HollyK Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 Hello All I think that I'm a little bit older than most of the posters that I've read, but even us old folks can have their hearts broken. I have been dating a man for about 2 years and we had a wonderful relationship. He was the kind of guy who would leave flowers and dinner in my car for when I got out of my night class. He got me two twin kittens for valentines day. The list could go on forever. I knew that he had commitment problems because of his past relationships and usually I did not pressure him in any way. But recently I brought up my feelings for him and he bolted. He feels that he is not being fair to me because of his emotional block. I have been doing all of the wrong things to try to get him to change his mind. Crying, pleading, getting angry etc. We are planning to get together on Wednesday night for dinner and a movie, but I'm afraid that I did not give him enough space to figure things out. I downloaded the book "Stop my Divorce" and am trying very hard now to do some of the things in the book. I will not ask him during the date how he feels about things yet, because I don't want to pressure him. The book says that pressure just pushes people away. Any suggestions on how I can get through the date relaxed and not have the subject come up? I just want him to enjoy his time with me, like we have in the past. It's only been two weeks since we split. Can this work out? Link to post Share on other sites
shellgranado Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 ITS GOING TO BE HARD BUT THINK OF THIS DATE AS IF IT WAS YOUR FIRST PUSH ALL YOUR PROBLEMS AND QUESTIONS ASIDE AND HAVE THE BEST TIME OF YOUR LIFE LIKE YOUR A LITTLE KID IN A CANDY STORE IMAGINE YOU JUST MEET HIM Link to post Share on other sites
Author HollyK Posted May 21, 2004 Author Share Posted May 21, 2004 You are right!! I hope I can do this. The part that is going to be difficult is to act happy about things when it's the last thing that I am. How can a man show so much love yet be so afraid of it at the same time? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 It's too bad he hasn't sought therapy on his own. Be fun and delightful company for him. If the urge to probe him about the situation hits you, remember Dr. Phil's 'how much fun are you to be with?' and tell the urge to take a flying flip. Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 Hi Holly Youve been dating for 2 years and you only recently bought up your feelings? can you clarify this a bit more? From how it reads, you told him how you felt, after 2 years together and he fled like he had a bullet up his backside. Is this what you want from a relationship? where are you both now? is he considering being with you again despite his emotional block and being split for 2 weeks? is that why you are meeting for the movie? or are you going purely as friends (from his perspective)? if you follow the advice and think of it as your first date, arent you just going to waste another 2 years before you spill your feelings and end up in the same place when he bolts? not sure how old he is, but assuming hes older as you say, i worry for you that you are chasing a rainbow unless he gets help for whatever block he has. BB Link to post Share on other sites
Author HollyK Posted May 21, 2004 Author Share Posted May 21, 2004 No our feelings have been brought up in the past and he told me that he believed that the relationship was worth the effort to try to get past the emotional block. He knows that it is something he would have to do to be back with me. Why we are going to the movies? I have absolutely no idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HollyK Posted May 21, 2004 Author Share Posted May 21, 2004 Oh I forgot to mention. I do not consider the last two years of my life wasting time. There is no goal or race to the finish. It was simply two people who enjoyed each other. Link to post Share on other sites
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