respond to her text,,, you will look needy and like you've been sitting by the phone waiting for her to call, A No No!

 

I'm sure she knows you care.

[maxy1]

Thanks guys. It sounds like a good idea to wait a day, just don't want her to think I don't care..but she's gotta know I do, as u said mike.

 

What would yalls advice be on the concert situation?

[mike588]

Thanks guys. It sounds like a good idea to wait a day, just don't want her to think I don't care..but she's gotta know I do, as u said mike.

 

What would yalls advice be on the concert situation?

 

Well lets see,,, she broke up with you,,shes with someone else. I wouldn't text/email her asking her if she want's to go. Do you want to be her door mat??

 

She's may be just using you to get what she wants and knows you will do it.Wait and see if she asks you about it.