Bustabrit Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 (edited) Okay, I finally broke down and thought I really needed some helpful from an outside individual in this situation so i dont make the wrong mistake. Ill try and make it short as possible. I have a boyfriend that I have been for five monthes now. I have dated him before but we were really awesome friends for a long time before and he pretty much broke up with his girlfriend of five years who he just had a kid with for me. I took that as him being young and stupid because he was only eighteen and I was also young and stupid for be a home wrecker. We dated for a month and I wanted to break up with him because his ex harrassed me and I felt horrible, but I had this magnetic attraction to him from day one. It took me and him a long time to become as good as friends as we were because he was a wee bit shy. He ended up cheating on me with his ex and making me very depressed because I never let anyone in and then did, he feels so different then other guys to me. I could tell he was very indecisive and felt really bad for doing it but I still didnt want him back after his ex rubbed it in my face. I didnt date anyone for a year and a half after that, I just had small little flirty meaningless flings. Well this summer came along and I had a little fling and I one day I just thought about how much i wished it were him. Seriously, the next day he messaged me asking to hang out after I havent heard from him in a year and a half. I took this as a sign that we should be together. Him and his ex broke up three monthes before in an ugly fashion. We started dating and things really felt amazing. He was the first guy I've dated since what happened to us in the first place. He kept on moving houses though because of issues but remained close to me so I could see him everyday still. I got on birth control and I dont know what came over me, I think it was honestly my hormones, but i got really upset he fell asleep on me one night because he got drunk which is rare haha. I spontaneously went to a rock concert campout that weekend and him falling asleep on me fueled me and I ended up cheating on him which I regret so much. I was very ****ed up and after that I couldnt look at myself in the mirror and appreciate myself for a month after that. I still get upset. I tried to break it off and even told him everything. He was very upset and still wanted to be with me. I didnt do it spitefully but I brought up him cheating on me and he said he expected it because he thought he had a family with her, but he told me before that he wished he never did it. The next month things were very rocky because I was anxious and insecure I think from my birthcontrol and we fought and broke up constantly but couldnt stay away more than a day. Through September we were really good, he then moved to a different city to be with his dad and visits 2-3 a week and calls me regulary. Im scared he will get a job and find someone else out there. I discuss with him my problems and fears and he says he absolutely adores me and sees us being together for a long time. He wants to be in love with me and wants me to trust him but i find it hard. I just keep comparing him to other men and how they cheat. I really think anxiety is getting the best of me but Im not for sure. Im protecting my heart and if I leave him it will hurt and be so hard to get over, and if i stay with him, I dont know what hes doing behind my back. He claims I am the world to him and deals with my problems without frustration. But what he did to his ex by leaving her for me makes me think he would do it to me and not tell me. I also think he would because he is a libra, and Libras are known to cheat. I dont know if I'm just being stupid with that. lol. Please give me your input. Edited November 6, 2011 by Bustabrit make it shorter Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts