sayitasitis Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I have this amazing connection with this guy I met online. Granted, we haven't met so the connection could all be crushed in real life. He's still married even though the marriage, as he claims, hasn't worked for a long time. They're together for the benefit of his 3 kids. I enjoy my virtual time with him. But I'm torn between my morality and seeing him as a friend I can connect with on many levels. And I don't want to get so attached I hate myself. Should I stop helping him cheat on his wife mentally? Should I stop giving him the benefit of having me (even virtually)? Should I back out of a meeting now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sayitasitis Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 I feel really dumb now. I'll probably just go and "break up." Suddenly I am having cold feet. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 amazing connection I'm amazed that you have an amazing connection with a married man with 3 kids that you only speak to on the internet. What could you possibly have in common? Aaaand, how do you know anything he is saying is at all true in any way? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sayitasitis Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 It sounds true. Now I sound dumb. I can't really explain what went on though I understand the virtual factor. I guess the best thing now to do is to "end" it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I feel really dumb now. I'll probably just go and "break up." Suddenly I am having cold feet. You have no way of verifying if what he is telling you is true. . I mean, do you have his number? have you talked on the phone? Seen pictures of him? Chances are really REALLY slim that he is telling you the truth. He IS very married and has children.. Fact! Don't meet him. It's just not worth it. Focus on men you can see/touch and go meet who are available and CAN date, not pretend and offer themselves up when they are taken men. Don't feel stupid, just learn from this. You only know what he's told you, and it's online. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sayitasitis Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 I have talked to him on the phone and I have seen his photos. But I know what you mean. Link to post Share on other sites
whiterose15 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 GET OUT NOW!!! You still on time... It will get harder if you wait. Sorry to tell you, but it doesn't matter whether his marriage is on the bad side. You are helping him in making it worse for you and himself... Don't get in the mouth of the wolf... it bites and you will end up bleeding. He's sounds like he's lying--- when things go bad many men look for an escape thinking it will help, excuses to not confront the problem, guilt, or any emotional issue, since emotions are not man's best trait. Women deal with it much better... usually. When they really want to get out of a relationship, they will do it, whether there are kids or not. Many say they are separated so women speak to them. Quite a few men have told me this. My honest opinion... cut all communication with him and try to find someone available. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I have talked to him on the phone and I have seen his photos. But I know what you mean. You saw his photos. Do you know it was him in the photo or did you have a photo phone? Come on. An unemployed freeloader with three children who is separated but living with his wife. Can you guess why he is really living with his wife? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sayitasitis Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 He's not unemployed. It's the marriage that didn't work. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 He's not unemployed. It's the marriage that didn't work. I apologize. Wine and reading don't mix. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 The best advice I can give you is to spend a few days reading threads in this forum and the infidelity forum. There is an epidemic of men using the "I'm staying for the kids" line or "my wife just doesn't understand me".........etc. when they're chatting up , or pursuing an outside interest. It really does seem like a script , when you see how many parallels there are in the different stories. And it's a recipe for heartbreak. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 He's not unemployed. It's the marriage that didn't work. Well, that's what he told you. He could possibly be unemployed and just chatting it up with you while his wife is working. He might spend his whole day or evening chatting it up with you...and maybe with other women on the internet, too. You really don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 (edited) op i would ask you this... would you get involved with a guy who you knew was married? if your answer is "no", then perhaps yoy should re-evaluate your choice with this guy.\There is a very good chance he is lying to you and that he really is in a marriage and not "separated". BTW- what does "separated" men to him anyway? it seems to mean different things to different people. does his wife know about this separation? ( i really think that if spouses and affair parters ever got together to compare notes about the stories wayward spouses tell to rationalize their behavior, there'd be one heck of a lot of wayward spouses with some very sore butts and a lot of betrayed spouses/affair partners with some very sore feet ) what does your logical mind tell you you should do? think about it, and then do it. best of luck to you:) Edited November 5, 2011 by frozensprouts Link to post Share on other sites
Author sayitasitis Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 You guys are right. This whole thing is lame. Frozensprouts, he told me he's still married but has mentally checked out. He's probably lying. Or he's not. Doesn't matter. If I can muster it, he can be a friend. Though I know I would get a lot of flak for saying that. Nah, this one has to go. Somehow or another. I think. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I have this amazing connection with this guy I met online. Granted, we haven't met so the connection could all be crushed in real life. He's still married even though the marriage, as he claims, hasn't worked for a long time. They're together for the benefit of his 3 kids. It's possible, but unlikely, that he IS telling the truth. So I would ask his W. Call his home phone and ask her. IF what he says is true, she will understand how the situation looks to someone on the outside and gladly validate that they are "staying together for the kids". No one would be upset at that request. I enjoy my virtual time with him. But I'm torn between my morality and seeing him as a friend I can connect with on many levels. And I don't want to get so attached I hate myself. You wouldn't feel like this if you believed him. Should I stop helping him cheat on his wife mentally? Should I stop giving him the benefit of having me (even virtually)? Up to you. If you want to be the OW, provided he is lying, then go ahead. However, imo, most OW/OM regret their choice to move forward with an A. Should I back out of a meeting now? If you wish. But I would make it a public place, never be alone and make sure YOUR friends and family know where and with whom you are meeting and when you are expected back. I would make sure he left first (to prevent him from getting your license plates and vehicle info) and not divulge any way to contact you offline. 3 months is not long enough to truly know someone and you don't TRULY know what he looks like, how he acts and so on. And you are already suspicious of him, his actions and motives. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Quote: Should I back out of a meeting now? If you wish. But I would make it a public place, never be alone and make sure YOUR friends and family know where and with whom you are meeting and when you are expected back. I would make sure he left first (to prevent him from getting your license plates and vehicle info) and not divulge any way to contact you offline. 3 months is not long enough to truly know someone and you don't TRULY know what he looks like, how he acts and so on. And you are already suspicious of him, his actions and motives. If you feel you must meet him to resolve this and move forward, I cosign this advice. Strong boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I have this amazing connection with this guy I met online. Granted, we haven't met so the connection could all be crushed in real life. He's still married even though the marriage, as he claims, hasn't worked for a long time. They're together for the benefit of his 3 kids. I enjoy my virtual time with him. But I'm torn between my morality and seeing him as a friend I can connect with on many levels. And I don't want to get so attached I hate myself. Should I stop helping him cheat on his wife mentally? Should I stop giving him the benefit of having me (even virtually)? Should I back out of a meeting now? Yes.... You obviously seem conflicted and your own intuition is telling you to do so...so I'd heed that warning. In my experience, these types of "complicated" situations never seem to be worth it! People speak of this amazing connection and make it seem like a once in a lifetime opportunity they HAVE to pursue at all cost...when in reality, most times it is not and it becomes a once in a lifetime opportunity for drama. For me personally, I have no interest in investing myself into a situation that already has blatant red flags from the beginning. If he is my "once in a lifetime love"...I strongly believe the universe won't punish me for taking a step back until he sorts himself out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sayitasitis Posted November 6, 2011 Author Share Posted November 6, 2011 It's possible, but unlikely, that he IS telling the truth. So I would ask his W. Call his home phone and ask her. IF what he says is true, she will understand how the situation looks to someone on the outside and gladly validate that they are "staying together for the kids". No one would be upset at that request. You wouldn't feel like this if you believed him. This is a good idea. It's not so much that I don't believe him but I'm suspicious in general. Yes.... You obviously seem conflicted and your own intuition is telling you to do so...so I'd heed that warning. In my experience, these types of "complicated" situations never seem to be worth it! People speak of this amazing connection and make it seem like a once in a lifetime opportunity they HAVE to pursue at all cost...when in reality, most times it is not and it becomes a once in a lifetime opportunity for drama. For me personally, I have no interest in investing myself into a situation that already has blatant red flags from the beginning. If he is my "once in a lifetime love"...I strongly believe the universe won't punish me for taking a step back until he sorts himself out. I'm conscious of the potential drama. And everyone else's normal relationships that I won't have if with this guy. If I decide to go for it, I'll tell my family and friends about it. They may not accept it but as some friends said, I'm old enough to make a decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Barrsitter Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Sayitasitis asked: Should I stop helping him cheat on his wife mentally? Should I stop giving him the benefit of having me (even virtually)? Should I back out of a meeting now? Answers: Yes Yes Yes Go find a real man with integrity and leave this online flirt alone. Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 If you read all the OP's posts, not just this thread it's clear that she ALREADY knows it's an affair and heck he didn't even tell her he was really separated, some bs about in his head he was. So the OP clearly knows she is in an affair. Me thinks she is looking for validation that it's ok. She didn't get it in her other thread so she thought she would try it here in the ow section. It's your choice but at least own it. i read that other thread too...she is already in an emotional affiar with this guy I and i'm pretty sure i read that it's more than just "friendly banter" going on in these online chats/texts/etc. it even sounds as if he was honest with her... there was no "separation", just in his head. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts