LoveKeep27 Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years. This happened a few months ago or so and its always stuck in my mind. Well i went out with my brother to the courner shop to get some sweets and my boyfriend was on his way to mine in his car. And so my brother said to go the chip shop to get some chips, so we did and along the way i seen my boyfriend in his car driving to mine. So after we got some chips and wasnt open so we walked back home (only 5mins away) and my boyfriend was waiting in his car. He got out the car and asked where i've been. So i joked and said nowhere. So anyway we got in the house and my brother went into the living room. My boyfriend went to my room to get change like he usually does. I followed, he through his bags on my bed and asked again where did i go? so i joked again and said nowhere. so he got changed and asked again, he was getting really annoyed, and he slapped me across the bum really hard. He did this serveral times hard. The look on his face wasnt what ive seen before. So i said i went the corner shop for sweets with my brother. i asked him why he was so p.issed off cos i was with my brother and he said 'becuase i hate it when you dont tell me where you are,'. He usually smacks me across the bum playfully but it wasnt playfull, Difference was it really hurt, he felt bad about it. He texted me how sorry he was for smacking me like he did. Also i caught him in a lie, i never said nothing to him but he knew something was bothering me. My mum was sitting in the living room, so my boyfriend said to come to my room to get something, so i did, when got into my room, i sat on my bed and he just grabbed my wrists and pinned me on the bed and then ask 'whats bothering you? becuase i know theres something up?' Is this the early signs of abuse or what? Link to post Share on other sites
fallenenvy Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 I can't say it sounds good... but at the same time you have been with him for 4 years and generally abusers don't wait that long to start crap. Is this the first thing hes done? The butt smacking isn't what gets me as much as him prying you away from your family and then pinning you down. You also said this happened a few months ago but its still bothering you etc. Has anything happened since? Does he show any other signs?.. such as trying to control you ALWAYS having to know where you are and who you are talking to (tho it does seem he needs to know where you are) talking down to you.. making you feel bad about yourself... etc? Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 If the smack on the bum wasn't playful and it actually hurts then it's concerning. If that was me, I would have been charged for assault. Any physical contact that unwanted is worth deserving a trip to jail. I don't know about you but I would walk away from that. Why is he forcing you to tell him where you were? Who does he think he is, your father? Besides it's not like you're married.... you guys are only dating. You have no obligation to tell him all your whereabouts nor ask for his permission everytime you go out. IMO YES THOSE ARE RED FLAGS.... early signs of an abuser. Link to post Share on other sites
Vesna Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 It sounds like he has been abusive towards you for a long time and you are waking up to it now. Let your intuition be your quide. Get out of this relationship before it kills your soul, if not your body. I had a bf who hated that I went to college at night and had friends there. He felt so excluded that he beat me badly on the day of an exam. I turned up for the exam with a black eye and stitches on my cheek. I wasn't going to let his jealousy and insecurity stop me from having what I wanted. I passed the exam BTW. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 It sounds like he has been abusive towards you for a long time and you are waking up to it now. Let your intuition be your quide. Get out of this relationship before it kills your soul, if not your body. I had a bf who hated that I went to college at night and had friends there. He felt so excluded that he beat me badly on the day of an exam. I turned up for the exam with a black eye and stitches on my cheek. I wasn't going to let his jealousy and insecurity stop me from having what I wanted. I passed the exam BTW.I hope you has him arrested for assault afterwards. Damn, why are these scums still living on this planet. Did anyone ask you about it? If I was you I would let everyone know what type of loser he is/was and warn every single girl I see with him. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Is this the early signs of abuse or what? Yes, I think it is. What has happened since? Link to post Share on other sites
jellybelly24 Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Yes, everything you described is a red flag for an abusive relationship. Are you sure he has not acted this way in the past? Generally speaking abuse starts much earlier than four years into a relationship. Perhaps this has been going on for awhile, and you never wanted to admit it until now? Just follow your intuition; it's clearly trying to tell you something. In any case, recognizing the abuse is the first step in getting out of this relationship. Believe me when I say that this will only get worse. Verbal abuse does not necessarily lead to violence, but it often does, and you need to protect yourself. Since he already hurt you physically when he smacked you, it sounds like things are starting to get physical. This guy is bad news, and you should definitely not wait around any longer. If you need help or advice, try contacting your local domestic abuse hotline, a professional counselor, or church clergy. They can give you the resources you need and help steer you in the right direction. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for awhile. It took my a long time to realize what was going on and admit to myself and to others that he was never going to change. It took all the strength I had to leave that relationship, but my life is so much better now that I did! You deserve to be happy, and it sounds like this guy makes you anything but. Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Possessiveness is a bad sign and the men that beat me, happened years after they felt comfortable I would stay. I would keep your eyes open on how controlling he is and dont allow it to happen again.I never thought mine would beat me but they did.After being beat I found the same kind of guys but now im happily married now.Have a talk with him and let him know it bothered you to never act that way again. Link to post Share on other sites
Lurker1983 Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 but at the same time you have been with him for 4 years and generally abusers don't wait that long to start crap. This is possible. Some men don't even become abusive until after marriage, but were able to keep up a good face during dating. Are there little subtle signs that are dropped here and there while dating? Yes. Even family and friends will tell the woman "Oh, it's no big deal. He's a really nice guy." All of what you mentioned are early signs of abuse. Your boyfriend may justify himself and make you feel like you're crazy. It's still abuse. An abuser will never admit to his actions. I say get out before it's get worse, but it's your choice. I know it's hard to break up with someone you dated for four years. He has no consideration for how you feel or your well-being. Link to post Share on other sites
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