jmargel Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 I guess you can say this is my 'skeleton' in my closet. Yes my fiancee knows about this and how I am ashamed. This was done when I was single and way before I met my fiancee. I am writing this story to show you there is no happy endings in relationship with a married person. I met 'Tammy' online and lived only about 5 miles away. She seemed upbeat & cheerful and someone that I'd like to know better. We used to talk everyday online, and about 2 weeks into it she told me she was married. She 34, me 26. She was married for close to 18 years and was never with another guy. Over the months she would tell me how her husband abused her. He never punched her, but would get her upto a wall and punch the wall beside her. He would also do stuff like verbally terrorizing her. When they went out, all was great.. He put on a nice performance. But slowly she mentioned even her friends would pick up on little things. About six months later I decided to meet her, just to talk. We met at a park and about 30 mins into it she kissed me. I was taken back quite a bit but didn't say much. Little did I know for the past 10+ years I was the only male that was 'kind' to her and show her compassion. I told her from the start it was only going to be friendship, she was fine with it. Advancing a few months later she came over to my house because things were getting bad. She had two kids as well who was seeing this abuse, but would take her husband's side because of his maniuplating ways. While at my house, one thing led to another & we had sex. To me it wasn't fulfilling and I knew this was going to lead to more problems. When she left she seemed normal. About a week later she wanted to come over & I let her. She had 'something' to tell me. This something was that she fell in love with me. When I told her back that I didn't love her she went completely nuts. I told her from the start it was only friendship, but then she would say I led her on, etc.. I can tell she was lacking alot in her life and I wasn't about to try and fix it for her. She would then threaten me, saying she was going to tell her husband, etc.. I told her if she needed to, then go ahead. I am not playing these games, and she was not going to try to force me into a relationship with her. She eventually let go. I saw her in the mall about 3 months ago and knew she was with someone else at that time. She moved out & in with him. But when she saw me she ran upto me & hugged and wouldn't let go. I felt bad but at that time I was with my fiancee. I didn't mention that to her, but wrote Tammy an email a week later, saying I am engaged. I never got an email back. I feel bad, because she lacked so much in her marriage. She was totally voided of all affection, love, trust and compassion. If any good has come out of it, I was able to show her that there is better out there. That she did leave her abusive household, which included leaving her kids. I was able to get across to her that it was more important for her kids to see that a person needs to make themselves happy & to be honest with yourself, then to stay in a relationship just so that the kids have their two parents under the same roof. I knew her about 3 years and I'm glad she has moved on. But what I am trying to tell everyone who's involved with someone who's in a relationship that majority of the time it won't work out. Too many games are played, too many feelings get hurt. Even if you did get the MM or MW, how do you know they are really yours forever? How do you know they won't go back? How can you really trust them, they won't do to you what they did with you while married? You can't. And without trust you don't have any foundation to build a relationship on. You need to be secure in a relationship, not a situation where it is a day-to-day thing. You do deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugar_Cube Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 Hi, all I have to say is WOW!! I think you handled that really well. I'm sorry she is going through that, so much of that kinda thing going on in the world. At least you showed her there are ways out of situations and that she does deserve better. Thanks for sharing your post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmargel Posted May 24, 2004 Author Share Posted May 24, 2004 You're welcome. Though I would have done some things different but to all the women & men out there who are being abused by their partner, there is happiness out there for you all. I see that with my fiancee's dad & his second wife. They are miserable and he won't even try counciling. Nine years of marriage going down the drain. Going there you can feel the stress in the air. Sometimes counciling will help, sometimes it's best to just seperate and find someone more compatible. People change over time. Sometimes for the better & sometimes for the worst. I just don't understand how some people can mistreat their 'one & only love' so awful. It's a gift to be with that person who you are married, not a right. Link to post Share on other sites
RackEmUp Posted May 24, 2004 Share Posted May 24, 2004 I just don't understand how some people can mistreat their 'one & only love' so awful. It's a gift to be with that person who you are married, not a right. These words are so true, I just had to repeat them. It's a gift to be loved. Every one of us should cherish that gift if we have been given it. Link to post Share on other sites
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