That_girl Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I broke up with my ex 6 months ago. I ended it, and even though we weren't together that long, it hurt like hell because I didn't want to end,. I do believe that he loved me, but just didn't know how to show it. I definitely loved him. That fact that I'm still feeling this crappy about the whole thing is a testament to that. I told him that I missed him in the email, but that I didn't want him to respond. I just wanted him to know that it wasn't easy for me to hurt him. I just felt like I had to because it was an abusive relationship. He wasn't exactly physically abusive (he grabbed my arms, threw things, punched walls), but he had a lot of issues and it was affecting my self-esteem. He was also very controlling. I don't think he meant to hurt me ever. But overall, I think it was for the best that I ended it because I've been in a physiccally abusive relationship in the past, and my instinct was telling me something worse could happen. But of course, that didn't stop me from loving him, and thinking about him every day since then. He responded a few weeks later, and he said he missed me too. But that he doesn't blame me for ending it because he made so many mistakes. He also said that he thinks about me and that of course he was hurt. I don't know what to think. I thought abusive men were supposed to turn everything around on me. But it seems he holds no hard feelings about the whole thing. Kinda makes me feel sad...like maybe, he wasn't as evil as I had thought. And now I've lost him for good. I know that I shouldn't have made contact with him. But I don't think I'll respond to his email. He said that he would obviously say hello if he saw me, but I don't think I'm ready for that. I'm probably just more affected by the whole thing than he was. I guess the dumper doesn't always get over things more quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Well I am curious as to what makes you think you have lost him for good? Has he saught help for his anger/abuse issues? Link to post Share on other sites
Author That_girl Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 I don't know if he has sought help. He just said he has been keeping busy, trying to block the whole thing out. I just feel like I've lost in the situation. I don't know if he would want to try again. He clearly didn't express that in his message, but I don't think I have the courage to ask. I would be too hurt if he said no. Especially seeing as how I ended it to begin with. It's self-destructive. Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Well you will never know till you ask/state what you want and desire. Sometimes if you want something bad enough you are going to want to take that risk of being hurt. Plus are you going to kick yourself in the butt down the road for not even trying? I know I would. I think it would be self destructive to go back if he hasn't saught help, it is something that is a requirement for you to even consider going back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author That_girl Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 Well you will never know till you ask/state what you want and desire. Sometimes if you want something bad enough you are going to want to take that risk of being hurt. Plus are you going to kick yourself in the butt down the road for not even trying? I know I would. I think it would be self destructive to go back if he hasn't saught help, it is something that is a requirement for you to even consider going back. I don't think I want to ask if he's getting help or not. I don't even know if he would ever wanna get back together with me, so I don't think I have the right to ask that at this point. I'll admit, I'm just really afraid of what he'd say if I did propose something like that. I'm too fragile right now to deal with " I actually met someone else", or "I don't wanna be with you anymore". That's what usually happens in these cases. And I'm just not strong enough to hear that from him right now. Plus he hurt me too much in the past, I can't imagine letting him hurt me again. He cheated on me, and that's when the rest of the problems started unfolding. Should I just not reply and leave at that? Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Well you kind of already answered your own question. Based on your own fears and doubts you don't want to make an attempt because you aren't in the least bit comfortable. If I were in your shoes I'd talk to him about all this because life is too short to have regrets. Normally I would tell a dumpee that they should set the rules for taking the ex, since the common theme here is unjust break ups, back but since you had way too many legit reasons to break up, you would have to set up the rules for your return. Communication is key. If you love him still I think you should at least take the risk and take the leap. Link to post Share on other sites
Popehappycat Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Short relationship and the dude is already throwing tantrums and grabbing you? Red flags! Link to post Share on other sites
Author That_girl Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 Short relationship and the dude is already throwing tantrums and grabbing you? Red flags! I dont know anymore. All of my friends said the same thing, but now that I've ended things, all I can think about is him. I know he never meant to hurt me. I've had a few too many to drink tonight, and I'm really missing him. I just wish I could touch him again. Link to post Share on other sites
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