rebeccajones Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 No one makes me excited. I see potential in some people but then after a date I get home and feel nothing. I still wonder why me and my ex are not together, it is still hard to believe. It's not that I'm desperate for him, but we felt good together. I know I can have that with someone else but I'm hesitant and not excited about anyone. I keep thinking he will realize what he lost, yet I don't want to think that nor do I want to care!!! I'm just so tired of feeling this way! In the past I had tried to get him back but he completely changed and lost any desire for me. He became someone I did not know and was no longer in love with me. It's been a year and I just wish I could see that he is not who he was. He is not that person in my head!!!!! Is there anything I can do? I have a life and I am living it but this MF needs to leave my head!! Link to post Share on other sites
Popehappycat Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 I'm not saying get involved with the next guy you meet, but moving on will do wonders for the pain. After a year, I'd think it's safe to say you're not in the rebound phase. I know it seems like nobody can compare, that you'll never share what you had again, that nobody can get you like them, but it's not true. I went into my last relationship like that, well it wasn't really a relationship at that point. I felt, ya, this chick is cool, but she isn't so and so. Eventually that changed and I could honestly care less about the previous one. Said new relationship lasted about a year and ended with me having those woe is me and my life feelings again. It's been a year for me as well, and I'm in the same boat as you, except I decided I wasn't where I wanted to be in life and wanted to fix that first. I have an interview coming up here shortly and if that goes well, I'll be putting myself back in the game shortly after. :-D I know moving on would have eased the pain, but I think there's a special kind of insight you can gain by taking a time out, especially a long one. Sure the hurt surfaces from time to time, but I know I don't want her and honestly question my sanity about my decision to get with her at all. But yeah, the whole hindsight in 20/20 thing. In the end, it happened, it's over, I'm cool with that, but I come first, and that's what I've been using this time for. So if YOU'RE happy with you, find a nice guy and give it a chance. Don't view it as shopping for your next boyfriend, look at it as meeting and enjoying the company of a like minded person and having fun. You never know what it could turn into. Long story short, you're not alone and your feelings are normal. Stay strong and you'll be ok. :-D Link to post Share on other sites
Author rebeccajones Posted November 8, 2011 Author Share Posted November 8, 2011 Thanks that makes sense. I'm so afraid of ahving to go through this again also. So many hesitations but I need to try. Link to post Share on other sites
broken-and-lost Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 The way your feeling is normal, it's been just over a year for me ad i've dated around 5 girls in that time i never feel like i'm able to get close to any like i'm looking for excuses why they won't work out. The best thing you can do is just concentrate on you and doing things you like doing if someone comes along who then excites you then great, it's usually when you've stopped looking that these things happen. One great man said Life Happens When Your Busy Making other Plans! I like to think that is true i hope you'll find what it is your looking for Link to post Share on other sites
itsmewren Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 I relate to everything you said and also second the advice that has been given to you thus far. it's funny how, just knowing other people are experiencing the same "silly" feelings you're experiencing, can make you feel that much better. so thank you for sharing rebeccajones (: Link to post Share on other sites
Author rebeccajones Posted November 8, 2011 Author Share Posted November 8, 2011 Glad to be able to share. I wish I could flip a switch sometimes and get rid of my delusions! Link to post Share on other sites
Newflor32 Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 (edited) I think only time and effort will help. We are all different and you can only try. If you do enter a relationship, and still have feel the same, please be careful. Take care of you, you are fragile. I entered my current relationship a year n 3 months out and i wasnt really ready and still not. I have just learn to be honest and good to the people we care about, that includes you. You cant go wrong. As im slowly healing, i realise im not angry over the break up but rather how i allowed him to treat me. We have to learn to forgive the other person and ourselves to truly make peace with the situation and starting now live the best life you can and know that no other being is responsible for your happiness but you. Your ex "may" be living their best life, you need to break free n do you. You will get there. Im cheering for u. Edited November 9, 2011 by Newflor32 Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I feel totally the same too. It's been over a year and I've tried seeing others. But nothing has worked out. Link to post Share on other sites
karmaqueen Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Sounds like you need more time. With my previous break up, I just woke up one morning and something had clicked and I no longer loved him or thought about him. It will happen to you, but you don't know when. Sounds like you are doing really well though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rebeccajones Posted November 9, 2011 Author Share Posted November 9, 2011 Thanks friends! I am doing my best I have my good and bad days. I like this "no other being is responsible for your happiness but you" Sometimes I question that and expect someone to make me happy. Maybe I need to realize that it is the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 Thanks friends! I am doing my best I have my good and bad days. I like this "no other being is responsible for your happiness but you" Sometimes I question that and expect someone to make me happy. Maybe I need to realize that it is the truth. Sometimes the truest of truths are the ones hardest to accept. At least I know that's something I experienced -- and am still experiencing. But the others are right, although I would say that it is "normal" not to feel very excited about getting back out there, even after a year. Part of me thinks this is both genuine disinterest and your heart's way of making sure it's fully ready to give itself whenever you do decide to date again. While I agree that it might not be a totally bad idea to be open to whatever happens if someone does come along, I also think you shouldn't force it. The "good and bad" days rollercoaster is an exhausting one indeed, but trust that it's something that thankfully starts to ease up with a bit of time. But just try and keep your head up the best you can, and don't be afraid to take interest in other men if you feel it. I don't think you're in the 'rebound' zone anymore, so it doesn't have to be all 'serious' from the get go. Enjoying another person's company and just talking to them can be surprisingly fulfilling, especially during a down time like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rebeccajones Posted November 10, 2011 Author Share Posted November 10, 2011 I am enjoying the company of others it's just that I feel I can't give my all when at night when I go to bed it is someone else on my mind. Now I see him online in different groups looking hard to meet the "one" his "soulmate" and I'm here still thinking of him. I'm SO mad at myself for this. Why do I get myself SO wrapped up. This is always happening to me. It's happened more than once, maybe I romanticize it so much after they leave and when I am with them I try to be strong. Part of me believes he will come back and realize and I can't get that out of my head and I delusionally beleive it is true. I mean we were SO good together, we felt right. I am moving on, I just hope I can find someone better for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rebeccajones Posted November 10, 2011 Author Share Posted November 10, 2011 (edited) What makes me mad is that it has been SO long since the breakup!!!! PLus he became a real D to me after the breakup, he lost all feelings. I WANT MY MOJO BACK. Edited November 10, 2011 by rebeccajones Link to post Share on other sites
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