I only get pursued by guys I'm NOT interested in

[LynnieBear]

I have liked, maybe 3 guys, a whole lot, in my entire life time (and that's a long one)... 24.... that's a loonnnggg time to never have found the guy that you're supposed to be with.

 

The first guy, I was 17 and he liked another girl. Meanwhile, my other friend, was on the side, pursuing me and I was not attracted to him at all, didn't like his personality one little tiny bit, thought he was boring and a pushover and a "nice guy". (I like jerks)

 

2nd guy... met him somewhere, didn't get his digits or anything, he showed up somewhere later that I was at, still didn't get his number, he didn't ask for mine, etc... and now we're just fb buddies and we don't talk to each other 'cause he never responds to my messages. But he was REALLY cute and I was totally and completely attracted... meanwhile, I was getting asked out by several different guys (and having one fall in love with me) who I never gave any indication I liked or cared to go out with. They were all really unattractive to me and I was even mean to the one who fell in love with me. Our only "time" together was all forced because he was a family friend... I never hung out with him on my own or gave him any indication I wanted to...

 

3rd guy... fell absolutely totally and completely in love!! Adorable, handsome, charming, came across (at first) like he was this loner type guy who was just lonely and needed a friend... well we became friends... really good friends actually and now I never see him, he stopped texting, the only time I talk to him is online, yet he gets offended (or did get offended) when I said we weren't really friends once.

 

Probably the closest I've ever gotten to ANY boy and I told him I liked him WAY too soon, so in other words, "ruined the chase" for him and have since then told him numerous time and even told him I loved him.

 

None of this was in person, so I don't see it as that big of a deal, but I guess he did.

 

But... then again, had I not told him "I like him" he would've treated me like all the other girls he "dates". Dated me for 3 weeks (at the most) gotten bored, told one of his other girl "friends" online that I'm boring already and dumped me.

 

He has a commitment issue... he doesn't wait long enough to get to know ppl to see if he really does like them. You can't know if you like someone in 3 weeks...

 

I think in a way, but "ruining the chase" I actually saved myself even more heart ache, because if I hadn't, he probably would have asked me out and dumped me like every other girl.

 

He basically came across as someone he's not when I met him. Tried to act all innocent and sweet, come to find out, he's really just a pompous azz.

 

Yet, I'm still attached... sort of.

 

I've been trying and trying like heck to ignore him and not contact him.. he's always responsive when I do. The only reason he hasn't been the first one to contact me is because his computer is broke (that's how he contacts all of his "ladies".. is over IM), so I'm trying to leave him alone...

 

I just recently deactivated my account 'cause I don't care to talk to anyone else on there. My closest friends I DO keep in contact with over the phone and text and in person... he's the only other "closest" friend who just keeps our friendship "online". I don't really talk to anyone else on my account online except for really close friends.

 

So... I was talking to a friend (all my friends know what's going on and have been really supportive) last night and she said "what a jerk! I think you should just ignore him and see what happens" and I'm trying really hard... it's only been 2 days, but I keep snapping at him because the majority of the time he's just mean...

 

I mean, the stuff he says makes him sound so stupid you'd wonder why a fish would like him, let alone a living, human girl...

 

but I (we) do... he has a "few" girls on his profile flirting with him...

 

I just don't know how to keep this "no contact" thing going.

 

The last time I didn't talk to him, it was for about 2 weeks and he texted me the 2nd week... I don't remember how I managed to last that long the last time, but I'm going to try again.

 

I really don't wanna talk to him... he's just... mean.

 

But I don't want to be manipulative, either, and hope that going no contact will make him realize the "error of his ways". If it does, great, but I don't want that to be the alterior motive.

 

I just don't know what to do... I'm so tired of being his "friend". And I don't really want anything else right now either...

 

I'm actually at a point where I simply, flat out, do not like anyone, do not care to find anyone, and really don't care if I really do end up alone forever.

[LynnieBear]

I have liked, maybe 3 guys, a whole lot, in my entire life time (and that's a long one)... 24.... that's a loonnnggg time to never have found the guy that you're supposed to be with.

 

The first guy, I was 17 and he liked another girl. Meanwhile, my other friend, was on the side, pursuing me and I was not attracted to him at all, didn't like his personality one little tiny bit, thought he was boring and a pushover and a "nice guy". (I like jerks)

 

2nd guy... met him somewhere, didn't get his digits or anything, he showed up somewhere later that I was at, still didn't get his number, he didn't ask for mine, etc... and now we're just fb buddies and we don't talk to each other 'cause he never responds to my messages. But he was REALLY cute and I was totally and completely attracted... meanwhile, I was getting asked out by several different guys (and having one fall in love with me) who I never gave any indication I liked or cared to go out with. They were all really unattractive to me and I was even mean to the one who fell in love with me. Our only "time" together was all forced because he was a family friend... I never hung out with him on my own or gave him any indication I wanted to...

 

3rd guy... fell absolutely totally and completely in love!! Adorable, handsome, charming, came across (at first) like he was this loner type guy who was just lonely and needed a friend... well we became friends... really good friends actually and now I never see him, he stopped texting, the only time I talk to him is online, yet he gets offended (or did get offended) when I said we weren't really friends once.

 

Probably the closest I've ever gotten to ANY boy and I told him I liked him WAY too soon, so in other words, "ruined the chase" for him and have since then told him numerous time and even told him I loved him.

 

None of this was in person, so I don't see it as that big of a deal, but I guess he did.

 

But... then again, had I not told him "I like him" he would've treated me like all the other girls he "dates". Dated me for 3 weeks (at the most) gotten bored, told one of his other girl "friends" online that I'm boring already and dumped me.

 

He has a commitment issue... he doesn't wait long enough to get to know ppl to see if he really does like them. You can't know if you like someone in 3 weeks...

 

I think in a way, but "ruining the chase" I actually saved myself even more heart ache, because if I hadn't, he probably would have asked me out and dumped me like every other girl.

 

He basically came across as someone he's not when I met him. Tried to act all innocent and sweet, come to find out, he's really just a pompous azz.

 

Yet, I'm still attached... sort of.

 

I've been trying and trying like heck to ignore him and not contact him.. he's always responsive when I do. The only reason he hasn't been the first one to contact me is because his computer is broke (that's how he contacts all of his "ladies".. is over IM), so I'm trying to leave him alone...

 

I just recently deactivated my account 'cause I don't care to talk to anyone else on there. My closest friends I DO keep in contact with over the phone and text and in person... he's the only other "closest" friend who just keeps our friendship "online". I don't really talk to anyone else on my account online except for really close friends.

 

So... I was talking to a friend (all my friends know what's going on and have been really supportive) last night and she said "what a jerk! I think you should just ignore him and see what happens" and I'm trying really hard... it's only been 2 days, but I keep snapping at him because the majority of the time he's just mean...

 

I mean, the stuff he says makes him sound so stupid you'd wonder why a fish would like him, let alone a living, human girl...

 

but I (we) do... he has a "few" girls on his profile flirting with him...

 

I just don't know how to keep this "no contact" thing going.

 

The last time I didn't talk to him, it was for about 2 weeks and he texted me the 2nd week... I don't remember how I managed to last that long the last time, but I'm going to try again.

 

I really don't wanna talk to him... he's just... mean.

 

But I don't want to be manipulative, either, and hope that going no contact will make him realize the "error of his ways". If it does, great, but I don't want that to be the alterior motive.

 

I just don't know what to do... I'm so tired of being his "friend". And I don't really want anything else right now either...

 

I'm actually at a point where I simply, flat out, do not like anyone, do not care to find anyone, and really don't care if I really do end up alone forever.

 

This is also a guy I know in person. We have hung out a few times, I've seen him in person a lot, etc... we spent a lot of time in person as well as talking for hours upon hours.

 

We know each other well. I think he just flat out has not even given me a chance, to see if he may like me, though.

 

Like all the other girls, he really hasn't given me a chance. Even though we've hung out, it's been brief, and you can't get to know someone only talking to them online.

 

Well, it's been a few days and I haven't talked to him... we'll see if I can go a couple weeks. If he contacts me, great, if not, that's that.

 

I will always keep him in my heart, though. Meaning, I'll never forget him. </3

[El Brujo]

Therein lies the problem.

 

You have to get over your fear and go out and pick the guys you want, instead of waiting for them to pick you.

 

Seriously, being on the market for a guy is like taking a walk through an apple orchard. The bad ones will drop from the trees for you, but you have to do a little reaching to pick the tastiest ones yourself.

[LynnieBear]

Therein lies the problem.

 

You have to get over your fear and go out and pick the guys you want, instead of waiting for them to pick you.

 

Seriously, being on the market for a guy is like taking a walk through an apple orchard. The bad ones will drop from the trees for you, but you have to do a little reaching to pick the tastiest ones yourself.

 

That's exactly why I'm not with the guy I'm with now.

 

Women should not pursue men. I pursued the guy I'm in love with.

 

I turned him off and ruined the chase.

 

It's how men operate.

 

I need to back off and wait for a guy to pursue me, the only problem is, the reason the guys that do pursue me are ones I'm NOT interested in... is because I leave them alone.

 

I don't care to talk to them, they never hear from me, I don't act interested AT ALL and then they become curious and interested.

 

Guys I DO like... I act like it, I make an attempt to get to know them, etc...

 

Guys run from that. Why, I have no idea. That part I can't figure out, but it's how they work. They want to be the knight in shining armor and rescue the damsel in distress.

 

It still exists to this day. It's part of being human.

[erika2610]

That's exactly why I'm not with the guy I'm with now.

 

Women should not pursue men. I pursued the guy I'm in love with.

 

I turned him off and ruined the chase.

 

It's how men operate.

 

I need to back off and wait for a guy to pursue me, the only problem is, the reason the guys that do pursue me are ones I'm NOT interested in... is because I leave them alone.

 

I don't care to talk to them, they never hear from me, I don't act interested AT ALL and then they become curious and interested.

 

Guys I DO like... I act like it, I make an attempt to get to know them, etc...

 

Guys run from that. Why, I have no idea. That part I can't figure out, but it's how they work. They want to be the knight in shining armor and rescue the damsel in distress.

 

It still exists to this day. It's part of being human.

 

You really think the only reason he's not into you is because you pursued him?

[Shaun-Dro]

That's exactly why I'm not with the guy I'm with now.

 

Women should not pursue men. I pursued the guy I'm in love with.

 

I turned him off and ruined the chase.

 

It's how men operate.

 

I need to back off and wait for a guy to pursue me, the only problem is, the reason the guys that do pursue me are ones I'm NOT interested in... is because I leave them alone.

 

I don't care to talk to them, they never hear from me, I don't act interested AT ALL and then they become curious and interested.

 

Guys I DO like... I act like it, I make an attempt to get to know them, etc...

 

Guys run from that. Why, I have no idea. That part I can't figure out, but it's how they work. They want to be the knight in shining armor and rescue the damsel in distress.

 

It still exists to this day. It's part of being human.

 

You've got it all backwards. We don't expect you to pursue, just cut out the games for a change, okay? You can talk to a guy normally and leave it up to him if he wants to pursue. You don't have to chase anyone.

 

Learn to go after the ones you want by putting yourself out there to them and not standing around looking elsewhere, playing games, and just maybe the right one will say "hello" or you get the stereotypical crap out of your mind that men should always approach first, and make a small move. I bet you'll heed results.

[TrueColors]

OP, I see a clear pattern here:

 

Guys you are attracted to = unavailable / unattracted to you.

 

Guys you are NOT attracted to = available.

 

Seems like you have a knack for setting yourself up to fail.

 

Why?

This is what YOU are supposed to work out yourself.

 

You may blame the "men", the "chase", "society", whatever, but you can't see that it's YOU making the choices.

 

Are you really that naive?

[Mme. Chaucer]

OP, I see a clear pattern here:

 

Guys you are attracted to = unavailable / unattracted to you.

 

Guys you are NOT attracted to = available.

 

Seems like you have a knack for setting yourself up to fail.

 

Why?

This is what YOU are supposed to work out yourself.

 

You may blame the "men", the "chase", "society", whatever, but you can't see that it's YOU making the choices.

 

Are you really that naive?

 

It's a lot deeper than that. There is no ability to see beyond the surface here. At all.

[LynnieBear]

OP, I see a clear pattern here:

 

Guys you are attracted to = unavailable / unattracted to you.

 

Guys you are NOT attracted to = available.

 

Seems like you have a knack for setting yourself up to fail.

 

Why?

This is what YOU are supposed to work out yourself.

 

You may blame the "men", the "chase", "society", whatever, but you can't see that it's YOU making the choices.

 

Are you really that naive?

 

No, it's just that I want a good looking guy, not an average guy.

 

I guess the good looking guys think I'm average.

 

I'm not, though.

[erika2610]

No, it's just that I want a good looking guy, not an average guy.

 

I guess the good looking guys think I'm average.

 

I'm not, though.

 

Let me ask you a question I asked a friend a long time ago. One who also happened to be all about looks. If you had 2 guys to choose from - one who was "hot", but treated you like crap, and an "average" guy who treated you like a queen - which one would you pick?

[TrueColors]

There is no ability to see beyond the surface here. At all.

 

No, it's just that I want a good looking guy, not an average guy.

 

I guess the good looking guys think I'm average.

 

I'm not, though.

 

Yep, and she just proved it right here.

 

(It was worth a shot though )

[LynnieBear]

Let me ask you a question I asked a friend a long time ago. One who also happened to be all about looks. If you had 2 guys to choose from - one who was "hot", but treated you like crap, and an "average" guy who treated you like a queen - which one would you pick?

 

 

hands down, I'd choose the hot guy and try and mold him into a nice guy...

 

and eventually get frustrated and dump him and wait for a hot, nice guy.

 

personalities are flexible... looks aren't... if you're born with an ugly face, you're born with an ugly face..

 

if his personality isn't flexible enough, then I'll just wait till I find a hot, nice guy.

 

I have to be attracted. I don't know why that's so hard to understand.

[LynnieBear]

hands down, I'd choose the hot guy and try and mold him into a nice guy...

 

and eventually get frustrated and dump him and wait for a hot, nice guy.

 

personalities are flexible... looks aren't... if you're born with an ugly face, you're born with an ugly face..

 

if his personality isn't flexible enough, then I'll just wait till I find a hot, nice guy.

 

I have to be attracted. I don't know why that's so hard to understand.

 

and I wouldn't even count the "average guy" as a choice...

 

If I'm not attracted, he will be written off right off the bat.

 

There is such thing as average, and attractive... it's just a matter of whether or not I'M attracted and if I'm not, it's bye bye, and onto the next one.

[LynnieBear]

and I wouldn't even count the "average guy" as a choice...

 

If I'm not attracted, he will be written off right off the bat.

 

There is such thing as average, and attractive... it's just a matter of whether or not I'M attracted and if I'm not, it's bye bye, and onto the next one.

 

and chances are, if he looks like what I want him to on the outside, he is what I want him to be on the inside as well.

 

I don't believe looks make you a good person or not

 

in fact, I think, the better looking someone is, the better of a person they may be....

 

if they are fit, you know they take care of themselves, so that's a positive thing about their personality...

 

plus, there's nothing I don't like about the guy that I like except the fact that he doesn't like me and the amount of girls he talks to. when he gets in a serious relationship, he's not going to be able to keep as many girl "friends" as he does anyway. that will eventually have to stop. no matter who he's with. no girl will put up with that.

[erika2610]

in fact, I think, the better looking someone is, the better of a person they may be....

 

if they are fit, you know they take care of themselves, so that's a positive thing about their personality...

 

 

Ever see a good looking serial killer? Blows your theory out of the water.

 

Men aren't gumby. You can't find one you deem hot and then "mold" him in to what you want him to be.

[LynnieBear]

Ever see a good looking serial killer? Blows your theory out of the water.

 

Men aren't gumby. You can't find one you deem hot and then "mold" him in to what you want him to be.

 

Yes, I am aware of this, which is why I wouldn't go for either... I just wanted to see what people would say.

 

I'm looking for a nice guy that I'm attracted to.

 

He doesn't have to be "hawt"... he also doesn't have to be "ugly"... I have to be attracted to him.

 

Bottom line also is... I really am (or was) or whatever it is I am now, in love with a real, live, living human being not too long ago and it's going to take awhile to get over that. </3

[TrueColors]

hands down, I'd choose the hot guy and try and mold him into a nice guy...

 

and eventually get frustrated and dump him and wait for a hot, nice guy.

 

personalities are flexible... looks aren't... if you're born with an ugly face, you're born with an ugly face..

 

if his personality isn't flexible enough, then I'll just wait till I find a hot, nice guy.

 

Yes, I am aware of this, which is why I wouldn't go for either... I just wanted to see what people would say.

 

Why would you bother posting something that you don't even believe in just to get a reaction?

 

 

I have to be attracted. I don't know why that's so hard to understand.

 

Attraction isn't the issue here. It's why you would choose to pick guys who are obviously not attracted to YOU.

 

and I wouldn't even count the "average guy" as a choice...

 

If I'm not attracted, he will be written off right off the bat.

 

There is such thing as average, and attractive... it's just a matter of whether or not I'M attracted and if I'm not, it's bye bye, and onto the next one.

 

So what you are saying is that whoever it is you deem as being "attractive" has to have something extra?

 

Care to define what that "something extra" is?

 

and chances are, if he looks like what I want him to on the outside, he is what I want him to be on the inside as well.

I don't believe looks make you a good person or not

in fact, I think, the better looking someone is, the better of a person they may be....

 

if they are fit, you know they take care of themselves, so that's a positive thing about their personality...

 

plus, there's nothing I don't like about the guy that I like except the fact that he doesn't like me and the amount of girls he talks to. when he gets in a serious relationship, he's not going to be able to keep as many girl "friends" as he does anyway. that will eventually have to stop. no matter who he's with. no girl will put up with that.

 

You are not making any sense here: which is it that you believe?

 

If I've understood this correctly, what you are saying is that if someone exercises regularly, you believe that they will make them a better person, which in turn makes them a better partner??

 

I'm looking for a nice guy that I'm attracted to.

 

He doesn't have to be "hawt"... he also doesn't have to be "ugly"... I have to be attracted to him.

 

But in your OP you said you don't like "nice guys"?

 

"Nice guys" aren't the "bad boys" you want, remember?

 

Again, I'm confused. It would help if you could define exactly what "attractive" means to you. Surely this isn't just based on physicality?

[socialgirl73]

Therein lies the problem.

 

You have to get over your fear and go out and pick the guys you want, instead of waiting for them to pick you.

 

Seriously, being on the market for a guy is like taking a walk through an apple orchard. The bad ones will drop from the trees for you, but you have to do a little reaching to pick the tastiest ones yourself.

 

I do that all the time.....I am not afraid to go after what I want, but sometimes the rejection gets to me.....All of the men I have shown interest in lately are taken....Or want a FWB relationship which I do not do.....I am not aggressive mind you.....I just express an interest.....It gets frustrating and discouraging at times......

[Cosmo]

the same case for me, i attract a lot of girls i'm not interested in... maybe they think i'm easily attainable ? often they are curvy, got no sense of style and average looking.

If i ignore them they get turned on, don't know why :/ so i have to escape and disappear.

sometimes they ruin my night, because of them the hot chicks stop looking at me...