Today is my birthday. I'm ending it with her tonight.

[esteem-jam]

Happy Birthday then!

 

About Hope:

Obama said lets hope bla bla...

Romney got him: hope is not a strategy!

[KatZee]

****.

 

goddamnit. They say time heals all wounds but here I am one year later and I couldn't possibly agree more with the sentiments Past Me made one year ago.

 

It's my birthday again. And this time I'm OLDER....and more tired....and more cold....and more ****ing ALONE. And I'll always be alone.

 

Hope is for ****ing losers. If you have a glimmer of hope do yourself a goddamn favor and kill yourself now. Cause there is no happy ending. There is no pot of gold.

 

Just sadness and cold and wet and emptiness and despair.

 

****ing kill yourself. I think I'm gonna, sooner than later, cause there sure as **** isn't any point in going on.

 

This is so far from the truth it's not even funny.

 

First, Happy Birthday. You can't be much worse than me, just the other day I bent over to get something and my whole back cramped out and I couldn't get back up. I HAVEN'T EVEN HIT 30! I'm screwed let me tell ya.

 

Second, it's been a year. What have you done within this year to better YOURSELF? I think you expected to just leave the old girlfriend and immediately find someone who would fulfill all the wants and needs you were looking for. This really isn't reality.

 

When my first love broke up with me, I didn't fall in love with another person for the next SEVEN YEARS. Seven years!!! True connections, and true love are few and far between. That doesn't roll around every day.

 

After that relationship I basically spent the next 7 years jumping from relationship to relationship. Unhappy. Wondering why I couldn't meet anyone I loved like the first. Then I met the 2nd guy I've ever loved in my life-- my most recent ex which really didn't end well, but it's 6 months since that split, and I'm healthier, smarter, wiser and more aware of myself than I've ever been in my lifetime.

 

I've finally realized you can't be happy with anyone else unless you're happy with yourself. I finally KNOW myself. I know who I am, what I want, what I need, what I deserve. I'm doing more things. I'm getting out there. I'm meeting new people. I'm GROWING. I'm doing all the things I never was able to do while I was with my ex. I'm playing. I'm exploring. I'm laughing and living. I'm getting to the root of my old issues by reading books, by helping others on here, by doing good at my job, by getting out into the world on my own and supporting myself. By showing others that my ex didn't win. I have the best revenge, living well. Happy.

 

Instead of moping and complaining, why not make efforts to change your life and your situation? Your life is far too precious to just go and kill yourself. Trust me that's NOT the answer, and it's not the way out.

 

True strength is shown by how tall you stand once it's said and done. Why are you letting this chick win? The chick who wasn't even a good girlfriend to begin with? You know deep down you deserve more, so why wallow all over that? You are better off without that and you should be showing her that.

 

When my ex dumped me, I basically lost all my friends. I've moved around a lot and when I got with him I just started hanging with his circle. I lost it all when he dumped me. Lost my boyfriend, lost my supposed "friends" lost my stability, lost my way, lost the closest person to me. I literally had nothing, and for the past 6 months I have fought tooth and nail to establish myself for ME. I started reconnecting with old friends, and what's helped a lot as of late is the site Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup.

 

There are groups for EVERY kind of interest you can possibly think of. I've joined about 5 groups now, and I've gone to one event... it was definitely a little awkward just going somewhere where you no NO ONE but I've since joined three more events in other groups. I can't wait to meet new people and start my OWN circles so I won't be screwed if I ever find myself in this situation again.

 

Get OUT there. Be the change you want to see.

[KatZee]

Funny thing happened...woke up and for the first time had to REMIND myself immediately to feel miserable, instead of it just happening. And so I thought...wait...why feel miserable? If there is even a slight chance that I can get through the worst of this and heal quickly, why not embrace THAT instead of wallowing in self-pity?

 

So I made a decision. When people ask me how I am, instead of saying "terrible" and launching into a soliloquy about my pain....I'll just say I'm doing better or doing fine. I'm too old and life is too short for another prolonged drawn out depression where I toture myself over some girl that left me. I've done it after every major relationship of my life and I always feel like an idiot when I see how much time I wasted by purposely indulging in my own misery. Not this time.

 

 

 

 

And what happened to this?

[xpaperxcutx]

Happy Bday! What a coincidence it's my birthday was as well. One I will say, life throws you alot of lemon peels but at the end of the day, it's when you sit down to enjoy the lemonade that's what makes life worthwhile.

 

A year ago, I was stuck in an unhappy job and I didn't have a lovelife. I dated alot of guys who had no other motive than to bed me. I even got played badly by a guy. Given all that, I too, thought life was miserable. But I recently met my boyfriend this past summer. I wasn't looking for it, but he gave me the love I never thought I deserved. We've been together close to 3 months now. And last night, he surprised me with a rose and a Hello Kitty doll. To others it may not seem much, but the fact he went out of his way to surprise me and wish me my first Happy Birthday means more than money can buy.

 

You needn't give up. Just don't be so hard on yourself either.

[theLWord]

Fallenheart, Happy birthday.

 

I was reading this and feel the same way you did in your earlier posts. It's heart wrenching. I was happy you were getting better, until your last post!

 

I'm really sorry you feel this way. It sounds to me like you're depressed because you're alone more than you are about not being with your ex. She treated you badly, you deserve better. I think you should make an appointment with a therapist. I was as depressed as you before I did. You aren't a loser, your internal dialogue could be what's keeping you down. Also, when you can kick depression's ass and remind yourself that that is your ''depressed self'' talking, and try to do something to keep your mind busy, it really helps your mood. Go far a walk, listen to music, read, contact a friend or family. ANYTHING but sit there and let it repeat. Once you feel better and are more positive, someone will come into your life that treats you better. Try to work on you, let that be your birthday present.

[Frank13]

Sorry, this was a reply to the original thread. Didn't realize the OP cam eback after a year.

Edited November 4, 2012 by Frank13

[Mack05]

Fairly inspirtional post by Katzee. Loved it and really related to it.

 

I too mate suffered from depression. I too suffered from low self esteem. I too felt as disillusioned with the world as you do right now. I hit rock bottom before finally deciding to make a change. For me that change was moving country. I took my self out of my comfort zone and challenged myself. I took the shackles off my feet and put myself out there. Not easy when your 37. I embraced it made loads of new friends and my confidence that had been missing for so many years came slowly back.

 

I got myself into a routine from Monday to Friday. Every morning and evening I worked out. Some mornings/evenings it was the last thing I wanted to do BUT I forced myself. Excerise in my opinion is the best thing in the world to beat depression. With my job I gave it 110%. My diet from Mon - Fri I knew what I was cooking everyday. Same with housework. I felt I was on a mission. I would journal a lot and try piece all my thoughts together. I put a huge focus on the following areas of my life. Emotional, Spirtual, Financial and Physical. I made a list of goals I wanted to achieve and put my focus on delivering those goals.

 

On weekends I never had a plan. Whatever I was going to do I was going to be spontaneous. It was going to be something different. The weekends were a reward for my hard work and I was determined to leave the iPad and tv off and get out there.

 

I would like to recommend Johns Worth. It's a herbal remedy for depression. If you exercise regularly, I'm sure JW will help u too...It's your birthday mate. Make a pact with yourself that you will NEVER feel this way again. That your next birthday will be one of your best. Only you can change things. Katzee is right, unless you are happy in yourself then you will never meet anyone (at least anyone worthwhile, if you are not happy in yourself your 'picker' is way off).

 

When you are at your best it seems opportunities open up in life. Who knows why that is. Only yesterday I am out having a quiet drink and I notice a very attractive girl looking at me. I go straight up to her and talk to her. She was waiting for a friend who was running late. Long story short next week we are going on a date. 12 months ago I would have looked away and eventually left the bar. 12 months ago she wouldn't have even looked at me in the first place...

 

Do me a favour. YouTube Rocky's speech to his son. It is an amazing speech about life, the challenges it provides us and what we need to do to overcome these challenges. As for hope, my favourite quote about hope comes from the Shawshank redemption. "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies"...Happy Birthday

Edited November 4, 2012 by Mack05

[amaysngrace]

Did you place unrealistic expectations on her? I don't know what one thing has to do with the other.

 

She got you a crappy gift or something?

 

What did you do for her on her birthday?

[Tiera D]

reading this thread just made my day worst somehow..OP seems to be in a horrible position

 

TD

[sissy106]

Why are you picking up this special day to leave her.... do you want to remember your birthday throughout your life as a breakup day?

 

Its ur decision to do wat u feel like but dont be cruel to urself. As per your posts, she dont seem to be in love with you...so u definitely need to move on but plz pick some another day.

[cavalier99]

This is a heartbreaking thread. I'm not sure what happened but know that whatever you feel now, however low, can be 100 percent different only months from now if you take action. How you feel now isn't because of the breakup . Please talk to a professional. You can be OK again!