Now what?

[lonelyinhouston]

I'm in a miserable stage in my life and I'm not sure where to go from here. Here's a little background about what I've gone through:

 

I met my ex my junior year in college. She was different from the other girls I had dated because she was more of a "good girl". I thought this was good for me and honestly I thought she would be the one I marry and have kids with someday. After we graduated, we moved to Houston and continued our relationship. She was originally from Houston, so she moved in with her father, and I moved into an apartment. I feel like our whole relationship changed once we got here though. We lived together during college, yet she refused to move in with me and there was no longer any physical affection.

 

About a year ago, she started acting very strange. She was really distant and claimed she was always sleepy. I'd ask her why and she would just say that work was really stressing her out. I noticed a change in her as well. Suddenly she was using slang she had never used before and she started listening to music she once hated. I thought nothing of it for a couple of months until one day I woke up with a strange feeling that told me to check her phone records. I honestly was not expecting to find anything, but I did. She was having late night conversations with someone every day. These phone calls would start around midnight and last for about 5 hours. Keep in mind that she always told me she hated talking on the phone. You can imagine what was going through my mind at this point.

 

I called the number and got a guy's voicemail. I probably did the wrong thing here, but I couldn't control myself. I called her and asked her if she was cheating on me. I told her I knew about the late night phone calls. She got furious and said it was just her female friend from work. This is when she broke up with me. My heart sunk at this point. We had our fights here and there, but never had we broken up. I tried calling her constantly after this, but she never answered any of my calls. I know I shouldn't have done this, but I did. This went on for about 2 months. I just couldn't believe that she would break off a 3 and a half year relationship like that and never want anything to do with me again. I'm still not sure whether she cheated on me or not. Her story sounded fishy to me, but I had decided that if anything happened between us, I would just forget about it because this girl was the one.

 

I finally stopped calling her and just tried to get my mind off of her. I went no contact and got rid of everything that reminded me of her. I started focusing on myself. I had gotten really out of shape in the last few years, so I started working out. I made really great progress, too. I lost 50 lbs and I'm now in better shape than I was when I was in college. Working out really seemed to get my mind off of her for a while. I bought new clothes and I really started to feel good about myself.

 

In the meantime, she too, lost a lot of weight and went back to school. For a while I followed her on facebook. It looked like she had made new friends and she was having the time of her life. This really hurt. I suspected she may have been dating someone already, but I wasn't sure. Eventually I got up the nerve to un-friend her on facebook. About 6 months ago, she contacted me by email and said it would be ok if we had coffee together. She made it very clear that it would just be as friends. To me, I felt like she just wanted to show me how great her life was now without me. I said no, and that was the last time I had any contact with her.

 

One big mistake I made when I was with her is that I lost contact with all my friends from college. She was my best friend and I didn't really feel a need to have anyone else in my life. Now I'm in this city and I don't know anyone. I'm absolutely miserable. The highlight of each day for me is when I go out to eat fast food or I walk around at the mall. I don't know how to meet new people at my age. (26) It was easy in college. Now it seems like everyone has their group of friends already. I'm not even looking to me a girl at this point, just a friend. At this point my best friend seems to be my mom with lives 4 hours away (I know, pathetic). I've tried going to restaurants and bars, but I find myself just feeling more depressed or like the "creepy guy" that's there alone. All the people I work with are like 20 years or more older than me. On top of that, I work from home 3 days a week, so that's even more time I spend alone in my apartment.

 

Over the last month, I found that she created a twitter account. It's been hard not to look at it, so of course I've been reading it and I've confirmed that she is indeed in a relationship. I've never been more depressed.

 

Now what? I don't know what to do anymore.

Edited November 6, 2011 by lonelyinhouston

[sunflower11]

Wow..break up with you out of the blue? Seems to me like she was looking for a reason to end it and she thought by you violating her privacy was good enough. I am so sorry I just moved from Houston..was there for 4 months and would have loved to have known someone cause I was alone there too:(

 

I think in the end you are so much better off without her, now it is about you and what you want in life. Don't know how hard it is for you to move someplace else or maybe spend some time with your family? It has helped me a lot being back home and dealing with this break up

[Popehappycat]

Why doesn't she talk to her "female friend from work" when she's at work? It's bull****, you caught her in it and in typical cheater fashion (emotional or physical), they blew up at you and bailed. You shouldn't regret calling that number because otherwise she would have continued making you a sucker. Cut ties and get off social media if you want to stand a chance at healing.

 

As far as the being in a new place thing, I hear you. It's rough without the added stress of a breakup. Maybe try volunteering somewhere. You can meet like minded people and feel better about yourself for giving in the process. Stay strong, you deserve better.

[wilsonx]

Look, dont ever apologize for invading someones privacy or making excuses for it. If you think somethings wrong, always trust your gut and investigate. You caught her, she broke up with you. Thats it. Of course shes not going to tell you the truth. It sucks and it hurts trust me

[Frank13]

 

About a year ago, she started acting very strange. She was really distant and claimed she was always sleepy. I'd ask her why and she would just say that work was really stressing her out. I noticed a change in her as well. Suddenly she was using slang she had never used before and she started listening to music she once hated.

 

I called the number and got a guy's voicemail. I probably did the wrong thing here, but I couldn't control myself. I called her and asked her if she was cheating on me. I told her I knew about the late night phone calls. She got furious and said it was just her female friend from work.

 

This is when she broke up with me.

 

How could you not see there was another guy? She is using slang that she used from him and listening to music he likes to remind her of him.

 

Of course the most obvious is the "got a guy's voicemail". Who works with a same sex person and then talks for them for 5 hours a night?

 

She had wanted to break up with you and used this as an excuse to break up with you.

[wilsonx]

Its one of those things, you just dont believe or dont want to believe. Now he knows if this happens again. It sucks and you want to deny it.

 

Been there done that learned from it wont happen again