leedlee1 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 The up and down is because she's gaslighting you, keeping you as a backup option, someone safe to provide security and money etc, and there in case any new relationship goes wrong. You are allowing yourself to be a number 2 option, you are allowing yourself to get baited by her. Stop freaking out at her, there's no need, You're words to her 'Wife I get it now, I know you want to be free to find a new boyfriend, I've changed my mind, I think it's for the best, I've even helped you move out by packing your bags' Good luck!! Give her what she wants!! the chances of getting her back are 1million times higher that way (If you want her back). Set her free!! Drop all contact, get yourself out having some fun. Go to counselling on your own try to work on yourself. +1 Good advice. Ive been there, done that got the t-shirt, Seriously if i could turn back time this would be my approach. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Change will not occur unless the other person wants to change, and not until you demand it. You haven't, therefore she has no reason to change. Put your foot down, stand up for yourself, tell her what you expect, and tell her IDK is not acceptable anymore. She needs to decide, you need to nudge her. She's fencesitting, you need to push her off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bernyberns Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 Every time I have put my foot down she says fine I'll leave..and I'll say watever..and nothing happens..shes staying with her mom now and is still undecided.. She says she wants everyone to leave her alone..me..her mom..her grandparents..everyone that cares and wants to know wats going on with her..I can't believe the person she is now..how can someone promise you there love forever before god and family..and then completely abandon them and only consider their feelings..she calls me and always says she loves me when she gets off the phone..she always say it first..yesterday she called me just to tell me she thought she has a phobia of roaches.. I'm so depressed and hurt..I've never felt like this in my life..I cant imagine going on without her..sleeping alone is absolutely breaking me..I washed some clothes today..some of them hers..I teared up..I go to work and everyone says I look lonely..I drive home and cry in the driveway..I drink and sob.. When I talk to my parents they why isn't she working things out with you..her husband..her family tell her no such thing..and encourage her to walk from her marriage..she freaked out on me and said do u keep wanting me to do wat everyone wants me to do?? Because I'll come get my stuff now..my family tells me I should and they will pay for everything..I'm like why in the hell aren't they telling you to stop being an indecisive brat and grow up and talk to your husband Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 The up and down is because she's gaslighting you, keeping you as a backup option, someone safe to provide security and money etc, and there in case any new relationship goes wrong. You are allowing yourself to be a number 2 option, you are allowing yourself to get baited by her. Stop freaking out at her, there's no need, You're words to her 'Wife I get it now, I know you want to be free to find a new boyfriend, I've changed my mind, I think it's for the best, I've even helped you move out by packing your bags' Good luck!! Give her what she wants!! the chances of getting her back are 1million times higher that way (If you want her back). Set her free!! Drop all contact, get yourself out having some fun. Go to counselling on your own try to work on yourself. ^^^^This. Set her free. Whatever is going on is her problem. I'd suggest you don't even waste time snooping at this point. Get busy doing for yourself things that make you happy. If she really wants to stay M, she'll come back on her own. She must explain to you why she's acting the way she is. Do not accept anything other than she's fallen for someone else. She has, you know. In her mind, she's wondering if there are greener pastures elsewhere. Gas lighting is what they call her actions. She thinks she'd be better off elsewhere but doesn't want to lose the comfort and security of your M. That's why she says she still loves you and is in love with you. Do not talk to her anymore!!! Go NC. Do not let your family or hers bring you together for a talk. Give her at least 3 months NC so that by time you both talk she has understood that you'll not tolerate that kind of nonsense. At that point, you'll be in control and will decide what you want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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