I still want him back

[ghett0fab2003]

I was with this guy James for 2 ½ years. We were in love and happy with a few minor problems. We were really in love and had talked about moving in together next year when I go to college and getting married. He already told people i was his wife - in a joking way. he always said if we were a few years older he wouldve asked me to marry him already.

 

It was love at first sight. I knew quickly that he was my soul mate and the one I want ot marry. I know it is true love because I no longer feel complete without him. Ever since he left me my whole world has fallen apart and I’ve been very depressed. Him and I got very close and became best friends. We learned to use each other as a support system.

Then, over night things got weird and he eventually stopped talking to me all together for a week. When I finally got a hold of him I had to force it out of him to break up with me. He told me he wanted to be friends, which seemed to be ok for a while. He came to visit me 1 week after the break up and promised to come and see me once a week.

 

The weeks went by and he kept putting off seeing me. His mood was always changing by the week. One week he’d act as though he still loved me and the next week he would act like he hated me. Finally things got really bad and after he yelled at me for no reason we stopped talking.

 

One week later he called me back and told me he was sorry and how he has met another girl (this is about a month after the break up) and that it had made him realize that he really had true love with me and with her it was puppy love. So I am guesed he called me once things with her failed. He told me he wanted to be friends and he would be interested in ‘hanging out’ with me again. After that he would call me every day. He would talk to me about all this problems and I was always there to listen. Everyone told me to leave him alone and that if he loved me he would come back. I thought that was why he called me... i thought he was starting to see that he did want to be with me. After a week of things going on like this I asked him to come over. Things started to get very close.

 

A lot of things happened that day. I confessed my love for him and he said he had feelings for me, too, but no longer feelings of love like he used to. He told me that someday that he may love me again but not now. He told me I am not everything he wants anymore and he has talked about wanting to be more ‘extreme’ and meeting new people. Things started to get romantic. I asked him to spend the night and somehow it turned into an argument because I didn’t want him to leave angry. We ended up making up and he left for home at 1 am and told me he wanted to see me the next day.

 

I thought we were really starting to get to a point where we could work things out. We had a lot of fun. We ended up having sex. For some reason I thought sex would bring us back together but it didn’t. He acted as if he was falling for me again but after that I started to talk to him less and avoided him the whole weekend.

 

then I started talking to him again but just as friends. Neither of us have brought up what had happened that day. But slowely we both stared talking less and less as we both become preoccupied with our own lives.

 

it has now been a week since i last talked to him at all besides on quick email i sent him. he wrote me back and he as sorry he hadnt been calling me but he wanted to elimiante the phone from his life right now becaue he is trying to get over his drug addiction to pot because he thinks it is getting in the way of his goals but he said he still wanted to talk to me soon and that as soon as he gets a car he will be comming to see me and thanked me for being 'the best friend" i wrote him back telling him that i want to be here for him but im donen being hurt and walked all over

 

it has now been 2 months since weve broken up and everytime I have attempted to get over him, i have failed. i feel like i cant live without him and i am still so inlove with him, but most of all i worry about him a lot. I think he may be making a mistake and he has questioned that, too. I really want to be able to work things out later on, and even though he told me before that in future maybe he would, too, i wonder if there is anypoint in it now. I am only being his friends because i still love him and i am afraid of getting hurt. lately i have been thinking that the reason why he hasnt called me is because he got yet another girl and the he will only call me when he doesnt have another girl to talk to. No doubt i did a lot of stupid things in the past to months, but i want to know what i can do now and if there is anything i can do to fix things or to attempet to work things out with him later on. I think that once he figures things out in his life we may still be able work things out. Can any help me? Is there anything i can do? I dont want to live a life without him.. it hurts

[masemaid]

ok,i hear you...right now i'm in the same situation, where my ex is seeing this other guy and going out on dates.He still loves you yes,but you are to much right now and he can't handle it.Do you understand...hey if he wants to be ur friend...be that, i know it hurts and i'm hurting too.If you really love him how you say you do...don't give up....i person who tries will always beat a person that gives up.Just go on with your life....if you have some friends...go out with them...meet guys.Be up front though...you know what i mean.It seems as though you love him alot.He will come back..he just confused and is dealing with alot it seems.So, with you pressuring him..his mind is clouded.2.6 years is along time..and if he truly loved you..you don't forget about that. Take one day at a time and be strong with everything...give it time..and if he wants you to be his friend be that.Don't talk about (us) talk about life....his problems..and show that your concerned...listen to him.

[ghett0fab2003]

well, thank you. i dont want to give up on him and i do think that he must have love for me because i know he has way to much going on and i love him enough to accept that and to let him go through this with out me if that is what he wants

 

the problem is not that he wants to be solo, it is that he keep going back and forth and he keeps hurting me each time he does it. that is why i dont want to be his friend anymore because i only get hurt but i do want to help him out and i havent given up, i have jsut been giving him space

 

so i havent been talking to him still but i still miss him so much and still cry for him at night but i am trying to establish a life on my own without him but it is hard

[2ndConfusedfemale]

This is just my .02 cents...I think that you should distance yourself from him for a while. Someone can only hurt you again and again if you allow them to. He's said that he doesn't love you the way that he did, and that he has to take care of his addiction (take care of himself), so why shouldn't you do the same? If all he wants to be is friends and you want more, then you both will have problems. You can't be friends with him while you are still in love with him. Because everytime he acts "friendly" instead of "boyfriendly" you'll be hurt. I'm not saying that you should just be cruel to him etc. But he put you on hold while he saw another girl, all the while you sat back pining ayway for him...and now that she's gone he STILL isn't yours. You need to love you the way that you love him, and take care of yourself. Stop hurting yourself by expecting and wanting more from someone who can't give it to you (right now). Let him work out his addiction (he'd probably be a better person to be in a relationship with when he's handled that). But while he is doing that you work on yourself too. So that if you do get back together you'll be two better people who can create a better relationship. But stop doing things that hurt you, stop asking him questions and getting mad at him for the wrong answers. He could handle things a lot worse by not saying anything at all. So LISTEN to what he's telling you, and behave in a selfprotective manner.