red60jb Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 As many of you on this message board know divorce has turned my life upside-down. Before the divorce my wife was acting weird for about a month. Even on her birthday she was rather unamused at the $200 necklace I bought and the fact that I took her whole family out to dinner. A week after her birthday I looked in her emails(I know I'm a jerk but I had to) and found a lot of messages to her friends writing nothing but bad things about me. She even lied about the things she told them. She stated that she was supporting me when the only thing she was paying for me was medical insurance. I bought all the food, cooked and did most of the work around the house. I have just received my teaching credential in special education but I had not found work in the area that I was living so I went into construction. For a time I made $3200 a month and had payed off most of my debt. She stated that I had no ambition and that I was not making enough money. Oh and that she was not in love with me anymore. There is a bit more to the story. About a year ago I found out that she was abusing pain killers. It even came to the point that that I had to rush her to the hospital because she had an od seizure from soma. Since then the relationship had been strained, but I wanted to be by her side and support her through this hard time in her life. Over time the pill use subsided but she was asking for her space and going to casinos to play blackjack. I suspected she was going some place to get high more than likely. I am probably nuts but I am still in love with her and would do anything for her if she asked. For some odd reason I keep thinking about the person she was before everything started going south. We have everything in common and we always had fun. She just hated the fact that I was not in a career like she was. I have though about asking her for a separation, instead of a divorce while I get my career on track, but I fear that even that will not help. She has a lot of work to do on her end and I need to get into the field I went to school for before its time to start paying my student loans off in about a year. As I said before I am probably nuts and should just move on, but the thought of being with anyone but her is just weird. She was and is the love of my life. I just went on a date and even though the girl threw herself at me I refused to sleep with her and just went home. If anyone has any suggestions let me know RED Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 No Kids + wayward wife = don't let the door hit you on the way out. Sorry to say it but kick her to the kerb.. Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 What a messy situation! If your W has dumped you, then you need to accept that she wants out. You know what she thinks about you and you can't control her thoughts. I think you should concentrate on getting work in your field and hopefully this will keep you busy enough to live through the day to day pain. I don't believe in chasing people for love. It is one thing if a partner says there are problems and that you should consider separation. That partner is communicating. A spouse who leaves the marital home OTOH is terminating the R. Why chase after love? It should be freely given. The drug abuse and gambling are in my book signs of serious weaknesses. Yes it happens especially prescription drug abuse. But coupled with the gambling, you may have on your hands an addictive personality. Only a shrink can help her with that. Leave her alone, ignore her and live like she doesn't exist. At least try to do this for a given period of time. This will give you time to figure out what is really best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Addicts are incabable of functioning in a normal, rational, ethical and moral manner. Their life is centered around feeding their addiction. If you aren't helping her in feeding her addiction(s) then you are of no use to her and are disposable to her. Addicts are also very skilled at "posing" and acting as if she were a good person and acting as if she was in love with you and that everything was hunky-dory but it was all an act and a manipulation. She may have thought you were going to support her and her addictions but when that didn't pan out to her hopes she dumped you. It always hurts and is demoralizing and emasculating to get dumped but being rid of an addict is one of the best things that you can do. They are a bottomless pit of pain and dispair. The best thing you can do is get a good attorney and cut her off from everything to best of your legal ability and sheild yourself from her emotionally, physically, financially etc etc and move on with your life. It hurts now but the day will soon come when you will see her and thank the Lord above that you are no longer connected with her in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
Lost_Spirit Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Hi Red. Deeply sorry for what you're going through. I highly recommend reading "Addictive Personality" by Craig Nakken. Sadly, there is nothing you can do but detach with love and do not enable her in anyway. ~blessing Link to post Share on other sites
fluffyfluff Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Personally I think separation is a wonderful idea. Sometimes I think it can bring people back together again after you have the space to work out all the garbage. It gives time for reflection. Unfortunately many people believe separation is divorce, it can also mean a new start for some thing new. Like an intervention. Link to post Share on other sites
RJ1971 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Hi Red, No-one on here knows how this will turn out including yourself. So the thing is to give yourself space to clear your mind and decide what you want. My wife dumped me after I begged her not to. Our situation was totally different as most situations are unique, but the best advice I can give you is not to beg her to go back. Have the separation, enjoy some time on your own, build friendships, take up a hobby as you'll make more friends there. Show her you are not dependent on her and she'll admire you more than begging to take her back. As well as showing yourself you can be strong it's the best thing you can do. Will it win her back? Will you want her back? Like I said I have no idea but it will put you in the best position to move on whatever happens. Either way stay friendly when you meet. I presume no kids? Time will heal this situation - it certainly did for me and I feel so much stronger to deal with crap like this now. Hope it sorts itself out. Link to post Share on other sites
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