Pregnat from the man I love but he wants to marry another woman

[Maz1980]

Dear interested readers, Thx very much for your attention and I (31) really do not know to whom to talk anymore....perhaps you can give me advice a bit or how you see the things?

I got pregnant six weeks ago from a man (30) who I love.

For him it was an affair, he has a girlfriend since five months.

Since three weeks he knows it and one week ago he told his family and his girlfriend. The girlfriend split up with him one week ago.

I know him since nine years, but we both were in a realtionship for 6,5 years. 13 months ago I left the country (Germany). A few days before I left he contacted me and we had a one-night-stand. Then I moved to England where I am still living. He contacted me by Sms as well as Facebook and after three or four months in England I fell in love. We had no official relationship neither did talk about this. Since 13 months I was five times in Germany. We did not meet...it did not happen. He was single and told me over facebook and Sms that he wants to have a child and a family...I never wanted to have children as I was more the carreer woman. Even over the distance and electronic contact I myself developed the idea of a child....from him the man I loved.

I travelled to Germany in May to tell him, he was still single.

He called me in Germany, but things happened that we could not meet.

I stayed longer but suddenly an ex-girlfriend on facebook appeared (not his 6,5 year-long relationship,another one)..

I contacted him, he promised to meet him as soon as his ex girlfriend will leave) - but he did not contact me. I travelled back to England and I was mentally dead.

For two months nothing happened. Then we were in contact again since August (Facebook, later Sms over mobile phone).

At the end of September we met -> result: pregnant.

Off course, I was happy because this was what I wanted.

I can remain my job (self-employed), can finance the child myself.

Since three weeks he does know it.

His reactions have been like on the Financial market till now.

Firstly, he tried me to make the baby away. Then, he wanted to go to his priest with me because we have to care together for the child (he is catholic Croatian). We had two appointments in Germany 8 and 11 days ago. No meeting happened, he cancelled everything. Since one week, he is writing SMS that he "does not love me" and "will never love me" "we will never be a pair" etc.. "He loves his girlfriend he wanted to marry her soon" and "to found a family with her" and "not with someone he does not love" etc.

I am expecting that his girlfriend will come togehther with him again (she split up one week ago after this information). She still appears in his friendlist. Two hours ago he wrote "Life is like malt honey" - she liked it....which is a sign for me that slowly by slowly she will come back to him.

 

"He wants to have something to do with the child."

But I have to stay in England for at least further 15 months.

He won't see or feel my pregnancy or the child birth or when the baby is born and grows up. He cannot bound himself to the child or get to know it.

 

Parallely I can watch live on facebook that his girlfriend will come back to him - then the two German-Croatians will marry in a few months. this hurts! I never loved a man like that.

 

-> Should I break up the contact to him in order to avoid more pain (planned marriage with her which will probably happen soon)?

-> Also, he seems to hate me aas he always writes "I do not love you" - but if show the child to him, he will see me as well. And I must see him. But the connection between us is damaged isn't it? Do you think, that contact between him and the child would make sense at all?

-> Do you see a way how I could attract him? He knows his girlfriend since three years, they broke up previously. They are together since five months again. They had trouble a few times. He is again on Kokain since two months (strange). Would it make sense at least to fight for him? If yes, how?

 

Perhaps someone has a good advice for me please? I would be very happy.....Thank you!

p.s. it could be interesting for you that I never (!!) told him that I love him....I told him that I do not love him as well...thx

Edited November 6, 2011 by Maz1980

[frozensprouts]

I'm sorry that you are pregnant and alone:(...this is probably a very difficult time for you.

 

Toi be honest, i fouind your post somewhat difficult to understand ( is english your second language?)... but what i get out of it is that you met a guy and had what amounted to an online friendship? That you were only actualy able to actually be with him a handful of times in about nine years, one of which resulted in your being pregnant?

It sounds ( if i understand you correctly, and if i don't i'm sorry) you feel in love with this guy, but he has repaeatedly told you that he doesn't love you. You also told him that you didn't love him. He's now in a relationship and will probably get married to someone else.

 

You want him to come and see the baby becusae this means he will also have to see you and maybe he'll decide to not get married and be with you instead?

 

If i understand that right ( and please correct me if I don't) why do want this guy so badly? It sounds like you've known him for a long time, and nothing has really happened to indicate he wants a long term relationship with you. Do you want him to be with you just because of your child? Is that afir to you? To him? And most of all, is it fair to your child?

 

i know it's hard to do but please lte this guy go. If you need to be in contact with him about the baby, that is one thing, but let it end there. Please get this guy out of your head and find someone else who will love you without causing you all this heartache and grief. you and your baby will be much happier and better off in the long run.

best of luck to you:)

[Maz1980]

Dear frozensprouts,

 

Thank you very much for your quick response.

You are right (English is my 2nd language) and you did understand everything right.

 

Probably you are right in letting him go.

The onlything is that I also am thinking about breaking up the contact completely. This would mean that the child would not see him.

He seems to be angry on me because his relationship is split now.

He will get back his girlfriend but he will always "hate me a bit" I guess....and I do not think that this is good for the child.

Thus, it is probably the best to break up with him as a father of this child, too.

 

The child deserves a father with positive feelings....

 

Thank you very much frozensprouts!

Have a great Sunday!

[frozensprouts]

Dear frozensprouts,

 

Thank you very much for your quick response.

You are right (English is my 2nd language) and you did understand everything right.

 

Probably you are right in letting him go.

The onlything is that I also am thinking about breaking up the contact completely. This would mean that the child would not see him.

He seems to be angry on me because his relationship is split now.

He will get back his girlfriend but he will always "hate me a bit" I guess....and I do not think that this is good for the child.

Thus, it is probably the best to break up with him as a father of this child, too.

 

The child deserves a father with positive feelings....

 

Thank you very much frozensprouts!

Have a great Sunday!

 

youi deserve someone in your life with positive feelings about you too. You'll find him, byt i don't think he's this guy.

 

you may have to be in contact with him for issues dealing with child support payments, etc., and at some point in the future, he may want to get to know his child...just don't put your life on hold waiting for that. Move on and find someone who will tteat you the way you deserve to be treated, and who will love you and your child the way you deserve to be loved.

 

you'll find him:)

[confused kitty]

Just because this man doesnt love you does not mean he wont love his child.. You cant make somebody love you and Im afraid you will just have to accept this, but to cut him out of his childs life is incredible selfish and childish of you...

 

Its not your babys fault he doesnt love you so please dont punish your baby by denying him/her the chance to know their father! I grew up without a father due to simular reasons and a huge part of me resents my mother for it - and always will..

 

If he doesnt want contact with the child, well unfortunetly thats his choice but please dont make this decision for him- I promise you your child will resent you for it one day!

 

If its too difficult to see/hear things over facebook about his girlfriend and possible marriage then delete him from there, he has your phone number he can contact you that way regarding the baby and any decisions he may come to...

 

Im sorry if I sound harsh on you but Im only thinking about your baby, as I grew up in this situation and it really isnt nice to know you could have had a father growing up only your mother was too selfish and stubourn to allow it

[phillyfan]

Dude u sound like a sweetheart, ur prince charming is out there, u jus need 2 wait 4 him

 

this dude aint good tho! Cant belive wat losers sum dudes are, 2 treat the mom of their baby like that. Belive me he aint treatin the otha girl any betta.

 

U sound like u will b a great mom too

[robf1971]

Dude u sound like a sweetheart, ur prince charming is out there, u jus need 2 wait 4 him

 

this dude aint good tho! Cant belive wat losers sum dudes are, 2 treat the mom of their baby like that. Belive me he aint treatin the otha girl any betta.

 

U sound like u will b a great mom too

 

In my opinion men who treat their pregnant girlfriends like this should be slung in prison. You need to concentrate on your kid and be a great parent.