IfiKnewThen Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 i think he is making you wait now because i do think the 3 day wait made him feel the loss of control on his end. i am just wondering if maybe he knows he messed some (but not quite enough)..and he may feel that since not hearing from you in the 3 days....that he may be thinking if you do get back...or date...maybe he wont live it down how he messed up. sometimes guys think this way. so maybe hes making you wait now, to try to empower himself again. its all so sad. but he should understand why you didn't "jump on it". he was afterall the dumper... and to that end..he should see why you wouldnt trust him as much. but he hates trust issues. thats why hes probably afraid he wont live it down. to him a 3 day wait MAY have made him feel not quite forgiven so easily. but in truth you are accepting his offer. now, i dont want to say you should do this or that, because there are no real right and wrongs sometimes in these situations. but i personally wouldnt have given him the power to say call when you want to have coffee. because he can hold on to that like a free pass and call anytime. there are so specifics. it might have been more practical to say . ok i accept, when and what day do you have in mind? lets see if we can match that up. call me within a day so i can plan. but it might be too open ended now. and as hes getting up more courage...or perhaps thinking twice....hes still empowered. but you sounded sweet and willing and make light of the date...coffee..which is cool. you did no wrong. but it causes too much anxiety to not pin point. it helps to pinpoint without being demanding. but to let him know you have a life too. (without offending or threatening his position) Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 ps. you might want to strike while the irons hot and say.. when and what day do you have in mind? lets see if we can match that up. call me within a day so i can plan. then if he doesnt call he messing with your head or too messed up in the head for any healing to occur in your relationship. i dont know about the girl he friended. these situations always suck. what do you think you should do? get to a clam place ...in a quiet place. lay down even and what comes to mind? but dont wait too long. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LSgirl Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 hey! Thanks for always responding He did respond (after 10 hours, what torture lol) and he e-mailed back "Alright, sounds great. I got to BBQ today so maybe tomorrow after work" So it looks like he's still interested. Now, I still have to hold the power somehow. I want to be able to end the phone call and end the date so it looks like I'm busy haha. I got to make myself more attractive by showing him I'm in a good place (and I have gotten some confidence back after hanging out with friends during the breakup) Hopefully we will meet up tonight for coffee (no alcohol for once lol) and see what he has to say. If he doens't even bring up the relationship, that's okay. These things can work slow, and patience is key! I will update again soon, thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 haha yes!!! good going there. and good luck. yes, patience. you have the right mindset there. dont get into anything with with him now. smile. be radiant and confident and talk about him..etc. and dont be pushy or insecure sounding. you know what to do they count on you being like they think you are. show him different. once you can trust each other again, maybe it will re -blossom. best of luck to you . hugs Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 LSgirl.. I'm glad to hear that he's coming around. I really suggest though you not forget why this happened. It will be really hard for you not to melt when you see him and be back to square one emotionally. Protect yourself. He sounds like he is coming to meet you half way, which is good.... but don't hand over your heart to him before he gives you what you have been needing all this time. Even getting back together is not going to solve anything if he is still unable to commit emotionally. Going on dates and taking it slow is one thing, but he knows you, and going backwards to just "dating" is hard when you have history because the natural progression isn't there. He threw it away once... don't make it easy for him to do it again. He should say that "mush". You need to hear it. He owes you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LSgirl Posted November 15, 2011 Author Share Posted November 15, 2011 yesterday in the e-mail it said "maybe tomorrow after work" (which is today) it's 7pm now and if he hasn't called by now to meet up then I don't think he will. He gets off of work at 4:30pm. I feel so stupid waiting by the phone. I know it was just a "maybe" but I would think he'd be a bit more eager to see me or at least text saying we should meet another date. I feel like a dummy. Or is 7pm not that late? I would think he'd plan ahead a bit in advance, ugh... Link to post Share on other sites
ChelseaLS Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 I personally don't think it's that late... but caffeine doesn't affect me. So may it IS late for coffee? It did sound like good intensions, plus he only said "maybe after work". Don't read too much into it.. take his words at face value.. "maybe". I'd pretend I was out or busy though when he calls.. not too busy as in to not meet for coffee... more like "oh yeah just give me 1/2hr I have to finish up here"... kind of like that. Good luck! And if doesn't call tonight remember the maybe... and don't fret. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 (edited) ChelseaLS makes sense (imo). go out do things dont let it get to you. but your guts is right too that when a guy really wants us they swing the sword for us going after what they want and to get it. but sometimes they can be reserved for different reasons ..so it's not all cut and dry. but mostly they do swing the sword fighting for u. all i can honestly say is next time dont leave it so much in his hands and open ended. because in this text or whatever ..he already asked you for a date. you didnt have to further leave it in his hands when to call and that you were willing. it should be i am willing....but what will you do? where is this gushy or mushy stuff? what was on your mind and in your heart in that letter. or sure lets gt together...and plan a mutual time and day thats good for us both. but hindsight. we all do it. but you haven't lost any ground here. maybe this day wasn't a good day for him. but i agree with you that he could have at least said....look tonight isnt looking tooo good. how about this or that night? is he used to you waiting in the wings? i am just trying to understand his habits. anyway hang in there in the meantime and stay cool. try not to let tension mount. its still too soon for that overall. Edited November 15, 2011 by IfiKnewThen Link to post Share on other sites
Author LSgirl Posted November 15, 2011 Author Share Posted November 15, 2011 Thank you guys for replying. I guess I just thought if he felt so "mushy" before to let his feelings out (even though I took 3 days to respond to that e-mail) that he'd still be excited to see me. I have no idea what he's thinking. I'm so paranoid that I'm thinking he met somebody at yesterday's BBQ. I need to not make it a big deal. Sometimes he does work late, but usually not this late. I was expecting him to show up and bring flowers since it was a "date", girl I was wrong lol. It's 7:30pm, I sort of gave up on the idea he'd call. Maybe he'll call tomorrow, and I have a feeling I'll be waiting around again. Sigh... Link to post Share on other sites
ChelseaLS Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 I wouldn't be surprised he is nervous too. Keep in mind we are all here giving advice to you to wait and play it cool...who's to say he's not receiving the same advice? Try not to think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LSgirl Posted November 15, 2011 Author Share Posted November 15, 2011 disregard im on the phone with him now Link to post Share on other sites
ChelseaLS Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 Excellent Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 .... so...... what did he say? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LSgirl Posted November 15, 2011 Author Share Posted November 15, 2011 He called past 8pm and we talked around 20min about everyday things. He asked if i still wanted that coffee and we both agreed is was getting late and he offered tomorrow. He said he just needs to get his bracket on his motorcycle checked out really quick and that he will call me. We didnt talk about anything else and im worried that hes just going to dance around this relationship issue. It could just lead to more 'dates' that never turn into anything. Ill see how it goes tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
ChelseaLS Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 He called past 8pm and we talked around 20min about everyday things. He asked if i still wanted that coffee and we both agreed is was getting late and he offered tomorrow. He said he just needs to get his bracket on his motorcycle checked out really quick and that he will call me. We didnt talk about anything else and im worried that hes just going to dance around this relationship issue. It could just lead to more 'dates' that never turn into anything. Ill see how it goes tonight. This is your first date since the split so be patient when it comes to the relationship issue. You need to take this slow. See how coffee goes first. Its all going to strange and new. Don't push the relationship part of it, as it may just push him away. Slow. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 again such good advise from ChelseaLS (methinks ) and you have such good insight too LS girl. i get how you feel that you do not want him dancing around . but from this disadvantage point at the moment, its best to take it slow. go on the one date...and make him wish for more : ) i know you hate to play these games....but you have to do the attractive factor now and show him what he is missing : ) be confident Link to post Share on other sites
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