Melancholic moment

[Kamille]

I miss him today. We're still in touch - in fact, we're taking some time to figure out if we really want to break up. We broke up because we were in a LDR. On the one hand, it makes choosing to end it seem like the only choice. On the other, it means we still love each other.

 

Today I woke up missing him. I miss how certain I used to feel about us. The joy the mere thought of him would bring, the feeling of security, of not being alone in the world. I miss being able to love someone as freely as I loved him.

 

I've been mostly doing good otherwise. I've been very busy with work and with friends. Life moves on. Most days I can just go with the flow, but tonight a part of me feels like screaming. How could we let what we had go?

[jerbear]

Only time will tell. Never know what the future holds. Might be tomorrow, never, next week, next decade or whenever.

 

I think keeping friendly contact is just keeping wounds open. Either keep moving together or get it over with. There is nothing wrong with being friends, it just makes moving forward harder.

[Kamille]

We may never know what the future holds, but in our case, the problem was that we couldn't figure out how the future would bring us to live in the same town - and that's when we were trying... So, there's very little chance the future will bring us back to each other. I think that might be why we're having such a hard time letting go.

[threebyfate]

A difficult reason to break up when it's circumstances rather than a lack of love or problematic person.

 

Wish I had words that might help beyond a ((hug)) and some sympathy.

[Kamille]

Thanks TBF.

 

I still feel melancholy today. Many factors explain why I'm emotional. One of them is that I think someone tried to ask me out. I panicked and pretended not to understand the situation. It made me realize that I'm still attached to my ex. I know it's normal not to feel ready to date. It's only been one month since the break up. Still, it shook me up. I think I've been living in denial about the break up, in a very Scarlett O'hara way: I'll think about it tomorrow, when I don't have an article to revise, papers to grade, a lecture to prepare, a class to give, research to do, a presentation to outline, etc. While it keeps me busy, all that work means I'm tired and yesterday, when that really nice guy tried to ask me out, it's like the whole façade broke down.

 

But hey, I've got lectures to prepare, papers to grade, an article to revise... And that's only what's on the agenda for today. Can't spend too much time feeling sorry for myself.

[jerbear]

I think that nice guy helped you in his own way. He might have been brushed off but he made you realize a few things. In a very Scarlett O'hara way, well you're in the wrong part of the world; maybe the southern sun may help.

 

The Winter break might help you.

 

BTW, good morning!

[Kamille]

 

The Winter break might help you.

 

BTW, good morning!

 

Good morning jerbear! We seem to be on the same schedule! that, or you never sleep.

 

I have 7 weeks to go to winter break. I fully plan on collapsing and sleeping for one week straight.

[carhill]

Glad to read you're doing mostly well. IDK on the melancholy part. I've processed through all that stuff and the zero zone can be a bit scary at times. Total absence of externally focused feelings. I call it the 'I love (zero)' zone. Hmm....

 

Anyway, good luck.

[Kamille]

Glad to read you're doing mostly well. IDK on the melancholy part. I've processed through all that stuff and the zero zone can be a bit scary at times. Total absence of externally focused feelings. I call it the 'I love (zero)' zone. Hmm....

 

Anyway, good luck.

 

I know! That's what I realized last night, after I wrote this: I miss a feeling. I miss him because he made it easy to feel love. "I love (BF)" felt wonderful.

 

"I love (zero)" feels... ok. It feels fine. It's just not as thrilling as "I love (BF)".

[betterdeal]

I know the feeling. That sense of connectedness. It's not to that particular person, but to a person, that we need to connect to feel that particular contentedness. I was reminded of this point last week when I had a two hour Thai massage. It's done full clothed and there's a lot of physical contact between the therapist and you. I nearly fell asleep and could barely stand up straight afterwards (and not because she did any damage!) It was just nice to have someone else taking care of me for that time. Made me realise it's not one person, per se.