InLimbo2 Posted May 22, 2004 Share Posted May 22, 2004 I've posted previously about my boyfriend who needed space and how I managed to give it to him without grudge. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t39112/ Just an update: We had a date last Friday night, Sunday night (which I posted that after), Wednesday night, and we will be together on Sunday with my kids to see Shrek2. I see him as much or more than when I was "the girlfriend". I have made HUGE strides in putting my life in order - instead of focusing all my waking thoughts on my relationship issues. We both have gone out with other people - but feel no spark and it just doesn't feel 'right'. He keeps asking about other men pursuing me, I give short direct answers. He wanted his freedom and I gave it, without grudge, while keeping my dignity, self respect, and not being desperate to 'possess' him. At times I even distance myself just a bit, but not far enough that he thinks I'm too far from him to win me back. We talk every day, we always know where the other is, all the stuff we had before. Basically we have the same relationship level we did before without speaking the "committment" word. I know he's finding that the grass isn't greener on the other side and he needed the IDEA of freedom more than he really needs to use it and needed to relieve that pressure until he was more ready. And, I am still here for us to enjoy our good times - but just a tiny bit out of his reach - and he's finding me doesn't like me seeing others and not having me exclusively. Tonight we talked about how we had this incredible emotional connection, especially while making love - and how it was gone (when he was feeling pressured about being committed) - and how that connection and feelings are back where they used to be - and how they are growing because of what we went through and because we talked it out and worked it out. (His soon to be ex wife bolted w/o warning and he doesn't think she tried hard enough - where I do try - but I digress). There IS hope when you follow the advice - set them free, don't chase, focus on improving yourself - and either they come around or you come out the other side a better stronger parnter for your next relationship - which is better and more productive than sitting and sobbing for 6 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss_Prolixity Posted May 22, 2004 Share Posted May 22, 2004 I just wanted to say congratulations on "reuniting" with your ex. I am wishing you two the best. Sometimes people have to lose something precious in their life to realize the value it had. And it sounds like that's what had happened to your ex. I am just glad in the end, there's hope. Thanks for sharing your story! Link to post Share on other sites
organic chemistry Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 thx ur story is very inspiring to me... i wish i can have the same result with my ex....i read blaise harris book as well.. stop beggin him 3 months ago....and doing great living my life have to improve myself and love myself first Link to post Share on other sites
jk Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 I only wish my story would come out with the same ending. I can't talk to him everyday anymore and know what he's doing because that's what my ex wants- not have any commitment. After 3 years that hurts, so I am doing no contact because I won't let him string me along like that. It's been a month since we went on a break, last week I officially broke it off when I found out he'd been flirting around with his co worker. I found out that he bought her $130 of flowers, candy, and balloons for her graduation in June (he doesn't know that I know). Needless to say I was very upset for a few days after that. I'm much better now though. I'm not crying, I'm calm and I'm doing things for me- reading books, getting to do things I haven't done for a while. It actually feels kinda good in a way, but there are times I still miss him. I just gave him the last of his stuff back yesterday....I wrote him a short letter telling him that I was very hurt by what he did but that I was moving on with my life and doing what was best for me. I also said that I would like to be friends someday, but not right now because it hurts too much knowing that he's pursuing someone else. Hopefully he realizes later on that the grass isn't any greener on the other side and learns his mistake the hard way, which is something he told me he was willing to do. I'm moving on in the meantime. Link to post Share on other sites
mandrews1119 Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 As one of those who believes in second chances, my congratulations to you. Best of luck, hopefully it will work out fine. Link to post Share on other sites
maria72 Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Wish I'd thought to do this with my ex. When he told me he needed some "time" I said fine and changed my phone number. I didn't understand how we could go from talking ALL of the time to talking every few days. It drove me crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
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