Finding girlfriend's body a turn off one year into dating.Honeymoon period worn off?

[joshuaguy]

HI ALL

 

Being a guy I don't normally admit to browsing such forums but in this case I can't turn to my friends with this one for fear of them making fun at me or seeing me as a btard and shallow.

 

I have been seeing this girl for just less than a year. I wasn't attracted to her before we started dating, she basically threw herself at me, made it VERY clear she wanted me and being a guy I well just went along with the ride so to speak. I have grown to like the person she is. We like some of the same things. I don't find her attractive and know I never will. It's her physical appearance that is starting to turn me off and sometimes I feel like I'm banging another guy.

 

She has a pretty face, nice long hair but the body of a guy. She also dresses like a guy, never wears skirts, dresses or anything feminine, just jeans and trousers and shirts. She doesn't wear a bra, they don't do anything in her size as she's flat chested. She has no hips so no curves and no ass and is very bony, thin, her ribs poke out like a skinny boy. She is however ultra confident and shows her body without insecurity so I don't want to damage her confidence in anyway BUT she does look painfully thin and she did when we met. Friends think she has an eating disorder but I've seen no evidence of this. She does, however, think she's 'a bit fat'.

 

 

Somehow I haven't noticed this or bothered about this til now. Now suddenly I notice and I don't find her attractive. Has the honeymoon period worn off or was I deluded from the start?

 

All my other exes had womanly bodies and were feminine in their ways. Do you think I subconciously wanted a change and now I'm waking up from the dream??

 

Opinions appreciated.

[maysj18]

HI ALL

 

Being a guy I don't normally admit to browsing such forums but in this case I can't turn to my friends with this one for fear of them making fun at me or seeing me as a btard and shallow.

 

I have been seeing this girl for just less than a year. I wasn't attracted to her before we started dating, she basically threw herself at me, made it VERY clear she wanted me and being a guy I well just went along with the ride so to speak. I have grown to like the person she is. We like some of the same things. I don't find her attractive and know I never will. It's her physical appearance that is starting to turn me off and sometimes I feel like I'm banging another guy.

 

She has a pretty face, nice long hair but the body of a guy. She also dresses like a guy, never wears skirts, dresses or anything feminine, just jeans and trousers and shirts. She doesn't wear a bra, they don't do anything in her size as she's flat chested. She has no hips so no curves and no ass and is very bony, thin, her ribs poke out like a skinny boy. She is however ultra confident and shows her body without insecurity so I don't want to damage her confidence in anyway BUT she does look painfully thin and she did when we met. Friends think she has an eating disorder but I've seen no evidence of this. She does, however, think she's 'a bit fat'.

 

 

Somehow I haven't noticed this or bothered about this til now. Now suddenly I notice and I don't find her attractive. Has the honeymoon period worn off or was I deluded from the start?

 

All my other exes had womanly bodies and were feminine in their ways. Do you think I subconciously wanted a change and now I'm waking up from the dream??

 

Opinions appreciated.

 

Honestly, if you weren't attracted to her from the start then there's really no hope you ever will be. Sexual attraction is just as big a factor in a relationship as emotional attraction. I think it's great that you took the time to get to know her and in turn found different things about her that you liked; however, you really need to have that sexual chemistry for things to work. It doesn't make you a bad guy; we all like what we like. Confidence is a rarity and is so important, so I wouldn't shatter her self image by telling her the real reason you aren't happy in the relationship. I don't think the honeymoon phase is over- I just think you all lack sexual chemistry.

[carhill]

You made a mistake, based on your current psychology of attraction. Read this thread for a female perspective on a similar circumstance and her ambivalence about traveling the path you've traveled.

 

If you can't resolve this, let her go. In the long run, it'll be healthier for both of you.

[joshuaguy]

Honestly, if you weren't attracted to her from the start then there's really no hope you ever will be. Sexual attraction is just as big a factor in a relationship as emotional attraction. I think it's great that you took the time to get to know her and in turn found different things about her that you liked; however, you really need to have that sexual chemistry for things to work. It doesn't make you a bad guy; we all like what we like. Confidence is a rarity and is so important, so I wouldn't shatter her self image by telling her the real reason you aren't happy in the relationship. I don't think the honeymoon phase is over- I just think you all lack sexual chemistry.

 

Hi thanks for your reply.

But I really did find her body attractive sometimes - I remember! I don't know if it was the thrill of being in bed with a girl after a dry spell or what. But her body type just isnt my type. Maybe her confidence turned me on and she still has that of course it's just the body does nothing for me now and I constantly have to fantasise about other women.

 

I like her though, she's noce company and I'm attached enough to her now to want to make it work. If only there was an attraction pill I could take or if she would put on a few pounds and develop the curves of a woman's body then all would be fine!

[dasein]

How old are you two? Sorry if I missed it. If you are under 25, people still grow and develop, fill out. You don't mention if you have brought this up with her, or if any of your conversations over the year have been in that direction. Is she feminine otherwise and just masculine physically? Or generally more masculine in behavior? In all likelihood you need to cut things and not perpetuate a relationship that wastes both your time, but more info please.

[joshuaguy]

How old are you two? Sorry if I missed it. If you are under 25, people still grow and develop, fill out. You don't mention if you have brought this up with her, or if any of your conversations over the year have been in that direction. Is she feminine otherwise and just masculine physically? Or generally more masculine in behavior? In all likelihood you need to cut things and not perpetuate a relationship that wastes both your time, but more info please.

 

Hey - we're both in our early 30s. Both been in a few previous relationships. Her behaviour is actually quite feminine, her body is that of a teenage boy despite the obvious differences! It's just that she's so thin! Very bony, not soft and curvy which is what I've always liked. She is flat chested and if you look at her torso, just the torso, it reminds me of my chest as a 10 year old boy - weird huh? Freaking me out quite a bit actually. Feel as if I have just woken up to all this!

 

I was attracted to her confidence and yes perhaps her slightly masculine behaviour as she did all the chasing.

She has no idea I feel this way and I have always complemented her on how she looks despite her looking so darn thin.

[OnyxSnowfall]

Is this for real... heh...

[FitChick]

I wasn't attracted to her before we started dating, she basically threw herself at me, made it VERY clear she wanted me and being a guy I well just went along with the ride so to speak.

 

A perfect example of why women shouldn't chase men.

[joshuaguy]

Is this for real... heh...

 

Yes! Most definately - I'm living this!

[carhill]

A perfect example of why women shouldn't chase men.

I see it more as equal. In the linked thread I posted prior, the male 'friend' is chasing the lady who is ambivalent about his 'scrawniness'. Presuming he is human and has emotions (just like women do, believe it or not), should not the same rule apply? Why should a woman's sensibilities and emotions be held in higher esteem than those of a man?

 

OP, had this otherwise delightful young lady had 'womanly curves' and 'dressed like a woman', you likely wouldn't have joined LS to seek advice and insight, right? You'd be happily 'jumping her bones' and getting down on your knees every night to thank God she chased you, right? That's really good information.

[ShannonMI]

HI ALL

 

Being a guy I don't normally admit to browsing such forums but in this case I can't turn to my friends with this one for fear of them making fun at me or seeing me as a btard and shallow.

 

I have been seeing this girl for just less than a year. I wasn't attracted to her before we started dating, she basically threw herself at me, made it VERY clear she wanted me and being a guy I well just went along with the ride so to speak. I have grown to like the person she is. We like some of the same things. I don't find her attractive and know I never will. It's her physical appearance that is starting to turn me off and sometimes I feel like I'm banging another guy.

 

She has a pretty face, nice long hair but the body of a guy. She also dresses like a guy, never wears skirts, dresses or anything feminine, just jeans and trousers and shirts. She doesn't wear a bra, they don't do anything in her size as she's flat chested. She has no hips so no curves and no ass and is very bony, thin, her ribs poke out like a skinny boy. She is however ultra confident and shows her body without insecurity so I don't want to damage her confidence in anyway BUT she does look painfully thin and she did when we met. Friends think she has an eating disorder but I've seen no evidence of this. She does, however, think she's 'a bit fat'.

 

 

Somehow I haven't noticed this or bothered about this til now. Now suddenly I notice and I don't find her attractive. Has the honeymoon period worn off or was I deluded from the start?

 

All my other exes had womanly bodies and were feminine in their ways. Do you think I subconciously wanted a change and now I'm waking up from the dream??

 

Opinions appreciated.

From what it sounds like there was NEVER a honeymoon period. You just went with the flow and now you just can't do it anymore. If you find her so unattractive, why are you still with her? You feel like you're banging a man when you have sex with her? Obviously you just aren't into her physically. Physical attraction/compatibility IS important in a relationship just as emotional attraction/compatibility is important. So do this girl a favor and break up with her. She deserves to find someone who wants to be with her and you deserve someone who you are more compatible with and who turns you on.

[OpenBook]

A perfect example of why women shouldn't chase men.

 

Completely agree!

 

As Patty Stanger would say, "Your penis didn't do the picking." She picked YOU in the beginning. That's why it didn't (and won't) work.

 

Let her down ever so gently and move on.

[joshuaguy]

Completely agree!

 

As Patty Stanger would say, "Your penis didn't do the picking." She picked YOU in the beginning. That's why it didn't (and won't) work.

 

Let her down ever so gently and move on.

 

That's so true! Deserves a thread of its own...

But yeh I think I was blinded by the -er- pull of getting a regular lay - shallow though it may sound. The problem is if I do break things off with her then what do I say? there's not much else 'wrong' with things and we rarely argue or even disagree on things.

[mr_sexxxy]

HI ALL...sometimes I feel like I'm banging another guy.

 

Whoa. 'Nuff said. Get out now. Literally.

[laotzu]

Can we trade girls? I love super-skinny girls.

 

Agree with the others: you should move on.

[ffw]

A perfect example of why women shouldn't chase men.

 

It depends upon the couple. One can't generalise bcs of this case.

[joshuaguy]

It depends upon the couple. One can't generalise bcs of this case.

 

 

Before I met my girlfriend I had always disliked the idea of forward women and then she came on to me and I somehow changed my opinion. No I do regret just going along with it all and want a more 'ladylike' girl.

 

Definately in my situation I would never have made a move on her as she's not my type but as she was so forward we ended up dating and now I need to get out but it's taken me a year to see clearly. Never again. You know where my brain is...

[snug.bunny]

People are attracted to all shapes and sizes, personalities, age, material items, so on and so forth. Anyone who claims differently, is a liar. I've been attracted/dated/had relationships with all shapes and sizes, from thin to slightly overweight to toned/buffed. Men who were poor, men who were rich. I like what I like, and that's that.

 

The skinny thing, I've wondered about in the past, people commented that I was too "skinny". I've gained a few pounds since, now weighing 131 lbs. (I'm 5ft. 6 inches). I want to slim down to around 128 lbs. (maybe 125 lbs., but that's pushing it for my body frame). The main thing I dislike, is if my face looks chubby or my arms. I grew a little pudge around my belly, but that is coming off slowly with my new fitness regimen. I also thoroughly enjoy the dancing that I get to do during my workouts, so it's a win/win.

 

As for your current predicament, she doesn't "do it" for you. Pretending that you like someone, pretending that you are attracted to them while dating and/or in a relationship, would be more hurtful in the end, versus having a different preference of attraction. So, don't continue with the charade and pretend otherwise, because it won't do either of you any good.

[joshuaguy]

Yeh I know I've got to end things but I don't know what to say, nothing else is 'wrong' with the relationship.

smug.bunny - your weight sounds pretty healthy to me. My girlfriend is the same height as you and only 90lbs - way too thin in my opinion.

[ShannonMI]

Yeh I know I've got to end things but I don't know what to say, nothing else is 'wrong' with the relationship.

smug.bunny - your weight sounds pretty healthy to me. My girlfriend is the same height as you and only 90lbs - way too thin in my opinion.

Just say you fell out of love with her. Did you two ever exchange "I love yous?" It's painful to hear that someone doesn't love you anymore, but it would be more painful if you were to say "Ah I feel like I'm banging a dude when I f*ck you and you just aren't attractive to me anymore and to be honest, you never were."

 

She's 90lbs at 5'6? That is wildly unhealthy!! Does this girl eat?:eek:

[joshuaguy]

Just say you fell out of love with her. Did you two ever exchange "I love yous?" It's painful to hear that someone doesn't love you anymore, but it would be more painful if you were to say "Ah I feel like I'm banging a dude when I f*ck you and you just aren't attractive to me anymore and to be honest, you never were."

 

She's 90lbs at 5'6? That is wildly unhealthy!! Does this girl eat?:eek:

 

Yep done the ILUs but I didn't mean it. She said it after two weeks, I said it after she kept asking me!

 

She hardly eats a thing - her eyes are way beigger than her stomach. She cook mountains of food and order so much when we go out and then just manage to each about a quarter. THAT'S somethings else that annoys me.

 

I'll tell her I don't love her any more and that I don't want to get an appartment with her (she asked me the other day).

[OnyxSnowfall]

joshuaguy - She may have an eating disorder (and perhaps other health issues resulting from it) and should perhaps seek help in overcoming it (the first step is accepting it / realizing it though).

 

OR, she could have a different health issue altogether (one not brought upon by an eating disorder), and she should perhaps be examined by a doctor in order determine whether or not she has any such health concerns.

 

90lbs at 5'6" is NOT healthy, either way... encourage her to visit a medical professional and or a psychological one...

[joshuaguy]

joshuaguy - She may have an eating disorder (and perhaps other health issues resulting from it) and should perhaps seek help in overcoming it (the first step is accepting it / realizing it though).

 

OR, she could have a different health issue altogether (one not brought upon by an eating disorder), and she should perhaps be examined by a doctor in order determine whether or not she has any such health concerns.

 

90lbs at 5'6" is NOT healthy, either way... encourage her to visit a medical professional and or a psychological one...

 

 

Her whole family are all really really thin as well so I think it's just her genes. When I went to lunch at her parents they also hardly ate anything but that did cross my mind, thanks. She knows she is thin but says shes happy that way as she can wear whatever she wants though in many things she just doesn't look healthy.

[ShannonMI]

Yep done the ILUs but I didn't mean it. She said it after two weeks, I said it after she kept asking me!

 

She hardly eats a thing - her eyes are way beigger than her stomach. She cook mountains of food and order so much when we go out and then just manage to each about a quarter. THAT'S somethings else that annoys me.

 

I'll tell her I don't love her any more and that I don't want to get an appartment with her (she asked me the other day).

So if you tell her you don't love her anymore, what is she still doing with you? She must not have much of a self esteem. I know if a guy told me that, I'd want to end things with him. Just tell her you want to break up with her. She already knows you don't love her anymore and you don't want to live with her, so it's over. End of story.

 

She definitely has an eating disorder. No question about it. She's 90lbs, doesn't eat anything and complains she's fat. Tell tale signs she's anorexic.

[OnyxSnowfall]

Her whole family are all really really thin as well so I think it's just her genes. When I went to lunch at her parents they also hardly ate anything but that did cross my mind, thanks. She knows she is thin but says shes happy that way as she can wear whatever she wants though in many things she just doesn't look healthy.

 

"Happiness" does not = "healthy".

 

The former is more subjective and perception based, and while it can positively benefit the latter and help it along with "reality", the latter can exist a part from it for better and for worse.

 

EVEN if her "whole family" is also just as thin or even thinner..........................

 

That doesn't mean she is healthy, nor that they are.

 

I do not know what you mean by "hardly eats" anything --- it could be sufficient enough. But really..... 90lbs at 5'6" seems quite scary, and with how you've described her proportions --- I think it rather illustrates a health concern...

 

I still think... especially unless she HAS already been examined/assessed, it's better safe than sorry and if it doesn't really matter anyway, it's worth ruling out, mm? I know I would encourage anyone I cared about to........

Edited November 6, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall