Rorschach64 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Story of the break up: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t289896/ (Additional tidbits: She got extremely defensive when I asked her who she was texting and she told me before I saw her she wants to go have sex, drink, and party with friends after an argument with her mom about going out.) The urge to break NC has been rising since I had a dream about breaking it and regretting it, weird isn't it? Especially weird since I have been preaching not breaking it. The urge to break NC is because 5 months have passed of NC and not a peep from her, not even a checking in message after I sent her a letter saying I don't hate her and wishing her the best. Main reason I am thinking about breaking NC is to try for, I dunno, 3rd or 4th time to try to work things out. I don't mean just being friendly and hoping my charm will get her, I mean being blunt and forth right because it has been almost half a year now. Maybe if I show her I grew and improved become stronger and so forth it might be different. Please someone tell me this might be a totally insane idea? Link to post Share on other sites
Bobby289 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 NO NO NO NO NO! ohh yeah and NO! Come on man you know this is a bad idea. You give good advice so what would you say to yourself? Not trying to be a dick when I say this but I don't like your ex, just from everything I hear from you. You know you don't deserve being treated like this still. "Maybe if I show her I grew and improved become stronger and so forth it might be different." Thats great for you but if only one works on themselves thats not going to change the relationship, it take both of you. She has not seemed to make that change for herself so just stick to NC. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 The best way to show her you've grown is by showing her you have grown out of having to show her. It doesn't matter what she thinks of you. What matters is what you think of you. If circumstances transpire that you are in the same room as each other again (and by that, I do mean circumstances; not you engineering them to be so) you want to be in the position of thinking, "is she good enough for me?" not in the position of "I hope I'm good enough for her now" Let go of whatever it is that's tying you to the past. Value the good times and what you have learned, and just be you. You survived for years before her, you're now a better, bigger, kinder, stronger, more whole man. You know so much more about yourself than you did 5 months ago. Don't put yourself down so much as to need her now. You're the man! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorschach64 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 Heh, that kind of made me chuckle a little bit, I needed that. You're right it is great that I worked on myself but if she worked on herself she'd be the one contacting me. Haha...yeah you're right, the hell was I thinking. Stupid weak moments. Yeah you aren't the first one to say she isn't likeable, my one friend called her the devil. Thanks bobby! Link to post Share on other sites
fenderjames Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Dont do it bro . Youve come 5 months and I think thats awesome ! Im 3 months , its tough ! Let yourself heal - stay strong ! Link to post Share on other sites
Popehappycat Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Like the others have said, you don't need to display your growth, she does. You've improved yourself, so now you're better than you were when you were with her. Don't settle! Expect and accept nothing but the best! Also, I award you 50 internets for coming to your senses and realizing it's a bad idea. High five! Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Heh, that kind of made me chuckle a little bit, I needed that. You're right it is great that I worked on myself but if she worked on herself she'd be the one contacting me. Haha...yeah you're right, the hell was I thinking. Stupid weak moments. Yeah you aren't the first one to say she isn't likeable, my one friend called her the devil. Thanks bobby! Attaboy! There are 3 billion other women out there. Link to post Share on other sites
skyle Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Don't you dare break it. I will hunt you down You're doing well so keep that going! Doing it for yourself, everyone has weak moments but the best thing to do is post it here so we can convince you not to speak to her! Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 don't do it. i can tell you from experience, it will only make you feel worse. you don't need to prove anything to her. just concentrate on yourself. having the urge to reach out to your ex is normal. we all go through it. but that doesn't mean you *have* to or *need* to. it's just your emotions trying to adapt to life without her. the urge will go away. you just have to wait it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorschach64 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 Thanks all for your support. Sometimes I have stupid/weak/ weak and stupid moments but yes that's why LS is here for me to prevent me from making an error. I am doing this for myself and not her. She should come to me, I've done all I can for the situation and I am the better person for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bobby289 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I am doing this for myself and not her. She should come to me, I've done all I can for the situation and I am the better person for it. I tell myself this every time I pick up my phone and think about texting her. Frustrating isn't it!? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorschach64 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 I think my problem has been....I haven't been telling myself exactly that! I have been just thinking about when she comes back.... I am glad I am going to see my counseler next week...been putting that off for too long. Link to post Share on other sites
TheJiltedGeneration Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Thanks all for your support. Sometimes I have stupid/weak/ weak and stupid moments but yes that's why LS is here for me to prevent me from making an error. I am doing this for myself and not her. She should come to me, I've done all I can for the situation and I am the better person for it. Dont worry man even though we know ourselves it's illogical, sometimes it hard to combat what our wayward feelings feel is "for the best". I am at the 6 month period also , and not a peep from my ex either, so from that It's save to say I know exactly how it feels.. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!. we all do that, we keep wondering if that time has been used on her side for her to realize what she has lost.. but I know for a fact that way of thinking is just to make the dumpee feel better, and to justify to themselves why they should break NC, only having to kick ourselves for reconfirming how much of a C*** they are and to just hurt ourselves over it even more... keep going forward man.. no point feeding her ego to treat you like sh** any more than she has.. Link to post Share on other sites
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