I think I 'm involved with a sociopath

[Mixed up Rachel]

Hi everyone, I think you all give very good advice so I thought I would write and see if you guys could help me also. I will try and give the condensed version of a long story.

 

I have let a man treat me like dirt and I feel used and abuse.

 

I was once a very happy secure person. met this man that was so wonderful to me told me the most wonderful things.

 

Now I know he is a manipulator and just wanted to get me to bed.

 

After I fell for him hard and went to bed with him. He turned mean, cold, obnoxious and continually hurt my feelings. It almost seemed like he enjoyed it. but I kept coming back because I Loved him? The question is why would I love a man who treated me so mean and unkindly?

 

I would try and break up with him but he would call and say why didn't you call me and be nice for a few days then back to the same nasty treatment. I am now in the trying to forget him stage again and not having much luck.

 

What happened is this I was supposed to met him at 8, he said he couldn't make it earlier. He is late but I was still waiting for him like a dummy that I am. My cell

 

phone rings (good I thought it was him) wrong! I can here a woman screaming and crying and hitting, she comes on the phone and says I am (boyfriends name) future wife and wanted to know if I am his friend or client she had obviously saw my name on his cell phone and redial it and from what I could hear they were fighting over the phone.

 

I knew nothing about this women and we had been going out for 1 1/2 years. Well, hopefully this will bring me to my senses about this guy but would you believe even as mad and hurt as was I still miss him. I need help.....

 

I am so mad at myself 1.. that I can't get over this guy and 2...I let him treat me so mean. I think I need a therapist but I can afford one. Thanks for listening....

 

At the time I did tell him off good and got a lot off my

 

chest but all he could say is that he regreted what happened.

[Jenna]

I'm sure he did regret it- he got CAUGHT- they always regret it then!

 

You are doing the right thing by ending contact with this man- if thats what you want to call him.

 

If you spent a year and a half with him- it is normal to feel the pain of separation- and it too will pass in time. Spend time with friends- or doing things you enjoy alone- the point is to stay busy while you are healing from a broken heart.

 

Once you have a clear mind- you need to do some soul searching to determine why you weren't able to see this guy's true character sooner than now. There had to be signs- so figure out what you missed. Pay particular attention to your future love interests- and at the FIRST sign of unacceptable behavior- get it out on the table that you aren't going to settle for anything less than a loving, caring, thoughtful man- if he isn't able to be that man- then move on. This break-up should serve as a lesson- make some good out of it- and never look back.

 

You are the one in control of your life- or at least you "should" be. Be strong and what ever you do- cease contact with this man- no good can come out of continuing to see and\or talk to him.

 

Good Luck, Jenna

Hi everyone, I think you all give very good advice so I thought I would write and see if you guys could help me also. I will try and give the condensed version of a long story. I have let a man treat me like dirt and I feel used and abuse. I was once a very happy secure person. met this man that was so wonderful to me told me the most wonderful things. Now I know he is a manipulator and just wanted to get me to bed. After I fell for him hard and went to bed with him. He turned mean, cold, obnoxious and continually hurt my feelings. It almost seemed like he enjoyed it. but I kept coming back because I Loved him? The question is why would I love a man who treated me so mean and unkindly? I would try and break up with him but he would call and say why didn't you call me and be nice for a few days then back to the same nasty treatment. I am now in the trying to forget him stage again and not having much luck. What happened is this I was supposed to met him at 8, he said he couldn't make it earlier. He is late but I was still waiting for him like a dummy that I am. My cell phone rings (good I thought it was him) wrong! I can here a woman screaming and crying and hitting, she comes on the phone and says I am (boyfriends name) future wife and wanted to know if I am his friend or client she had obviously saw my name on his cell phone and redial it and from what I could hear they were fighting over the phone.

 

I knew nothing about this women and we had been going out for 1 1/2 years. Well, hopefully this will bring me to my senses about this guy but would you believe even as mad and hurt as was I still miss him. I need help..... I am so mad at myself 1.. that I can't get over this guy and 2...I let him treat me so mean. I think I need a therapist but I can afford one. Thanks for listening.... At the time I did tell him off good and got a lot off my chest but all he could say is that he regreted what happened.

[Deejette]

We want so badly to love and be loved that we will sometimes settle for bad treatment rather than be alone. But this relationship is the opposite of love. It is deception, mistreatment, and ugliness. This man was rotten to you, but because you have love in your heart and want to express it, you gave it to him. And he continued to treat you badly because you allowed him to do so.

 

Seeing yourself as a magnificent person who deserves love and respect instead of abuse is the first step. Turning that love you feel for him towards yourself would be a good thing to do. You are the one who deserves love and the way you can love yourself is to not subject yourself to bad treatment.

I'm sure he did regret it- he got CAUGHT- they always regret it then! You are doing the right thing by ending contact with this man- if thats what you want to call him. If you spent a year and a half with him- it is normal to feel the pain of separation- and it too will pass in time. Spend time with friends- or doing things you enjoy alone- the point is to stay busy while you are healing from a broken heart. Once you have a clear mind- you need to do some soul searching to determine why you weren't able to see this guy's true character sooner than now. There had to be signs- so figure out what you missed. Pay particular attention to your future love interests- and at the FIRST sign of unacceptable behavior- get it out on the table that you aren't going to settle for anything less than a loving, caring, thoughtful man- if he isn't able to be that man- then move on. This break-up should serve as a lesson- make some good out of it- and never look back. You are the one in control of your life- or at least you "should" be. Be strong and what ever you do- cease contact with this man- no good can come out of continuing to see and\or talk to him. Good Luck, Jenna

[Tony T]

More than likely, you never experienced healthy love growing up. Your self esteem is low. You do not feel worthy of real, honest love. Until you get these things straightened out, you will attract bums like this.

 

You are not in love with this guy, you are caught up in the challenge of getting him to love you. It's like these ten castaways on the island who are willing to eat worms, sleep on cold sand, etc. for weeks in order to win $1,000,000 from the CBS Network. Well, nine of them get voted off the island and win nothing. Hey, it hurts but we always hang in there hoping things will pay off for us...but often they don't.

 

Love will come your way but only when you learn to recognize it. Knowing when to get away, when to run away is as much a part of love and knowing when to hang in there and make it work. You need to learn a lot about both.