Finally ended it

[DCMNW]

Hi All,

 

It's been a while since I've been here and I have been on quite the rollercoaster (as have most of us in these situations). Brief summary- had a short physical affair with MM which stopped and then became an EA. He realized he wasn't ready to end his marriage but still wanted to be "friends". We did okay being friends for a while but it eventually escalated into something much more emotional. So there we were, now in a full blown EA. I began to once again want more and he couldn't give it. He tells me he's miserable in his marriage but he can't leave because of the kids. He says it hurts him to see me every day and that he wants to be with me but can't. I would cry saying how hard it is being friends with someone you want to be with so bad, knowing they go home to their W every night. I started to realize that he won't ever do what he needs to do to be with me but he also doesn't want to lose me.

 

Anyways, we have had a lot of issues lately but I had the wake up call I needed to finally end it. I ended up seeing a picture of him and the W happy as can be, sitting on his desk right in front of his face so he can see it all day long. It finally just clicked for me. I told him I can't do this anymore and that allowing me to see those pictures is a total slap in the face to me. I said I have too much respect for myself to allow myself to stay in this situation, and told him to respect my decision and let me go.

 

Strangely, I feel extremely empowered right now for finally standing up for myself, but I know it hasn't hit me yet and I am bound to collapse emotionally in the coming days of being in NC. Its amazing how us OW allow ourselves to become so dependent on these MM for attention. I used to be miss independent and I completely lost who I was as a person by being these situation, which I allowed myself to get involved in. All I can hope is that I learn from this and become a better person because of it.

 

Thanks for listening, I just needed to write out my feelings. This forum is a great resource for those of us in pain.

[Barrsitter]

Any time you feel like caving in and contacting this guy, remember that picture on his desk.

 

Get busy having a great life...soon you won't even remember his last name.

 

Consider yourself fortunate that you made a clean get-away.

[lynne76]

DCMNW -- the photos were what also forced me to end it. My xMM is very much in the public eye, to an extreme degree, and I just couldn't take seeing him in photos with his wife anymore, or talking about his wife in interviews. It has just been too painful. I also hated seeing photos of her and either comparing myself to her (wishing I was her, wishing I looked more like her, etc) or seeing her face, a face that is so clueless to what has been going on, or reading things she says about her husband and how much she loves him, and hating how he was duping her and just basically hating knowing details of their life together, witnessing their life and love together.