JaneyAmazed Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 With the Christmas music already playing in stores and Thanksgiving right around the corner, I can't help but think of last year and depressing this time of year was for me. I dreaded spending time with family knowing I was leading a secret life. I felt like such a fake. I was hurting so bad. I hated the choices I had made and I only saw dread and pain in my future. I hated not being content with my life, my home, my husband. I hated being my xOM's convenient part-time lover. I just wanted my life to be normal again. I wanted to feel joy again. I wished so much for the way holidays used to be. This is year is SO different from last. I'm not completely healed and I'm still wounded, but the joy outweighs the pain. I look forward to being with my family and cherishing every moment with them. My conscious is clean, my burdens are lighter, and I have more hope than I have had in a long time. I am so thankful I'm not where I was last year. I don't wonder if I'll be alright...I know I'll be alright. I just want to say to those who are in affairs or are still hurting from ended affairs, afraid of what the future holds, just do what you know is right. Do what you would do in front of the eyes of all your loved ones. Know that you can get through anything, and it may get worse before it gets better...but it will get better. It's hard to see a better life it when it's so dark and cloudy. You know the song "I can see clearly now, then rain is gone?" That day will come. I'm leaving LS now. Thank you to all who have helped me get through this time in my life. I regret having an affair for obvious reasons, but I don't regret what it's forced me to do...look at my life, myself, and my marriage and change what was broken. God has showed me that I can be strong and get through what I thought would be impossible. I ran to Him and let Him be my refuge. He's still with me every step of the way. My H and I are planning to continue on the path we're on. We're in a good place now. His unbelievable love for me has helped save me. He has showed me what true, unconditional love is. I am blessed to have such a wonderful man, and yes, I deserve him. We deserve each other. I wish you all the best. I pray for the pain to go away and for a future brighter than you ever imagined. Each of you are precious. Don't let your past define you. Don't let anyone steal your joy and your hope. Love yourself and don't allow anyone to tear you down. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 Your post was wonderful. I am happy to see that you have graduated, congrats . It will really be hard for me the next 2 months and I hope to have and keep that positive attitude. This month though is going to be brutal. I am already praying for strength to not break down and cry. It will be my first Birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year without him in my life. *breathe* Yeah I might not make it . I have to stay positive and that's all I can do. The past is in the past and the future is waiting. I wish you the best also on your journey. Keep that positive attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 (edited) With the Christmas music already playing in stores and Thanksgiving right around the corner, I can't help but think of last year and depressing this time of year was for me. I dreaded spending time with family knowing I was leading a secret life. I felt like such a fake. I was hurting so bad. I hated the choices I had made and I only saw dread and pain in my future. I hated not being content with my life, my home, my husband. I hated being my xOM's convenient part-time lover. I just wanted my life to be normal again. I wanted to feel joy again. I wished so much for the way holidays used to be. This is year is SO different from last. I'm not completely healed and I'm still wounded, but the joy outweighs the pain. I look forward to being with my family and cherishing every moment with them. My conscious is clean, my burdens are lighter, and I have more hope than I have had in a long time. I am so thankful I'm not where I was last year. I don't wonder if I'll be alright...I know I'll be alright. I'm glad that you were able to get some personal growth out of this. It's a shame that it had to be at your husband's expense. I don't know your story, but I'm amazed that he has been able to go through his own process of feeling wounded and healing in such a short time. A year doesn't seem long enough to recover from a spouse's affair. He must love you very much and must have worked very hard to find a way to forgive you in his heart. I hope he'll be getting something special in his christmas stocking this year. I'm curious...your post reads like you were a victim of this affair. I usually don't think of the WS as a victim, other than of their own choices. Do you see yourself as a wounded victim? or am I misreading or misunderstanding your post? Edited November 10, 2011 by norajane Link to post Share on other sites
despicableME Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 Its gonna be a looooong time before I'm at this stage, but I'm glad to hear someone is. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby_shoes Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 Janey what a good post. I know 100% where you are! I can feel the weather and I know how I felt this time last year, and the year before that too and can't help but to associate and some days it drags me down so much and I still get weepy. I am so glad I read this today, thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby_shoes Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 And Janey I'm sorry to hear your leaving. All the best to you and your H! I'm so glad you're healing. Your post has given me a lot of hope today ((((Janey)))) Link to post Share on other sites
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