How do you deal with a "grandma's boy" and his grandma?

[Lena]

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and a half, and we have been living together for about six months. But all of my distress began not long after we began seeing each other. He lives less than a mile from his grandparents, and his grandma is always in his business. He has caught her going through his mail, and she comes down and snoops through his house when he's at work. Well, now that I live here too, it's my stuff that she is snooping through. He doesn't understand why this upsets me so because he has lived with it all his life. My family is just not like that. We respect each other's privacy. I have never had to deal with something like this, and I just don't know what to do. She has caused many fights between us, and I have promised myself and him that she was not going to tear us apart like she did his parents. They are divorced, and he blames her (his grandma) for it. She comes in the house when we're gone and redecorates. She'll get our mail out of our mailbox. All of this angers me to the core, and he barely says anything about it. He has managed to get her to leave our mail alone. For a while she had his whole family against me because she didn't like me; but now that the rest of them know me, they think that I'm a very nice girl. I just don't know what to do, and I love my boyfriend way too much to walk out on him. We have a good relationship aside from her.

[Jenna]

You have good reason to be mad- it would piss me off too!!

 

The bottom line is this- your boyfriend needs to slide grandma out of the #1 position on his priority list and slide YOU into it- in EVERY situation- not just this one.

 

By ignoring the issue- he is saying that her feelings are more important than yours- if it is infact true- then you need to find a new boyfriend.

 

When I first started dating my husband- his mother had access to his apartment also. She would come in a clean -pick-up laundry- and while she was there- she would help herself to listening to messages on his answering machine. Before I even met her- she called my apartment (after hearing my message on his machine about the upcoming weekend)- and proceeded to GO OFF on me- saying that she knew her son had been spending nights with me- and that he had his OWN apartment to sleep in. (I need to say at this point- he was 25 years old) She did not approve of me either- and that was fine with me. I calmly told my (now)husband that if he could not set his mother straight- letting her know that she was not to call my home anymore with that kind of attitude-and take it upon herself to get into MY business- son or no son-- then we could not continue our relationship. I let him know that I would not leave anymore messages on his machine if she was to have access to it- and his apartment in the future. Because- what you said is so true- when you become part of someone's life on a regular basis- its YOUR privacy that is being invaded too in this type of situation.

 

Be firm- letting him know what you expect- be firm about your feelings for him- and let him know that you need privacy in your home if you are to remain there. It is not an unreasonable request by any stretch of the imagination.

 

Good Luck- Jenna

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and a half, and we have been living together for about six months. But all of my distress began not long after we began seeing each other. He lives less than a mile from his grandparents, and his grandma is always in his business. He has caught her going through his mail, and she comes down and snoops through his house when he's at work. Well, now that I live here too, it's my stuff that she is snooping through. He doesn't understand why this upsets me so because he has lived with it all his life. My family is just not like that. We respect each other's privacy. I have never had to deal with something like this, and I just don't know what to do. She has caused many fights between us, and I have promised myself and him that she was not going to tear us apart like she did his parents. They are divorced, and he blames her (his grandma) for it. She comes in the house when we're gone and redecorates. She'll get our mail out of our mailbox. All of this angers me to the core, and he barely says anything about it. He has managed to get her to leave our mail alone. For a while she had his whole family against me because she didn't like me; but now that the rest of them know me, they think that I'm a very nice girl. I just don't know what to do, and I love my boyfriend way too much to walk out on him. We have a good relationship aside from her.

[Tony T]

Let Grandma know you are changing the locks on the house. Tell her when she wants to come over, just call first to be sure you're home to let her in. Let her know your insurance company will not permit anyone other than the insured to have keys to the premises, otherwise loses will not be covered.

 

Also, tell her when she does come over to make some of those delicious chocolate chip cookies and bring them along.

 

If you do not have locks on your place, there are inexpensive and damned worth it. They keep busybody Grandmas out when they're not wanted...and work pretty good on burglars too.