Author Lost_Spirit Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 Very nice to hear a positive post from you Lost, and it all sounds very promising. I'm not surprised he dodged the relationship troubles, but it definitely sounds like some in roads were at least explored. Looking forward to what develops next. Either way, you had a wonderful day! You needed that. TOJAZ I'm the one that usually brings up relationship and decided to just not talk about anything and have lunch just like it used to be. I've been doing a lot of reading and sometimes its just best to spend time together without bringing up the baggage. That way he sees me as he once did. So there was nothing for him to dodge. Before we went for lunch we were discussing his trip next week and he knows it makes me sad because I 'should' be going too. He knows me well and said, 'i see those tears behind your eyes, please don't cry"........ Anyways, yes, it was a great day. I'm not going to read more into it but it was a positive day and I know if/when I'm in a pleasant mood, he loves to hang out. One day at a time....... I also ordered the book "Divorce Remedies" and hope it has some great advice for me. thanks for following my thread Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lost_Spirit Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 As stated, my ex and I have been separated for a year, stopped working with him in July. He continues to call me almost daily and stops in as well. On weekends for the most part, I don't exist! He had always told me that he never wanted to lose my friendship. In the meantime, it is ME that is still in love with him. Him?? I know he loves me as he has told me but the passion is gone, so hence he is no longer IN love with me. I sometimes feel like he wants his cake and eat it to. While he has all his free time to continue talking to women online, watch porn, masturbate freely and now that I know he is gaming again brings a great deal of stress on me. He did all this before I left so why wouldn't he continue doing it. Just the mention of him telling me he has been up since 4am cause the dog woke him up or he's been up working causes me extreme anxiety because the red flags go up and I know he is lying to me. It is so hard to not say something to him, like I know what you are doing again! He's got the best of both worlds! His free time and me on the sidelines and sometimes that really hurts. It's such a catch 22 for me as part of me loves to hear from him, the other - well when I know what's he's up to just gives me another stab in my heart. Knowing it's not me that sparks his interest but those f**cking women online! It's like nothing has changed for our relationship except we live in separate homes and of course we aren't intimate. If he needs to vent, needs work advice or just wants to talk, he calls me. I sometimes think this is very selfish on his part to do this to me. He wants me to move on and get healthier mentally but deep inside if I really moved on I think he would be devastated! I sometimes think it would be good for both of us if we did have less contact. Yes it would be extremely hard for me but I think it also would be an eye opener for him. He has had NO time to ever miss me because in reality, I am not gone out of his life. If I went forward with this, I just don't know how I would talk to him about it. I know he would agree but deep down I'm sure it would kill him. There still would be a bit of contact but not as much as there is today. For example, he is watching my dog when I go to Mexico so I would see him....but then there are the holidays ....ugggh! First Xmas, then his birthday and then New Years Eve which is also our anniversary. I know he would probably call me as he would be concerned on how I was doing. Uggh.....just feeling horrible today! I wish I could just wave a wand and have my life back. Just needing to vent....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lost_Spirit Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 Reminding myself that he is gone until next Monday and won't be able to call. He's been gone before but was always able to call via cell. This will give me some peace to search within for some answers. Started fake n bake yesterday - want a glow on for my boudoir pictures as well as get ready for my Mexico trip. Looking forward to seeing the ocean and feel the heat on my body. It's been a deep freeze where I live the past few days - -26C + windchill....brrrr. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I sometimes think it would be good for both of us if we did have less contact. Yes it would be extremely hard for me but I think it also would be an eye opener for him. He has had NO time to ever miss me because in reality, I am not gone out of his life. Lost, youve mentioned a couple times that you worried he might be trying to have his cake and eat it too. In a way I think your right, but i don't really think hes concious of that. You have laid out his behavior that lead to the breakdown of the marriage and your suspicions are that is rising to the surface again. So he is now in a situations where he has many of the benefits of a loving wife and is still able to continue on with his habits on his own time. Your basicly allowing him to check in and out of your "relationship" as he sees fit. Many of the people who have been on this board awhile remember a member named Gunny and one of his many quotes was to "Give them the gift of missing you" The way i always read that was to set boundaries and limits. Lets face it despite the lack of the physical connection, you both are still emotionally involved in many ways. That puts you in an increasingly uncomfortable position and allows him to continue getting the benefits of both sides. You might want to consider just dialing back a little and showing him more of the "friend" side of things and see what happens. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts