feeling a bit miserable

[reimeivn]

i am half a year out and i feel fine for the most parts. sometimes though, the memories creep in and made me feel like ****. i am going to be honest here, i still do like the guy.

 

i dont want to be back with him, or even see him, because he did not treat me right, and because he doesnt love me, even though he might have liked me a lot in the beginning. Staying with him means hurt, so I am fine with being like this.

 

Sometimes I miss the guy though. Is that normal. I mean I feel like there is a lot of lust in it when I think about him sometimes, which bothers me. He is my first boyfriend, first kiss, first you know pretty much everything. So I guess my question is "is that the guy that hurt me like its the only person he ll ever hurt in his entire life, or is this just the idea of having a boyfriend and having the closeness that i miss?"

[Karala]

Read "How to fall out of love", it has a great technique for dealing with remnants of physical attraction for your ex.

[lymtal1]

reimeivn,

 

firts ones are very important no doubt. trust me, i am way older than you and i still remember my first. she was someone that i was with for about five years. after we split i had the same feelings you are feeling now.

 

i also have been out of this last relationship now for going on six months and i still really like her way too much. no one is replacing that feeling that i had with her. and i am trying but going into it with open eyes. have been out but it is not working. but i like you also know that i am a relationship type guy. i like being with someone. i look back over my life and know i have been the happiest when i was in a relatiionship with someone.

 

i also know that this is maybe not a good thing for us as we should be able to be happy being single first. i have lookied back at all of my relationships and the common theme for me was after it ended, my natural flight or fight response was get back into one as soon as i could. yea, the dreaded rebound, and most ended poorly. but for that period after it ended, it helped get me over the previous so i was ok with it. after this most recent one, all the help i have gotten here on ls, i know that the most important thing i can do is work on me and tread cautiously.

 

i do think there are some of us that may not be missing the person so much as the relationship itself. if we think logically why would we really miss the way we have been treated. we don't miss that. we miss having someone to be with. i loved coming home to someone. doing things for someone. i missed the intimacy, the giving her a bath, the doing things for her. i miss that. i don't miss how i was treated cause i was a great boyfriend.

 

so yes you are missing being in a relationship more than him. that is a good thing though. i am trying to focus on that but it is tough for me. my head tells me you don't miss her. my heart tells me i do. my heart is still winning. but i am working on it. i have a list of the bad characteristics of our relationship that i keep with me and when i feel like i am missing her so bad, i'll pull it out and ask really what the he** am i missing? someone or her. i know it's someone but that other one has not come around yet and to be honest i am nowhere ready for that.

 

your normal:)