fallenheart Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I have to break up with my girlfriend tonight. I don't want to. I DO love her. But she doesn't show me any love or respect. I have to do this despite the fact that every impulse tells me not to. We've been together over TWO YEARS. If she doesn't love and respect me now, after all this time and all we've shared together...she never will....will she? I hate the idea of waking up tomorrow knowing it's over, but she's brings me more pain than happiness....so I need to leave her. Right? Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Let me ask you this: Has she wished you a Happy Birthday? Has she given you extra attention today? If not, then you're right...it's time to end it. Because a non-affectionate girlfriend or wife is the worst thing a man can face, and the thing to do is to end it right there and then, if it gets to that point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fallenheart Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 she emailed me this morning, but it lacked any tangible passion. the kind of thing you send your grandmother. and she is meeting for dinner tonight, but nothing really special or overly romantic as far as I know. we'll have the talk then. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweets22 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 It sounds like to me that she has checked out. Have you talked to her about your feelings of being neglected? You don't want to be with someone who doesn't validate you, do you? If she can't even fake it to make it on your birthday, I would consider that a loss. I've been there, the longer you stay, the longer it takes for you to feel ok about yourself. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
ChelseaLS Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Okay... Why did to break up? How long we're you together? How did ab not show you respect? Takes two to tango and two to crash and burn. Link to post Share on other sites
ChelseaLS Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Wow it looks like I am trashed when trying to write from my iPhone.. Please ignore the mistakes.. You know what I mean 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 If she doesn't show you love and respect. Don't bother breaking up with her rght now. Just vanish, take the time to heal and if she confronts you about it then say "Oh I don't want to be with you anymore." Odds are she probably won't notice for a long time. Just mark a moment and then end it in your mind. Take the time for yourself and don't "see" other people until after you've told her and healed. You will gain alot of perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
itsmewren Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I know I'm new, but my advice would be to go ahead and end it. tell her your reasons and then disappear. she might realize what she had once it's gone and be a much better gf in the future OR she is indeed over it in which case you're better off moving on. either way I'm sorry for the pain you're experiencing right now.. and on your birthday too! be strong man. you deserve to be loved and treated right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fallenheart Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 Two years of bad communication. No emails. No "good morning" or "good night" or "what are you doing today?" Nothing. And I forgave it cause she was good to me on the few days a month when we'd actually meet up, but recently I just want more. I want a real commitment and to see if this has a future. Cause if it doesn't....what's the point at all? She barely contacts me at all....her plans for tonight feel obligitory and insincere....I just don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I think it's a very valid reason to want to break up. There could be a lot of reasons she is distant and unengaged like not wanting to seem emotional or clingy but it's impossible for a woman to really love a man and not express it in one way or the other. It sounds like you are genuinely not getting what you need out of the relationship and have given it time. Not sure on your level of communication over this time but I really commend you for wanting to make a decision instead of letting it go on. So I think you are doing the right thing. If you're not happy, staying it in isn't going to make you any happier. You could tell her you don't feel like the relationship is working right now and it's best to separate. You will probably be able to tell a LOT from her reaction. Maybe she feels the same way, maybe she'll realize in a day or two she loved you and just didn't know how to express it and you will hear about it. But at least you will know. Me and my ex were kinda like this, I was holding back and he wanted all the emotion but I didn't know this until he dumped me (of course there was someone else in the picture but had we discussed this before maybe it wouldn't have gone there). I wish he had just said he needed some space or wasn't happy with XYZ...or even just broke up because break ups aren't always bad. I'm sure neither of you want to be stuck in "roommate" mode. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I have to break up with my girlfriend tonight. I don't want to. I DO love her. But she doesn't show me any love or respect. I have to do this despite the fact that every impulse tells me not to. We've been together over TWO YEARS. If she doesn't love and respect me now, after all this time and all we've shared together...she never will....will she? I hate the idea of waking up tomorrow knowing it's over, but she's brings me more pain than happiness....so I need to leave her. Right? How long has she not shown you any love or respect? Did something happen during the relationship to cause her to act this way? Why don't you have a heart to heart talk with her before you break up with her that way you won't have any guilt later on,,, you tried. Link to post Share on other sites
DownNotOut Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 (edited) First off - happy birthday, hope your you had a great one, despite all that's going on in your life. I think it's time to end it - you deserve so much better. The first year of my relationship, my Ex showered me with love and affection - my first birthday with her was one of the best birthdays I've ever had - she went out of her way to make it special... After we hit a year, she sort of checked out of our relationship and her love and affection for me dwindled. I later found out - she started communicating with her ex and disconnected from me. It hurt to see the person I loved to go from loving me for me and showing me it in every possible way to cutting that off and disconnecting. We broke up 2 months ago, my birthday was a couple weeks ago and I got nothing, not even a mere text message wishing me a happy birthday. If your needs aren't being met and you've tried communicating this - I think it's best to look out for no. 1 and find someone who will give you that on all accounts. Depending on how you feel about her and your future together - maybe disconnecting from her and disappearing will force her to realize what she gave up. Edited November 4, 2011 by DownNotOut Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 she's brings me more pain than happiness....so I need to leave her. Right? A relationship should nourish you, not deplete you. It's a hard decision but wise one. You are doing the right thing if you feel this way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 In general, I agree with what most of the posters have said here. But since you've got overwhelming support in deciding to end your relationship, I'm going to play the Devil's advocate. What have you done to communicate your dissatisfaction with the relationship? What have you done to try to reignite passion? These boards are filled with people who were dumped out of the blue who weren't given the chance to work on the relationship. Maybe she's checked out, maybe she hasn't. You don't know unless you engage in a dialogue. Maybe before declaring this relationship dead you should try to resuscitate it. Inject some romance into it. Create some mystery. Take her away for a weekend. Do something. Even if she doesn't respond positively, at least you'll know you did everything you could. Good luck and Happy Birthday. Fallenheart. Link to post Share on other sites
1mp Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 OP, You may well be right to end it with her but to do it on your birthday - and to title your post that way - just screams of punishing yourself. You feel miserable, I know, but torturing yourself on your birthday isn't doing you any favours. do it the day after if you must do it asap. We can't help it when we feel hurt but to purposefully twist the knife yourself is just plain silly. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChelseaLS Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Yeah I am kind of curious... have you talked with her about these things? I think before you go and end it, it should be given a fair chance by discussing things. I am going to agree with mp1... why did you choose your birthday as a day to end it? Sounds like a weird and horrible day to do it. Happy Birthday btw. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine103 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Happy Birthday! Since you are meeting up with her tonight for dinner, put everything out on the table and express your concerns in the relationship. Out of respect for being together two years, in my opinion, that is the right thing to do. Be straightforward! Don't beat around the bush and tell her what's really bothering you! Maybe there is a reason why she is acting so cold and disrespectful? If she doesn't express making an effort to keep the relationship going and acts cold, then leave and do NC! Once communications ends, it's downhill from there! Also, why breakup with her on your birthday? Can't u pick another day! Just think the timing might show that you are a ruthless & heartless SOB! Enjoy your b-day! Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I'm adding my voice to those who say not to do it on your birthday. It's your birthday, you'll be celebrating it every year for the rest of your life. How do you want to remember it? How do you want to mark the day? Do something special for you. Be with people who love you. Postpone tonight's dinner, because it's probably going to lead to nothing but hurt - a feeling you don't need to feed on your birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Yeah but you also don't want to spend you birthday with something eating away at you that you need to get off your chest. If you can do something other than the dinner with her, go for it. But otherwise, it's not like you were planning a memorable birthday otherwise- you never know, she could surprise you (I want to know if she does!). It'd be different if it was her birthday, now I think that would be mean. Good luck whatever you do and happy birthday! Link to post Share on other sites
RIO5 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 There are 365 days in a year and you have to end it with her on your birthday? Im curious as to why you stood with her for this long. There has to be more to your story. Your girlfriend had to be doing something 'amazing' for you to tolerate her B.S. for such a long time. Well, it takes a real man to know when to walk away from a bad thing. I hope you made the right choice but...you should at least end it her tomorrow. Today is your day bro...enjoy it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author fallenheart Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 Obviously, the worst birthday of my life. I went to meet her for dinner and neither one of us was hungry. The tension was palpable, so I said "let's just talk" instead. I laid it all out. Everything. I asked her why she stopped loving me and she couldn't give me a very good reason but admitted her feelings for me were gone. Why couldn't it wait one more day? Why ruin my birthday like that? Cause I didn't want to spend a sham birthday going through the motions with a girl that doesn't love me, especially when a year ago the SAME girl was loving and caring. Why even put myself through that...I decided it was best to not sit through an awkward, loveless evening. But it was way way harder than I ever imagined when I watched her walk away the last time, knowing I'm never going to see her, touch her, hold her, ever ever again....never make her smile, never watch her sleep. It's all gone forever now and I can't stop crying. Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I'm really sorry this happened, Fallenheart, especially on your birthday of all days. It sounds like you were right in thinking she had disconnected. And I know this isn't going to help, but maybe given the circumstances it's better to have it over with than still wondering. I don't now, only time will tell. And maybe someday down the road when she's reflecting on her life she'll think about how she broke a guys heart on his birthday. I think the best birthday present you can give to yourself now is to cut off ties and start the journey forward. Just disappear from her life. If you don't have anything too valuable of each others I wouldn't even bother taking your stuff. Take care of yourself and keep us in the loop. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I think you did the right thing. And even more it sounds like you believe you did the right thing and that is what matters. The loss of anyone close that's been in your life this long is going to hurt and will take time to recover. I wish you the best in healing and hope your future brings you a woman who makes you feel that special way. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I'm sure we cannot berate you any more than you're berating yourself. I'm very sorry it turned out the way it did. Unfortunately, there's no going back now. As Ajax wrote, best to move forward and go NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Mcnulty Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 God, i feel for you mate. if you read my back story, we're going through very similiar circumstances. They keep you at a distance, you become unhappy, it ends and you feel like she got one up on you...me too. It's awful and I totally identify with the sadness of never being able to see or touch them again...so sad. I still love her even though she stabbed me in the back...i don't think she even liked me at the end....but remember this...I ended it like you, she came crawling back...I took her back in the summer to be **** on from a great height....DO NOT TAKE HER BACK PLEASE!! I wish you strength mate. Link to post Share on other sites
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