"Single" for 6 weeks, would I be cheating?

[lovelostornot]

Hi,

 

Allow me to introduce myself. Im a 29 year old male engaged to a wonderful 30 year old women. Mainly we have a fantastic relationship. The last few months we have had our troubles and wobbles but have tried to stay strong.

 

Things haven't been exactly brilliant the last few weeks though. With her work she was due to go over seas to work for 4-6 weeks. I suggested we split up for this duration. Not a "break" but split up. This time would help us (myself more importantly) put perspective on our relationship before we do step down the aisle. We split up With the view that we would get back together when she comes home.

 

Now here is my problem. I love her and have never or would I ever cheat. But I am dying to quite simply have a fling. I feel as though I need to get it out of my system and realise how silly I would be to let such a good thing slip through my fingers.

 

The problem I'm having is this, I love her and even though we both agreed to split I feel at times as though I would be cheating. And I don't want to do that. I know guys would suggest and do it anyway and she wouldnt need to know, but I don't know if I could deal with the guilt. If she comes home and asks me was I with anybody I would find it very hard to look at her and tell her a lie. What if I feel so guilty I have to come clean and tell her. It would break her heart.

 

The other part of me, is telling me to do it. After all I am single, even if it is only for 6 weeks. Make the most of my freedom, gain a new perspective on our relationship get back together and leave the past behind us and move on.

 

I don't want to be a cheat as I hate them. I know I'm single but I still feel as though I would be cheating. Would I be able to cope with the guilt and telling her lies if she asks.

 

But I also want to have fun while I am single!!

 

Sorry if I have you confused, but I actually have myself confused. This is the constant battle im having with myself. Im looking for peoples (male & females) views, opinions and input please.

 

Thanks for reading and sorry for the confusion.

[Stung]

Is this the real reason you wanted to break if off with her temporarily but fully? Because you could easily, and quite logically, have taken the six week period to think about your relationship and gain perspective without making any drastic and formal breakup declarations. That's what most couples with healthy relationships would have done, in my opinion. So honestly this reads to me as your last-ditch effort to get some strange without having to feel bad about it, and it was important enough to you to jeopardize your future with your fiance (because it is my experience that most women, when told that the man about to be their husband wants to break up temporarily, will start seriously reconsidering getting married).

 

Technically neither of you would be cheating on the other if you indulged in sex with strangers during your six week break up. Yep, it's a viable loophole. In reality, at least as it is filtered through my perspective, if you break up with somebody just so you can have sex with other people because you know you're going to get back together with the first person, that's pretty messed up and you're doing both your fiance and potentially your prospective sex partners a major disservice.

 

Let me ask you this: if your "fiance" has sex with other men while she is away, will this hurt you? Even if you are broken up? Obviously, she would be perfectly within her rights to do so, right?

 

Another question: do you really think that getting married is the right decision for you and this woman at this time? Forgive me, but it doesn't sound at all like you are ready to be married. That is not a slight against you--there is after all no law that says anybody HAS to marry, and many simply are not cut out for "normal," monogamous marriages. If you don't think you are capable of longterm commitment and monogamy, this is the time to speak up for yourself. If you do love your "fiancee" and feel you could commit to her under different circumstances, it might still be possible to reshape the rules of your relationship with her, there are plenty of marriages that thrive on sexual openness as long as both partners are on the same page and everybody is honest and communicative about their needs. And if she is hurt and objects, well, I don't really imagine she'd be much more hurt than she likely was when you proposed breaking up for six weeks while she's away (I assume), and at least she will be able to choose her future path dealing with all the FACTS, instead of entering into a marriage under parameters that her husband is regretful of and not really ready for.

[Star Gazer]

There are three separate threads on this subject.

[Phantom24]

I don't think it matters whether you label it "cheating" or not. The real issue is that you are obviously not fulfilled in your relationship that you felt a break was in order. If you had a strong connection with this woman, then a split wouldn't even come to mind. Six weeks is nothing, but if you have this level of discontentment a break is what is better for you.

 

Go about your business as you want. If you fool around, you owe it to her to be honest if she asks. For you two to ever have anything special you guys will need to grow into as it is clearly not there now. You aren't really at a place where you will be good for a relationship if you are saying you want to have fun while you are single. Have fun. When you meet someone that hits you the right way, you won't be comtemplating temporary break ups.