My Realization to coping.

[Jim Ryzle]

True Story, If you guys can offer some suggestions or things I can do make my story clearer, it would be much appreciated.

 

During sophomore year badminton season, I met a girl in my grade first as simple acquaintances. By junior year we had gone from talking once a week, usually about school, to basically every night, unafraid to share even the deepest personal matters. She would help me through emotional hardships with my peers, and I would comfort her when she felt insecure about her intelligence. This was the first time I have had somebody whom I felt like could hear everything about me and still view me as the same. She was my first best friend. As time passed, I developed closer feelings towards her, feelings that extended slightly beyond friendship. When I finally mustered up courage to confront her, I was told that I was just like all her other close friends. She then gradually distanced herself, afraid to lead me on further. I became emotionally torn with the reality that something I had wanted the most in my life, a deep relationship with whom I thought to be the most gorgeous and engaging girl, would never happen. Not only that, I had lost my first best friend.

My coping began as seemingly unending torture. Every small thought of her pierced me like an arrow, reminding me of what would never be. I will never forget how traumatizing it was to constantly dwell on why she did not feel a passion towards me, and I will never forget how distressed I felt when I knew that some of her best days would not involve me. My life was consumed. I had limited interactions with my friends, and lost motivation to meet new people. The idea that I had lost my only key to happiness was so engrained within me that I felt no desire to pursue anything. I had lost interests in deciding where I wanted to head in the future and looked at all my hobbies with distaste. At the same time, on my rational side, I knew that I was only in high school, and that there are millions of other girls yet to meet; I also knew that 99 percent of high school relationships do not last. However, no matter how pathetic my rational side felt, my emotional side refused me to let go this one girl who seemed to be the key to everything.

Sometime in August, I came across the phrase “let go or be dragged” from an online forum. This phrase evoked a familiar, yet foreign, feeling within me that pushed me to reflect. I started to realize something I have never noticed before: the lowest, most miserable moments of my life involved me drowning in situations outside of my control. Just as I cannot make her care as deeply as I did, I also could not have prevented my father from moving thousands of miles away to do the only job that could support our family. Reexamining myself during these traumatizing experiences, I gradually saw that to constantly dwell these closed doors would push me away from opening doors in the future. It is often heard that the quality of obstinacy makes a person successful at life; however, my experiences revealed to me that learning to let go and accept things outside my control might not only be more of a struggle but also allow a person to achieve more worthwhile aspirations.

[kaleidoscope]

Well said. I totally get what you are saying!!

 

I currently have a friend I absolutely adore more than a friend and I told her about it. She didn't want me but seemed fine about me liking her.

 

But recently I told her I can't speak to her for several months because I thought I was falling in love with her and am too infatuated with her right now.

 

I was terrified that I'd lose her friendship so I'm taking this course of action.

 

I'm glad I can talk about all this with her.

 

I don't know. It seems 99% of these types of friendships fail and I'm trying my best to make it work by getting over my infatuation and I honestly just want to be friends and not ruin it.

 

Maybe if you talk about it with her you can try to build a friendship again if you think it could work.

[kaleidoscope]

But only you know if that is the right thing to do...take everything I say with a grain of salt.

 

I'm still trying to figure out how to avoid being infatuated with her!!