Savvy1 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Recently I discovered naked pictures on my bf's computer along with thousands of porn video's. I can handle the porn but seeing pictures of him laying in bed with another girl and making out with her has hit me as if I have been cheated on. There were other naked pictures of his ex-girlfriends that I discovered that have completely crushed me as well. We have discussed the issue and deleted all the photos and videos and trying to move forward. The problem I'm facing is low self-esteem at this point. Does anyone have any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
ch47wife Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Did he explain why they were there? You should gather up all of your best galls and spend a bunch of time with them. Barely anything makes a girl feel better than ego inflation by the girls that know you best! I also suggest going out on the town with some of them, getting all gussied up and goin' to have fun! When you least expect it, you'll notice looks and flirtations from random guys around the joint, always nice! And that is a great ego booster, and one you'll be able to reflect on in harsh moments for a while! Sounds trivial and even a bit silly, but it works! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savvy1 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 That's a great idea. I appreciate the suggestion. To answer your question; he claims he forgot about the pictures. For some reason, I find that hard to believe. Link to post Share on other sites
ch47wife Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Yeah, they don't forget about stuff like that, no matter how dense they are! I had an ex-bf that had crap like that! They don't forget! The little "oops, i guess i didn't notice' stuff that us females pull....they do the same thing! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savvy1 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 Given the fact that our sex life is down the tubes and his habitual viewing of porn on line, I can't help but call shenanigans when he says he forgot. The foundation of our relationship has been based on lies. He has lied about little things to big things. Him viewing those things and keeping said pictures has diminished me as a person. I was a fairly attractive ex-model with a HUGE personality but I am no longer that person. I want desperately to recover the mentality that I once had but I'm not sure how to. With my given situation, getting with the girls is impossible since they're 1,600 miles away (literally). I have a few friends here that can give me that girls night out but it seems because of work schedule issues, that night is going to be a long ways off. I will have to settle for dressing nice, dancing around to good "up" music while alone but I honestly don't know if that will be enough in the long run. I should probably mention that I moved away from my son to be with this man at this point, I'm sacrificing myself as a person and my relationship with my son. Link to post Share on other sites
ch47wife Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Nw, I'm kinda goin' through the same thing right now. Relationship on the rocks, loss of self, and no one to go out with and help pump me up. I'll tell ya what though.....gettin' gussied up and goin' to even the store helps! (gotta think about your timing though) And wearing headphones helps to! You get to listen to your own music, don't have to worry about everyone around you, and you get the added bonus of looking like you don't give a rat's a#%; makes guys look even harder + you see it in your peripheral = you feeling great!!! Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Recently I discovered naked pictures on my bf's computer along with thousands of porn video's. I can handle the porn but seeing pictures of him laying in bed with another girl and making out with her has hit me as if I have been cheated on. There were other naked pictures of his ex-girlfriends that I discovered that have completely crushed me as well. We have discussed the issue and deleted all the photos and videos and trying to move forward. The problem I'm facing is low self-esteem at this point. Does anyone have any advice? Hmm. As a (lonely) porn collector I would have a hard time getting rid of any good porn. Even if I had a good GF, I would keep a porn stash locked away for the (inevitable? nowadays anyway...) day when things fell apart and I was once again alone. I never did what this guy did in terms of "ex porn", but it seems like this guy has extended his porn collection habit to self-made porn with his exes. I can understand it but... it's... weird. Actually, I should restate that. I don't personally understand people wanting to have porn of themselves. But maybe that's because I have very low self esteem. I can IMAGINE someone else wanting it... and then I could understand not wanting to delete that stuff. Sort of like a pornographic version of a photo album of old girlfriends. He's pretty dumb for letting you find it though. He's also dumb if he's looking at it and/or wanking to it while being with you. That's just awful. I wouldn't call it cheating, but it's really unhealthy for your relationship. He definitely didn't forget he had it. It wasn't just with one girl; this is a repeated thing and is intentional. So that's an outright lie right there. However, the lie wasn't NECESSARILY told with bad-intentions; it could just be that he isn't currently using it AND didn't want you to feel subordinate to his old flames. I wouldn't focus so much on this discovery of a self-made porn cache, but really on the fact that your sex life with him is bad right now. That's the main problem as I see it. The ultimate question to be answered is whether: A.) he's viewing porn because your sex life is bad, OR B.) your sex life is bad because he's viewing porn That's what you need to get to the bottom of. Other people mentioned distractions and activities to boost your self-esteem; that is just a band-aid. You need to fix this relationship problem. Maybe I can boost your self-esteem though -- your self-worth and beauty has absolutely nothing to do with whether 1 guy (who you happen to be with) is looking at porn. Link to post Share on other sites
ch47wife Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 'your self-worth and beauty has absolutely nothing to do with whether 1 guy (who you happen to be with) is looking at porn.' This is true doll! My husband's a porn freak, always has been! I don't mind 'cause I know that I'm real, and the one he's with. And I think it's kinda healthy to explore new 'romantic endeavors' with your partner every once in a while, even if its outside your comfort zone. Who knows, might be something you like! But, in your case, I'd be making sure that he didn't ad you to his little collection in case if things did turn sour. You and I both need to sit down with our guys and have a 'nice' looooooong chat about things in general! I'll tell u what my plan is, maybe it'll help you out! When my old man comes home from drill this weekend, I'm gonna make a nice big dinner, wear something nice (that makes me feel saucy!), sit down and have a long talk with him. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 The problem I'm facing is low self-esteem at this point. Does anyone have any advice? Yes, ditch the dog and get a real man. You can't love yourself very much if you stay and put up with a guy like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savvy1 Posted November 6, 2011 Author Share Posted November 6, 2011 Chess.....thank you for your feed back as a guy. Getting a male's point of view is always helpful. To answer your question.....I feel I should say B. I have made countless attempts to initiate and get shut down or he is unable to finish. I would also like to add that I already felt insubordinate to his ex after finding out that I was the other girl when he was dating her and finding that he has been searching for her through the internet. ch47wife.....I agree that finding new things to spice things up is necessary but I have gone so far as offering to paint his unit with chocolate paint while in sexy clothes and have gotten shut down. Basically what I'm saying is, most attempts are futile. BTW, I appreciate everyone's feed back immensely. Link to post Share on other sites
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