Therese Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Hi everyone. I am interested to get you all's input on this topic. So I've been married for five years and throughout that time, there have been the usual and the not so usual ups and downs. We have, for the most part, navigated our way through those seasons, however, I know that there are residual emotions and feelings about those times that definitely affect our communication patterns today. My husband is the non-commuicative type, whereas I am the one who comes to the bargaining table, even if I believe I have done nothing wrong. This kind of brings us to my point. I am basically tired of being the one to make amends even when I am not to fault. I am tired of being 'the mature one'. I am tired of being the one to do, what I feel is all of the work around the house, with the kids, etc. etc., and never having any time for myself to relax. Then when I do make mention of needing time away, there's always questions and screw-faces, which hurts and makes me angry because whenever he wants to do something, I am very supportive, even if I don't believe in what he's doing 100%. So I am tired of being taken for granted. Last night we had an argument about the fact that I am tired of him always being home alone with the kids while he goes out and does his thing. I am sick of it, and quite honestly, sick of him! How do I teach this guy a lesson? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 This article might be of interest on teaching a person how you want to be treated. It requires changing the way you interact with him. http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/25/fashion/25love.html?pagewanted=all Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 It's not about finding keys. It's about positive reinforcement for when your partner does something you want him to do, and no negative reinforcement for stuff that makes you crazy. It's a different approach rather than nagging or yelling or, what you suggest, walking out and finding someone else (who will most likely come with their own set of issues and frustrations). No one is a perfect clone of you, and no one will always behave the way you want. You have to accept that people are individuals and change your own perspective and actions to accommodate. Why nag when you can kiss? Link to post Share on other sites
westrock Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 It's not about finding keys. It's about positive reinforcement for when your partner does something you want him to do, and no negative reinforcement for stuff that makes you crazy. It's a different approach rather than nagging or yelling or, what you suggest, walking out and finding someone else (who will most likely come with their own set of issues and frustrations). No one is a perfect clone of you, and no one will always behave the way you want. You have to accept that people are individuals and change your own perspective and actions to accommodate. Why nag when you can kiss? Totally agree. That article is for entertainment and not to be taken seriously, if u don't help find the keys someone else will The suggestions in that article are probably a lot better than what the OP is doing. Sometimes I wonder why people who struggle with these types of issues often reject suggestions put forward. If not this article, there is lots of other proven relationship advice out there from professionals. If the OP is just venting and seeking some understanding and not really looking for a way to improve the marriage, then she doesn't need to read any articles. But if the OP is serious about doing something about her situation she would do wise to read up as much as she can or seek marriage counselling. Link to post Share on other sites
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