cheats

[praslin]

I think i am blinded by her beauty and i dont realise if shes doing bad things behind my back. I know she was with her first boyfriend for 5 years which is more then me and her together and he was her first boyfriend to take her virginity but its not a reason to cheat on me. She should have broken up with me rather then cheat on me. The only way for me to forget her is to find another girlfriend but it will not happen so fast. When she cheated on me she told me its the first time she did something like this and she said it will never happen again. I told her you did not love me, but she says she loved me. I am confused. Did she really love me if she cheated on me before. She cheated on me when i was working some where else for 1 month and we contacted only by phone. She confessed she cheated on me when i found out and pursuaded her to talk and she couldnt hold it in. A few months after that happen i was still sad becasue of what she did and i told her i am not happy in life and she started crying and holding my hands and she says she did not mean to ever hurt me. Is she tellin gthe truth that she did not mean to hurt me or is she lying. I know i am jealous and we had arguments wen she talks to other guys i get jealous. So i feel that i also caused her to cheat on me. She always says i did not trust her even before she cheated on me but i told her look wat happen u cheated on me and soem how my paronoid mind was right in a way but i forgave her. People say shes young and does not know the meaning of life thats why she cannot wait for me while i study abroad and she says shes depressed i am not there. But thats not a reason to break up with me. I am also depressed and sad but i still love her. I will feel guilty if i breakup and shes not in my life anymoe. I am her second boyfriend so is it easier for her to leave me and forget about me then me is to forget about her? She is my first true love so will it be harder? PLEASE GIVE ME ADVISE PROFESSOR X