Kali91 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 My bf constantly makes jokes about hurting me. Slapping me, losing teeth, bloody noses, eyes swollen shut. He's always sizing me up and saying how small, weak and fragile I am, calling this cute. And how I'm the weak woman and he's the strong man. How easy it would be for him to break a bone or knock me out. He makes up stories and puts us in these weird scenarios. Like me waking up in the hospital and not remember anything except for the silhouette of his fist. Me telling my friends that what doesn't hurt me makes me stronger. How people think he's such a good dude and would never suspect he'd do such a thing. He's always saying things like "I really don't want to have to hurt nobody today." Balling his fist... Sometimes when we're walking he'll grab hold of my neck.... This usually only happens when we're walking from the car to apt, where nobody can see. We were walking to the car from the beach last night and a group of people were walking by. He was holding me by the neck and as we got closer I tried to remove his grip, but he wouldn't let go. He smiled and asked if I was scared they'd think he beat me. I wasn't sure if he was joking or not, but I was high and he totally knocked me down a few notches. I was just confused, and he was hurting my neck. I don't know what happened, but he suddenly let go and looked at me funny. "What's wrong, you don't want me holding you?" Maybe I was high and being paranoid, but that's not something I normally do. It just didn't feel right. I just kept pulling away and telling him to let go. He apologized sarcastically later. "Sorry if I shook you up, a man shouldn't scare or slap his woman around. You're so cute." Then he proceeded to talking about how he wouldn't want to have to hurt me because I was too cute... I told him he was a storyteller. He asked if I liked his stories... I asked if he was kidding and he said nevermind. I asked him later on what he meant by it and he said "whatever I said, I was just joking." And that was the end of that. Though he woke up today the same old him, talking about kicking my butt. Just a few minutes ago he was looking for something and I told him where it was. His response: "See, you are good for something" He talks about how he manipulates people to get what he wants... After the neck thing last night I'm thinking maybe I should pay more attention to these types of comments. He always turns casual conversations into argument. For example the other day we were in traffic and a dude on a Harley was in the lane next to us. My bf asked if his bike looked new. I'm thinking we're just engaging in insignificant chatter. I told him the bike looked new, but considering the fact the he had on a bikers' jacket, it probably wasn't. He just took care of his bike. My boyfriend agreed. Then I just decided to change it up. I said maybe it was a new bike. That since he's in a biking club, he's probably been riding forever, and that Harley probably wasn't his first bike. It turned into a huge argument. He said I was trying to prove him wrong, and that I should just listen to him... That he knew these types of things. I didn't know it was that serious. I thought we were just talking. He hates being wrong. We can't just talk about silly things unless I feel like holding my tongue and just nodding at everything he says. Does this sound red flag? Am I overanalyzing? Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Control freak/egomaniac. Run like the wind. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 What do you know for sure? That this relationship is making you unhappy. These comments and actions are making you unhappy. These arguments are making you unhappy. These threats, jokes, assaults are making you unhappy. That's a whole lot of unhappiness. What do you want from a relationship, from life? Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 This sounds like a troll post. If not, get away from that guy ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Does this sound red flag? It's a giant red banner being trailed behind a bright red aeroplane. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 As others have said, the bottom line is you are unhappy. And there are a ton of guys out there who will treat you with respect, affection, and genuine love without fear. Being in a relationship is about mutual respect and care for one another; not about threat and fear of pain. I would run, run, run... Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 He's using every trick in the book to manipulate and control you; he'll lower you self esteem and get you to a point where you'll fear leaving him, not only out of what he may do to you, but also because he'll make you love him and now want to leave - hence why the anger one time and then the sweetness another. He's basically treating you like a worthless piece of sh*t and the worse thing is, you're letting him do it. I bet, I put money on it, that whenever you tell anyone about this, they all tell you to leave him and every response you give them back always starts with "yeah, but..." and then come the pathetic excuses of why you can't leave him - all nice stuff about how he's not always like this and how sometimes it's your fault.. blah blah blah. That's not your words, they're his. He's controlling you full stop - if you want it to end, you have to be the one to end it. Don't for one second think he'll change - as long as he's with you, he'll never change. Things will only get worse. The decision is yours - do you want to be happy, treated with respect and love, then get out, leave his pathetic worthless a$$ right now. I doubt you will though - I bet you post back on here with some excuse about why you can't leave him... Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Get. Out. Now. There isn't one red flag. There are several. He is a sick guy. He pretends like everything is a joke to make it innocuous so he can continue to get away with manipulation and abuse. He is going to get worse. There's no question. And if you stay, by the time he's done you won't have a shred of self esteem left and you won't trust your own judgement because he's trying to supplant yours with his. It sounds like he's grooming you for worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Control freak/egomaniac. Run like the wind. Lets hope it's windy. Link to post Share on other sites
shayla Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I am hoping that this post is serious. I am a survivor of domestic violence and I don't take this subject lightly. That being said, my reply is a short one. Get out now. Do not analyze, do not wonder, and do not say a word to him about leaving. Just do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Dusk1983 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 WTF is wrong with some people. This guy is a sick ****. I can speak for most men when I say, I'd love to kick the kicking **** out of this cretin. Please leave him. Today. Not to derail the thread, but the saddest part for me is that a narcissistic and manipulative loser like this will never have a problem finding another woman. Absolutely no disrespect to any of you who have been through a relationship like this, but I'm afraid many women don't seem to be able to distinguish between the guy who's a borderline sociopath and the guy who's a 'sexy' / 'strong' / 'alpha' hot catch. Link to post Share on other sites
rightfield Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Sociopath. Get away from this person before he gets too far inside your head and makes you feel worthless. Don't just take our word for it. Research this yourself. Here's a start. http://www.divinecaroline.com/22074/42869-top-10-signs-an-abusive/2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Let me ask you. Does your BF show this side of himself to his friends? Do they all think he's a great guy who while strong wouldn't hurt a flea? Everything you have told us about him says that your boyfriend is a sociopath who is telling you what he will end up doing to you eventually. http://www.lovefraud.com/12_leavingAsociopath/Escape_sociopath_abuse.html Some sociopaths are capable of incredible violence, including murder. If you are involved with a sociopath who is physically abusive, leave as soon as possible. Many victims of abuse find it difficult to break away. You may be doubting your perceptions. You may be embarrassed by what you have already endured. You may feel like you can't survive on your own. Please understand that sociopaths are very good at twisting your mind and making you question your own good judgment. The sociopath is probably telling you that the abuse is your own fault. This is nothing but classic manipulation. There is never a valid excuse for domestic violence. Ask yourself, If this was anyone but him how would I react? Then do what the answer says. Link to post Share on other sites
rightfield Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 It's not that simple. I've seen first hand, a very strong woman with great character be manipulated by a sociopath. It took her a while to figure it out, and until you read up on what makes these people tick, it's enormously hard for those of us who are wired normally to understand. So it isn't something to be ashamed of or a reason to feel worthless. OP just needs to get out of that situation, and continuing to level the "she's worthless" judgement on her is really to just pile emotional abuse on someone who already has her plate full of that s***. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Does this sound red flag? Am I overanalyzing? When you asked the question, I was wondering why you even had to ask. But being a survivor of domestic violence, I realize that the manipulation and control can slowly alter your mindset into complete submission and denial. Please get out. It is a red flag. And you are not overanalyzing. He will break your self esteem down to nothing and he's already doing it. The fact that you're uncertain about your judgments is not a good thing. If you keep allowing this, and if he ever puts his words into action one day, he will hit you and you'll smile awkwardly and tell people you deserved it. That's when he would have done his job of having complete control over you. The good thing is that you still have some sense of awareness and your instincts are telling you something is wrong. Listen. Listen. Listen. Things won't get any better, infact it may get worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 If you are being serious, then get as far away as possible from him. He sounds like a total dick. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 What, this is so freaky. Seriously. If you're not a troll, you'd better run, tell the cops, and get a restraining order on him. Link to post Share on other sites
rocketboy9 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 If he is just joking, than he is a freak and has issues. Talking about putting your girlfriend in the hospital is not funny in the least. I have a feeling that one day all that talk is going to translate into action on his part. Than you are going to be in a world of hurt. You should get out now before it gets too much further along. Link to post Share on other sites
Mutant Debutante Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 This isn't a good guy. This isn't a good relationship. My mom dated a couple jackholes with this same "sense of humor" and they always ended up making it for real some time when they were wasted and she got "outta line". Always her fault, or ours, never his of course. Hey, it's part of why she lost custody of all her kids. Hope that's not the future you're looking for, OP. Fat lip, busted ribs, drug problem, boyfriend that only likes you cause you let him power trip all over you, kids rather be on the street than in your house. Not pretty. Don't go there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kali91 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 What do you know for sure? That this relationship is making you unhappy. These comments and actions are making you unhappy. These arguments are making you unhappy. These threats, jokes, assaults are making you unhappy. That's a whole lot of unhappiness. What do you want from a relationship, from life? It gets irritating, but I am happy. Aside from when we argue, he's the sweetest. He really is. I just only mentioned the bad and ugly. I'm only 19, but I've had my share of bad relationships and aside from the joking, he's great. Link to post Share on other sites
ShannonMI Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 My bf constantly makes jokes about hurting me. Slapping me, losing teeth, bloody noses, eyes swollen shut. He's always sizing me up and saying how small, weak and fragile I am, calling this cute. And how I'm the weak woman and he's the strong man. How easy it would be for him to break a bone or knock me out. He makes up stories and puts us in these weird scenarios. Like me waking up in the hospital and not remember anything except for the silhouette of his fist. Me telling my friends that what doesn't hurt me makes me stronger. How people think he's such a good dude and would never suspect he'd do such a thing. He's always saying things like "I really don't want to have to hurt nobody today." Balling his fist... Sometimes when we're walking he'll grab hold of my neck.... This usually only happens when we're walking from the car to apt, where nobody can see. We were walking to the car from the beach last night and a group of people were walking by. He was holding me by the neck and as we got closer I tried to remove his grip, but he wouldn't let go. He smiled and asked if I was scared they'd think he beat me. I wasn't sure if he was joking or not, but I was high and he totally knocked me down a few notches. I was just confused, and he was hurting my neck. I don't know what happened, but he suddenly let go and looked at me funny. "What's wrong, you don't want me holding you?" Maybe I was high and being paranoid, but that's not something I normally do. It just didn't feel right. I just kept pulling away and telling him to let go. He apologized sarcastically later. "Sorry if I shook you up, a man shouldn't scare or slap his woman around. You're so cute." Then he proceeded to talking about how he wouldn't want to have to hurt me because I was too cute... I told him he was a storyteller. He asked if I liked his stories... I asked if he was kidding and he said nevermind. I asked him later on what he meant by it and he said "whatever I said, I was just joking." And that was the end of that. Though he woke up today the same old him, talking about kicking my butt. Just a few minutes ago he was looking for something and I told him where it was. His response: "See, you are good for something" He talks about how he manipulates people to get what he wants... After the neck thing last night I'm thinking maybe I should pay more attention to these types of comments. He always turns casual conversations into argument. For example the other day we were in traffic and a dude on a Harley was in the lane next to us. My bf asked if his bike looked new. I'm thinking we're just engaging in insignificant chatter. I told him the bike looked new, but considering the fact the he had on a bikers' jacket, it probably wasn't. He just took care of his bike. My boyfriend agreed. Then I just decided to change it up. I said maybe it was a new bike. That since he's in a biking club, he's probably been riding forever, and that Harley probably wasn't his first bike. It turned into a huge argument. He said I was trying to prove him wrong, and that I should just listen to him... That he knew these types of things. I didn't know it was that serious. I thought we were just talking. He hates being wrong. We can't just talk about silly things unless I feel like holding my tongue and just nodding at everything he says. Does this sound red flag? Am I overanalyzing? Ahhhh yes a big red flag. Run like hell!!!:eek: Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 When I was being sassy or silly, my ex used to VERY JOKINGLY say, "Don't make me hit you" while pulling his hand up to his face as if he was going to backslap me. This was always done at a distance, and he couldn't even hold his serious face for 2 seconds before he busted out laughing (myself included). If THAT was what you were experiencing, I'd say it was no big deal. But it's not. Run, and run fast and far. Link to post Share on other sites
ShannonMI Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 It gets irritating, but I am happy. Aside from when we argue, he's the sweetest. He really is. I just only mentioned the bad and ugly. I'm only 19, but I've had my share of bad relationships and aside from the joking, he's great. He's the sweetest until something sets him off and he beats the sh*t out of you. You're young. There are plenty of fish in the sea, honey. Dump this piece of sh*t before you end up in intensive care or worse, DEAD. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kali91 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 I bet, I put money on it, that whenever you tell anyone about this, they all tell you to leave him and every response you give them back always starts with "yeah, but..." and then come the pathetic excuses of why you can't leave him - all nice stuff about how he's not always like this and how sometimes it's your fault.. blah blah blah. That's not your words, they're his. He's controlling you full stop - if you want it to end, you have to be the one to end it. Don't for one second think he'll change - as long as he's with you, he'll never change. Things will only get worse. The decision is yours - do you want to be happy, treated with respect and love, then get out, leave his pathetic worthless a$$ right now. I doubt you will though - I bet you post back on here with some excuse about why you can't leave him... Nobody knows about these things. I left school for him. I don't want to completely say it's his fault, but I was raped when I went to school and we - together - came to the conclusion that it would be best if I came home. I told him I couldn't just leave school and go back home... So I live with him now... I know from what I've said you wouldn't believe it, but he does respect me.. He does so much for me. He's been in bad relationships. He's been treated wrong. I told him that I wasn't bsing him. I don't want to let him down. We're supposed to be together forever. Do I sound crazy? Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 It gets irritating, but I am happy. Aside from when we argue, he's the sweetest. He really is. I just only mentioned the bad and ugly. I'm only 19, but I've had my share of bad relationships and aside from the joking, he's great. Aside from the joking? Is he joking when he talks about hurting you constantly, because you do sound concerned? Is he joking when he says he manipulates people to get what he wants? Is he joking when he, as you said, always turns casual conversations into arguments? Is he joking when he is mentally imagining putting you in situations that are life threatening as in you in the hospital with a silhoutte of his fist? Where are the jokes? You've had you share of bad relationships so I guess you believe this a little step higher than what you've had. Aim higher. He may be the sweetest at times, but there's also a lot of "ugly" traits that will be detrimental to you in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
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