being cheated on my girlfriend

[praslin]

Hi everyone

my girlfriend i am with for 3 years cheated on me by sleeping with her ex which is her first boyfriend in her life and he was the guy who took her virginity before. But she told me her ex had cheated on her before.this happened 2 years ago and i forgave her because she is my first girlfriend and its hard to leave her as people know first loves are hard to forget. She is very pretty indian looking everything that i wanted and nice body. She is sweet and gentle and kind, but i dont know if still water runs deep like people say. she told me it was never in her mind to do this to me it just happened as if something controlled her to do it and because of feelings for him when she went to talk with her ex at his house. Now i am studying abroad and 3 months ago she told me she still loves her ex and she is leaving me and she says she does not love me but she loves her ex i begged her to stay with me and i cried so much and i said goodbye to her for good.But 2 hours she miss called me and i called her back and she says she is staying with me because when she was talking with her ex she did not feel anything for him and she did not know why she thought she still love him but deep down she loves me not him. Now she had problems with my parents because my parents says she is a liar and might have other guys but she says its not true. Now she says our realtionship is not the same she loves me but not like i love her. She says of long distance realationship is also making this problem and she is confused and she said she met a friend whos a guy and she says his a good friend but she says his only a friend. I dont know if she likes the guy or i am being paranoid and jealous. She says she thinking if we should stay or not. Some one please give me advise? Its hard to breakup with her because she my first girlfriend and being with her 3 years and i cannot let her go. SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME ADVISE ON WHAT TO DO

Edited November 5, 2011 by praslin

[Professor X]

Hi everyone

my girlfriend i am with for 3 years cheated on me by sleeping with her ex which is her first boyfriend in her life and he was the guy who took her virginity before. But she told me her ex had cheated on her before.this happened 2 years ago and i forgave her because she is my first girlfriend and its hard to leave her as people know first loves are hard to forget. She is very pretty indian looking everything that i wanted and nice body. She is sweet and gentle and kind, but i dont know if still water runs deep like people say. she told me it was never in her mind to do this to me it just happened as if something controlled her to do it and because of feelings for him when she went to talk with her ex at his house. Now i am studying abroad and 3 months ago she told me she still loves her ex and she is leaving me and she says she does not love me but she loves her ex i begged her to stay with me and i cried so much and i said goodbye to her for good.But 2 hours she miss called me and i called her back and she says she is staying with me because when she was talking with her ex she did not feel anything for him and she did not know why she thought she still love him but deep down she loves me not him. Now she had problems with my parents because my parents says she is a liar and might have other guys but she says its not true. Now she says our realtionship is not the same she loves me but not like i love her. She says of long distance realationship is also making this problem and she is confused and she said she met a friend whos a guy and she says his a good friend but she says his only a friend. I dont know if she likes the guy or i am being paranoid and jealous. She says she thinking if we should stay or not. Some one please give me advise? Its hard to breakup with her because she my first girlfriend and being with her 3 years and i cannot let her go. SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME ADVISE ON WHAT TO DO

 

You know what you have to do son. You have got to let her go.

Your parents are right, it does sound like she's lying and just in a phase where she isn't sure about you anymore in the sense that there's someone else out there.

 

If you think anyone here can change the way she feels/acts, than you are wrong, all we can do is tell you what we think you should be doing and in this case it's to leave her.

 

Ask yourself, do you REALLY want to be with a girl who cheated on you, tells you she still loves her ex' AND isn't sure about the two of you anymore? Do you really wanna be with someone who doesn't want you as much as you want her?

 

Tell her goodbye and never contact her after that. It will hurt, a lot, for months, but you will recover and become stronger than before, as we all did.

[praslin]

Thank you very much for your reply. I think your advise is true but i feel so attached to her and its so difficult to breakup with her because shes my first girlfriend. i have so many memories with her. I think i am blinded by love and i dont see her bad side. I would have not known if she cheated on me because that day we went for a hike and i was with her bag and her phone rang and i asked her who it was and she said its her friend whos a girl but i could she on on face and eyes she was scared and i carried on asking who it is and she said its her friend and she got angry at me. when i reached home i checked the number and i checked her contact and i saw the same number but is just said X and i realise it could be her ex but is she so stupid to keep her ex's number on her phone. I know she had feelings for her ex and a girl never forgets her first love. But is that a reason for her to cheat on me even after 2 years we together? I forgave her because its her first boyfriend and i think that she will not cheat on me again with a stranger. Do you think she has cheated on me 1 year after i forgave her? but she says she has no feeling with her ex, when they met they just went for a ride in the car but i dont know if she slept with him but she told me nothing happen, they only talked in the car. But if shes telling the truth she did not sleep with him again woulds she sleep with a stranger?

[praslin]

Right now i am studying abroad and she was staying at my parents place. But she recently moved out to her mums place and some guy who she says is a good friend she just met came to help her but my brother was there and saw that the guy did not come out of the car. My brother thinks his hiding and does not want to show his face But my girlfriend told me said his just a friend and i know my mum normal chooses which girls because she says girls from my country are bad and have many boyfriends. i know my girlfriend's ex had many women and gave her problems and use to trick her but is this a reason to still forgive my girlfriend because i always think she a good person its just her ex maybe forced her into doing it. when she chat to me on messenger she told me she met someone and then saying about her feelings for me are not the same and i started to get angry and saying bad words to her but she said she was meaning she met a good friend.Was she meaning she me another guy or she is telling the truth and sayins she met a friend? I know the guy knows i am abroad and he is single, but my girlfriend says he is not trying to get her he is just being a good friend I do get paranoid, jealous and possesive at times and i feel guilty also because always think my jealousy has caused her to cheat on me before with her ex. I am a good guy and i have never cheated on her and i never had the intention of cheating on her. She tells me i have given her all the love a women deserves and she knows i love her to death but she says because of long distance her love is not like before. but i am going to see her in may next year. She says shes thinking about it if to stay or to leave me but she does not promise any thing. I never expected for her to cheat on me before or say these things now. I always think because shes so gentle and sweet and does not smoke that she is good girl. But everyone says quiet people u dont know their true nature. I always thought because she had only 1 boyfriend before me then she is a good person and she made a mistake wen she cheated on me before and i stayed with her. But after she cheated on me i was so hurt and could not sleep at night and no one knows she cheated on me not even my parents and some how i have gone throught the phase of being hurt but my love for her returned even stronger then before because people normally say when u forgive someone the love between the 2 people becomes stronger. She always said she will stay with my alway and forever. But if she does truly love me then she will wait for me no matter what even if i am abroad studying? I will wait for her and even staying abroad i have not cheated on her. Am i being too good or being dumb.

[ashton69]

Im going to keep this short, sweet and to the point. She doesnt want you anymore. She wants someone else. Anyone else really. She is just not the type of girl you "bring home to momma." Let her go and forget about her. She doesnt respect you. Sounds impossible and it is to be honest, but it does get a whole lot easier to deal with over time. Have some self-respect and do what you have to do as a man.

[praslin]

Now after many weeks she has decided to stay wit me. She stays with her mum and stepdad and i know her stepdad is bad and everything.She goes out with her friends to discos and there are guys and girls she goes out with. Once her stepdad saw her sitting in a car in the dark near their house, but that day there was a sort of fun fair at the beach and she when there with her friends and the guy who she was talking with in the car dropped her last. But her stepdad says why didnt the guy drop her first because the other friends live father away. she told me the guy dropped them first. But its strange why does she want to be dropped last. Her stepdad saw her but she did not reply and maybe she as angry with her stepdad because they had an argument that day. He stepdad shouted at the guy and she said his only a friend. But the stepdad said why are u talking in the dark and parked int the dark. Now the stepdad thinks she is texting that guy. last week my girlfriend came home around 8pm, thats what her stepdad told me and when i asked her she said a 6pm she came home and i asked her where is her friend who is a girl she hangs aout with and she says she is not in the country. Because my girlfriend normally hangs out with that girl on fridays but why did she come home late and tell me she came at 6pm. In the past i have accused her for nothing because i was jealous and possesive of her. Now i dont know if its my jealously and possesiveness that makes me think like that. I dont mind if she texts a guy whos a friend but if that guy who was in the car is trying to get her. But she should know to backoff from him. PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE ME ADVISE ABOUT IF IT WAS WRONG FOR HER TO BE SITTING IN A CAR IN THE DARK TALKING WITH A GUY SHE SAYS ITS A FRIEND AND 3 DAYS AGO SHE LIED TO ME SAYING SHE CAME AT 6PM WHEN SHE CAME LATER AND WHEN I ASKED HER SHE SAYS I AM DOUBTING HER AND I ASKED HER WHERE SHE WENT SHE SAYS WHY SHOULD SHE TELL ME. IS SHE LYING TO ME TO AVOID MY CONTROL BECAUSE I AM POSSESIVE AND JEALOUS OR IS THERE SOMETHING SHE IS NOT TELLING ME. I KNOW I AM PARANOID AND BEING PARANOID ACAN MAKE YOU FEEL MORE JEALOUS AND CONTROLLING. HER STEPDAD SAYS SHE LIES AND I KNOW THAT HER STEPDAD IS ALWAYS ASKING QUESTIONS WHERE DID SHE GO, WHO SHE IS TEXTING. I WOULD FEEL CONTROLLED ALSO IF I WAS HER. I KNOW HER STEPDAD IS BAD SOMETIMES AND HE IS OLD AND WAS IN THE MILITARY BUT IS HE RIGHT ABOUT HER LYING BECAUSE I KNOW IN THE PAST THE STEPDAD HAS BEEN MEAN TO HER AND HE CAN BE SICK MINDED SOMETIMES. BUT RIGHT NOW I AM CONFUSED NOW ABOUT IF THE STEPDAD IS TELLING THE TRUTH OR IF HE IS BEING TOO CONTROLLING OF HER

[Untouchable_Fire]

She is a liar and trash. You know this. Stop wasting your time on her or you will really regret it someday.

 

Just leave this trashy girl to her own devices. Let her lie to someone else. You need to stand up and tell her right to her face that she is a lair and trash, that you can easily find better... and make sure she knows you are done with her.

 

Her stepdad is not too controlling IMHO... she has a massive problem with being sleezy. Girls like this are the bottom of society and should stay there.

[praslin]

Thanks guys for the advice. I dumped her. Her stepdad found out she was with this other guy and i know that guy. I showed her the picture of the guy and she confess it the guy who dropped her home and shes with him

[Professor X]

I'm sorry man, I know how hard it is for you, but cheer up, we all (or rather, most of us) have been there and got past it. And so shall you.

 

Just try not to contact her anymore, don't watch her pictures, don't follow her on facebook (if you got), etc etc.. just erase her, get yourself busy with whatever (for me tv and lots of pc games did the trick) and in no time you'll feel much better with yourself.

[Space Ritual]

I'm sorry man, I know how hard it is for you, but cheer up, we all (or rather, most of us) have been there and got past it. And so shall you.

 

Just try not to contact her anymore, don't watch her pictures, don't follow her on facebook (if you got), etc etc.. just erase her, get yourself busy with whatever (for me tv and lots of pc games did the trick) and in no time you'll feel much better with yourself.

 

^^^^^^^ This is all you need to know, OP

[nofool4u]

Listen to your parents. Get rid of her.

[Chi townD]

Yep, losing your first love is the toughest one to lose. But, with your first love comes your first loss. Just as intense as the love you felt when all of this began is equal to the amount of grief you feel when it ends.

 

Here's the deal. It sounds like this girl doesn't know what she wants. I can pretty much guarantee you that this isn't the last time you'll hear from her. Now, here's the hard part...ignore her. If she contacts you, DON'T RESPOND!!!! Post here instead. People will be here to walk you through the hard times.