nea clementine Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Hello, everyone I will be 13-month NC in a couple of days...needless to say I've through all kinds of emotions, as I am sure you all have been / are experiencing. These past few weeks the urge to contact him has been so great and it scares me. I maintain my prudence, weighing through, analysing, all kinds of potential results and have come up with the same conclusion over and over again: it is not worth it. I tried to understand why such urge occured and what might have triggered it, but could not come up with a satisfactory answers. I mean, really, at this time it can be anything and everything. What scares me the most is the fact that even after 13 months NC, he can still affect me to this level. I have been told constantly to just welcome the feelings (urges), don't try to suppress them etc, but I personally don't think this is the right approach...I don't know...nothing seems to be working at the moment. How you guys are handling it and still manage to keep ur sanity I have no idea...but I guess we're in this together... Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I went for a 2-hour Thai yoga massage a couple of week ago. You do it fully clothed, but there is a lot of physical contact between the therapist and the client. The sense of connection I got from that was incredible. I nearly fell asleep I felt so contented. Things like that make me realise it's not a particular person that I miss, but physical, emotional or mental connections with someone. I recommend you try similar things and consider just how you feel from that and consider how it's not someone from your past but someone in your present with whom you find a connection like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Popehappycat Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 The feelings come now and again, as you said, often for no reason. Or at least a reason you can't put your finger on. Maybe you had a bad day, and missed having your means to vent. You dont have to necessarily have to specifically think about them, but about a situation. I know when I would have a rough time, I'd start missing my ex. Not because they were a wonderful cure-all, but because she was the one I'd tell. This is just one example, as I'm sure there are hundreds of other triggers out there. If you're worried that it's abnormal, I would imagine most here, including myself, would say it is. :-D Link to post Share on other sites
Author nea clementine Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 @betterdeal: thank you for the insight, yes, I think what you're saying makes sense...I don't know of any Thai massage here but there're plenty of traditional Indonesian massages - hard core and leaving my back more painful after but one can always hope @popehappycat: yes, I agree in that the feelings do come and go. It's just that this time they seem to be more influential than ever. I was never tempted to reach out to the ex in the past, but these past weeks I am. But I won't. Link to post Share on other sites
Popehappycat Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 My phone won't let me edit, but my original reply should say I agree it ISN'T abnormal. Oops. And yeah, some times are definitely harder than others. It's all part of the process, I suppose. But good for you for staying strong! Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 @betterdeal: thank you for the insight, yes, I think what you're saying makes sense...I don't know of any Thai massage here but there're plenty of traditional Indonesian massages - hard core and leaving my back more painful after but one can always hope Maybe you can get a cuddle from someone. It depends really on how touchy feely you are, but if you are, then the sensation you're missing is probably that, not that person. We just associate that sensation with the last known place we experienced it. It's perfectly normal and it is possible to retrain your mind to accept that it's the feeling you miss, not the person. You're doing well. Keep on doing what you're doing Link to post Share on other sites
Author nea clementine Posted November 6, 2011 Author Share Posted November 6, 2011 Popehappycat: LOL! Yea I kind of figured that out thanks for the encouragement Betterdeal: thanks for the support I just wish we have one of those free hugs notoriously practised over the West (I live in Asia) but sometimes online hugs also work haha Link to post Share on other sites
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