Lost again...please read...needing help...

[TxTechGirl04]

I feel so lost again....I have had so many ups and downs since me and my ex broke up 3 weeks ago. I was starting to feel strong again when he called me on Wednesday night. The conversation began very well but I think he could sense that I was being distant. He finally said, "Well, I told you I would call you in a couple of days so I called. Did you not want me to call"? My response was, "Its okay that you called but I don't really have anything to say"...so he said, "I don't have anything to say to you either, have a good nite, bye".

 

At the time, I felt as though I had done the right thing by trying to remain distant. On several occassions when I have called him he has said things like "I don't really want to talk to you" and things of that sort...now I feel like maybe I was kind of rude to him (after all he seemed to want to talk), but it really put me out that he acted like he was doing me a favor by calling because

"he said he would"...I figured he would try and call again last night but he didn't and it kinda got to me...

 

Also, I had a dream about him last night...it was sort of a strange dream, but I woke up thinking that we had gotten back together...I feel like I was so close to him in my dream but yet I am so far away from him now...

 

Did I totally blow it when I talked to him? Since I feel like I might have come off a little rude should I call him to apologize? Should I just ignore the dream? Just need a lil' help...

[CarmenATL]

Hi TX - I couldn't help but respond to your post. I wish I had some answers for you, but can only really empathize with what you're going through. I have gone through hell getting over my break-up. My boyfriend and I lived together for a year, after dating for 2 years. We were absolutely happy, it was incredible. Were met each other in Boston while in grad school and neither of us was from the northeast - he was from California, I was from Florida. After some pressure from family and friends, I made the decision to take a chance and move to Atlanta, where my family is now. After months of discussion, both my boyfriend and I were ready to leave Boston - we thought - and he was open to the idea of Atlanta, although I knew he also wanted to return to San Francisco. We talked about marriage, we talked about our future (although I'll admit it was always in a somewhat dreamy tense), and there was never, ever an inkling of a break-up on the horizion. I moved to Atlanta in August 2003 and he remained in Boston for two more months to complete his job. Those two months were awful and I could clearly see that as the weeks passed, his calls to me were more spaced out, he was increasingly distant, and I didnt know what was going on. Finally, he had planned to come visit me for 2 weeks when he left Boston at the end of October before heading to San Francisco for an indefinite period of time - which, believe it or not, I endorsed and told him I wanted him to do what felt right to him; again, break-up didn't seem in the future. He wanted to spend time there with his family and friends, and I understood and supported that whole-heartedly. Anyway, long story short, he cancelled the trip to see me THE NIGHT BEFORE he was to arrive, and did so with an email. We didn't talk for 3 weeks until he called me and apologized. However, there has not truly been a reconcilliation and he's told me he "doesn't know what's going to happen" but still loves me, BUT tells me it wouldn't be fair to me if I didn't date others. It's been very difficult. I know that if I were to up and move to San Francisco, we'd be together - but after what's gone on, I doubt I can put that kind of trust in him again anytime soon.

SO - we've been in touch consistently for the past 7 MONTHS - and that hasn't been easy, but I'm still not strong enough to cut ties. there is always a hope in the back of my mind that he'll come around and act like himself again (or at least who he was when we were together). We'll talk and have great conversations, but it's a constant rollercoaster: is he calling just to ease his guilt and "do me a favor" or does he truly miss me. I've done well with not calling him and keeping things light on the phone and focusing on myself, etc. - but it's a constant struggle. So, I don't have an answer for you other than if you truly want to know how he's feeling about you, give it some time - DON'T CALL HIM (I'm assuming he broke up with you...) Wait and see what happens. It's harder than hell - I'll admit that - but it's the only way you'll get an accurate look at what he's feeling about you (when truthfully he probably doesn't really know at this point either!) Silence speaks the loudest in these situations.

[2ndConfusedfemale]

I don't think that you should call. If you broke up with him sure, but if not then definitely no. He has a lot of nerve acting like he's doing you a favor by calling you at his convenience. You should apologize for what? Did he apologize when you really wanted to talk to him and he said he didn't feel like talking? Honesty, what is there that you need to talk to him about? Your feelings, etc? If he did you wrong, should you have to beg him for an apology? Don't waste your time regretting not talking to him. He seems like he's just vain enough to know that you'll be calling him again (based on his have a nice night comment).

[LILUIL]

Originally posted by 2ndConfusedfemale

I don't think that you should call. If you broke up with him sure, but if not then definitely no. He has a lot of nerve acting like he's doing you a favor by calling you at his convenience. You should apologize for what? Did he apologize when you really wanted to talk to him and he said he didn't feel like talking? Honesty, what is there that you need to talk to him about? Your feelings, etc? If he did you wrong, should you have to beg him for an apology? Don't waste your time regretting not talking to him. He seems like he's just vain enough to know that you'll be calling him again (based on his have a nice night comment).

 

i agree and i vote with both hands and feet!!!!

 

OMG what a jerk. you did good. bravo!

 

you dreamt coz you were thinking bout him so much and the call was possibly the last thought on your mind before you fell asleep. it's NOT a sign from the great heavens or a prophecy yet to be fulfilled....

 

he did call you, meaning once in a while probably he's still thinking bout you, dont get over excited. just maintain your cool till he wants to talk nicely and in a gentlemanly manner, then cut him some slack.