She's trying to buy another house without me knowing JUST so she can separate?

[Josieburn]

If you want to read about the actual situation, here is the thread

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=38668

 

But this question is more about what she has planned and if it's possible - and no one may know the answer.

 

I've been able to figure out that she's trying to buy and old rundown house that's really cheap so that she can move her and our 2 girls there while were separated (she claims to this person I found out from that she for sure just wants the separation for now - maybe just long enough to get on her feet financially).

 

Now she's wanting to split all the money - but we literally have none. Since she's been in school we've depleted all our savings and are living paycheck to paycheck. So what that means is that I really have no way of keeping our current house and stuff paid for and then she wants to go out and buy a house for her.

 

Can she even do that on her own? The house isn't much - $15,000-$20,000 depending on what the end up selling it for, but it's run down and I don't want my kids living there when there is a perfectly great house right here that I won't be able to afford. She wants to pay for her stuff and my to pay for mine.

 

Would a bank lend her the money without me signing? I'm mean her credit is obviously better than mine, but she had horrible credit in the past and her name is still on this house that we only got three years ago - so there's no equity in that either. And should I sign? I don't want that debt if it came to splitting things down the middle later - of course everyone knows that can be totally up in the air until it's actually done. Of course, I'm not so sure she doesn't have someone else who would cosign for her - that's always a possibility too - a very good possibility.

 

And by doing this, don't you think she's really on the road to divorce for sure, she's just not thinking she's able to do it now? I think it may be time to tell her to either be a wife again and let's work on the marriage here together or she needs to file for divorce now.

 

What should I do?

[hope&pray]

My wife was trying to buy a condo because we are seperating. My credit is a little better then hers but she makes about 20% more then me. If her name is on the mortgage of the current house and she doesn't have a job, then I believe it will be VERY tough for her to get a loan. I don't think you can mortgage that low of an amount so it would probably have to be an unsecured personal loan. Does she have a job???

What my wife and I would of had to do to get her name of the mortgage of the house was quite a bit. We would had to get a lawyer involved, singed some papers and then I would of had to refinance the house under my name. So she is just going to get an apt.

I understand you want to keep your kids safe, but do you want your wife too???

 

Good luck!

[Josieburn]

She does have a job but it's part time - she makes about $600/month on a good month. She's out of school in two weeks but doesn't even have a prospect for a new job - well she did have one, but she refused to take it because she had a bad feeling about it. Her loss, I say because it doesn't help her situation and keeps everything a little more under my control because I basically have no control.

 

But she feels that moving her kids into a shack (which is what this one is because she can afford it) is best for them as opposed to leaving them home with me. And, yes, I refuse to leave the house. I'm the one who wants to keep the house, the marriage, and our family intact, so I'm not going to do anything to deviat from that until I'm forced to. I'm hoping a judge will see it differently. And there's no way even with a new job she'd be able to afford our house. I will barely be able to but I'll manage with some family help. And she wants to keep the kids I fully believe for selfish reasons, because she wants to look like the good parent and the one who cares. And they make her feel good. But she's crazy if she thinks it's going to be easy.

 

I just know this is the step to divorce since she doensn't care about possibly losing the house we live in now if I'm not able to swing it. And she doesnt' think about utilities downpayments, appliances that I know for sure aren't in the house, house insurance, etc., etc. She has no clue.

 

I'm hoping just a little bit that just seeing how hard it's going to be will make her at least start to reconsider things.

 

Of course, with the way my wife is acting, it does make it hard to want her to stick around. She's completely untrustworthy and says she's on-call this weekend. But I know her appt with the realtor is Sunday morning. Is she going to miss church for this too? That sucks.

 

and to hope&pray - I hope the time away helps your wife get her thoughts directed back toward you. Good luck.

[Josieburn]

Should I just do what she asks and move out? I would still have to be at the house to keep the kids on the nights she works. But this seems to be the one thing that she keeps asking for - as if, if she got that one thing then maybe, just maybe, she could recover and start feeling for me again or at least feeling like she needs me. But then again, I feel like she's trying to manipulate me to get me out of the house.

 

now one thing I know is that me leaving, instead of her leaving and scrounging for a place to live with the kids (because me keeping the kids is not an option in her eyes) would definitely be easier on the kids. Much easier.

 

So since I know this, and that she's going to try to get out, or what she wants whether I stay in the house or not, should I just go? And if I do, would it really affect a judges decision about custody? I don't think it would matter about the house since I think that we'd have to sell it anyway if we got a divorce, because neither one of us can afford it on our own. And maybe that would even be a reason for her to reconsider working things out.

 

What do you think?

[hope&pray]

I don't think the thought of you guys loosing the house, if you divorce, would be a good reason for you wife to try to be with you. If you left, where would you go? Why does your wife want to leave in the first place? That is whay you need to figure out and see if you can solve it together.

Ask her if you were to move out, what would she expect from you. Other then taking care of the kids while she works. If that is all she wants and you have a place to stay, then try it and see how she reacts without you around. Put the ball in her court and let her start conversations.

Don't know if this is much help but....

[bluechocolate]

And maybe that would even be a reason for her to reconsider working things out.

 

What do you think?

 

I know from your previous postings that you really want your marriage to work out, but you have to know that it takes two to make a marriage. Your wife keeps telling you & showing you that she wants out & you keep hoping & praying that she'll change her mind. Now she wants to buy another house & move away with the kids. I just can't see that you're going to get the outcome you're looking for here.

 

If she doesn't have a full time job & even if she gets this shack of a house it is quite possible that you could retain custody of the children. And if you keep the kids you aren't going to have to worry about child support. And I hope that you can show that you depleted your savings to help put your wife through school & make a nice home for your children.

 

I think it may be time to tell her to either be a wife again and let's work on the marriage here together or she needs to file for divorce now.

 

I think it is time to tell her that. And please go & talk to a lawyer (& print out your postings here - they could show that you had the frame of mind to work through this marriage while she did not)

 

I honestly hope things work out for you & your children.