Gigs/rebound/left for someone else. Answers to your questions here!!!!

[smokey bear]

I had gigs and a rebound and i believe my ex is suffering from it now.

Our gigs is roughly 6 months apart and so far has run very similar.

 

My gigs I dont remember much of it now but i will tell what i do remember.

I remember a couple of months before i left that i had been feeling the need of attention from other men, i felt my man wasnt giving me enough attention in terms of love and affection but i think it was most desire.

 

I didnt feel sexy from him and other men noticed i was sexy. I started flirting with other men to fill that void. I voiced this concern with my partner many times before i actually left> he had a chance to fix it, he just didnt listen to what i was saying or understand, i dont blame him. I believe our age has a lot to do with it and everyone. I really dont think you learn certain things like honest communication until u reach a certain age.

 

Some things are part of growing up.

 

 

At the time i was 24 he was 25. im mentally more mature than him. he seems to be a year behind me. We have been together 6/7 years. I am his first love. He is not mine, I dont think it makes a difference. apart from at the end of gigs ill explain later.

 

 

So my gigs was a friend that started to flirt with me, and i split with the ex and persued him. This is where the rebound comes in. It doesnt matter if its gigs it still has to be treated the same as rebound and it still happens exactly the same as a rebound. So anyone who has there partner leave for someone else, treat it exactly the same way. read up on rebounds.

 

 

What did i feel?

 

 

I felt head over heels in love and u are, while at the same time hid the relationship from my family. I swore i would never go back to my ex, I blamed my ex for us splitting and even believed it myself for a long time, the whole time. I never once fought with the rebound/ gigs we got on great and where a great match. But as soon as it ended, after 3 weeks being split, that love faded fast. Thats when i realised it wasnt true love.

 

It was in love and it is different from real love,

its an infatuation, an intense feeling that fizzles over 3-5 months (honeymoon) i truly believed i loved this man more than i ever loved my ex. It doesnt matter what happened with the rebound/gigs the major points are below.

 

I felt very connected and very in love, it faded quickly (5 months for me)

what caused it? i just realised it wasnt going to work, just woke up one day and saw his faults.

 

What did my ex do this whole time? he begged me the whole time, didnt know about gigs guy. I HID IT!!! Red flag!

 

how did it make me feel, first 2-3 months, angry i wish he would just go away, did he emotionally support my rebound, yes. would i have came back earlier if he didnt chase me?

 

I said a few major points to myself during the break up/ gigs.

 

One was, If he didnt chase me i would have came back sooner (hindsite)

 

Did i miss him?, not for the first 3-4 months he was always around, towards the end of gigs guy i did miss him yes, this is another major thing i said to myself

 

Even though my ex is still around begging me back, i still miss him, still miss his company.

in hindsight looking at this now, he was always about, i had his company so it truly wasnt his company i missed, i didnt realise this for months later.

 

After this realisation i let him come up and hang around, but at the time still didnt want relationship and thought we would never be together again, but at this point i knew i still wanted him in my life, but as i friend, at this point i knew i wouldnt be happy with him not in my life.

 

Things i felt

 

 

I felt my life was better without him and easier.

I knew i loved him since i left on day 1 but i thought it was just love for someone i had spent so long with, like family love. This love grew stronger but took about 5 months to really in, this love is what brought me back.

 

The whole time up until the very day i went back, i didnt feel this love strong, i thought my lovers love for him was gone, little did i know

that it was changing and turning into unconditional love, or it was already there and i didnt understand love .

 

I was happy and the relationship i had with the gigs guy was better, love brought me back my ex didnt treat me great we are still young and learning but he never cheated, he respected me, was there for me, but he loved me deeply and that is the key, love.

 

all throughout gigs/ rebound i didnt think about my ex, i compaired him to gigs guy yes, but i didnt think about giving us another go, my aim was to move on. i remember thanking gigs guy for getting me over my ex. I honestly believed i was over my ex, completely.

 

What next

 

when i finished with gigs guy did i think of my ex? yes, i still didnt want to go back,still didnt feel love etc. I went on a few dates with other guys, still had gigs, still thought there was better out there. But it didnt work? Why? because it just felt the same with the gigs guy,

infatuation, it wasnt that true love connection i had with my ex. My ex at this point gave up on me, said he loves me but he gives up trying to get me back. didnt txt me.

 

The point is until you get over your ex you cant form that bond with anyone else. At this point i had go single and deal with the breakup. this is where the ex stuff happens, i went through 3 weeks of mild sadness getting over gigs guy, realised it wasnt true love,I also worked out what i wanted in life, i was ready to settle down and have kids.

 

after that, one night the break up with the ex hut me. it hut me hard like a ton of bricks. This was pain, it was regret, i finally only then seen how bad i treated him and what had done to him.This was also the point were i said f++k i love my ex, i said to myself i would txt him and lay it out if he wanted it i was going to be the best bird ever. if he had moved on i was going to go down the long lonely road of healing i hadnt dealt with my ex break up all, and it only came out after my gigs ended.

 

my gigs was not finished there but. we got back together and the same problems occured but only through fault of my ex, I learned my mistake and the changes that were my fault in the relationship. After 6 months

together my ex left me for the same reason i left him and is experiencing the exact same thing now.

 

Its heartbreaking but good, cause he will come out it a maturer person knowing what he wants and our relationship wouldnt have survived if he didnt do it. this is where his gigs starts.

 

So my ex's gigs, he started to wonder what else was out there, He started drinking and partying hard. one night i couldnt take it and left, within days he had someone else. the first month we were lc, he hated me. called me for everything. i went nc,

 

after 2.5 months he broke contact told me his rebound was terrible, his life was terrible without me and wanted me back. he was dumping rebound and we would get back together. he split with rebound for a week, i pushed him that whole week went needy etc,

 

he went back to rebound. At that point i chased him for 3 weeks and then stopped.i went nc again. they lasted 1 week, went rocky, week 2 split, week 3 finally over. They still talk and its now week 2 officailly over.

 

So please everyone go nc, when i was around they got on well, when i was in nc they failed. so go nc you are helping them succeed emotonally and my gigs would have ended sooner if he didnt chase me.

 

so now that they are over, i txt him, just a little hey thinking of u wondered if you ever wanted to talk. never let on i knew about rebound ending. asked how they were he said they split up. he jumped in too quick and wasnt ready.

 

we chatted for ages and actually met up. spoke for 4

hours, right now he doesnt want a relationship he wants to see what else is out there. he is still sexually attracted to me and now we can speak very open and honest with each other.

 

But he still think of our relationship in a bad way, he hasnt dealt with it just like i didnt, he hasnt got far enough yet to let go of the bad and see the good, when we talked he brought our relationship up not me, spoke about it a lot and is still bitter about it.

 

it still affects his emotions. We will never be able to reconcil till he gets past that and deals with it, so again im back on nc. When we met it was only a few days ago, 2 weeks after his split from rebound, i re appeared too soon, he still has to get over the rebound failing, he still has to deal with his deamons and realise what he's learned. we wouldnt work till he does.

 

Do i think he will come back to me?

I dont know, i can only go nc and hope once he's dealt with everything and himself and looks back on our 7 years.

 

do i wait for him?

In a way kind of, ive been single for these 4 months because i know im not ready to date. I am not happy being single and alone yet, i need to find this first before i can reconcil or even meet anyone new.

 

Im not ready yet never mind him. I need to be in a state where i dont depend on anyone before i can make any relationship work with my ex or other.

 

SO now in these next few weeks of nc, im letting go with love. Im understanding he needs to go and find himself and what he wants in a woman and that will involve him dating others, he needs to

learn his own lessons. When we met up this week, there was no akwardness, a huge connection still and felt very natural, i only hope he feels it too.

 

Nc is important so u can see your ex and not go week at the knees or in the mind. There is no point contacting your ex until your in a stable frame

of mind. In these weeks of nc, i need to find myself, i need to be happy alone and just find me!!!!

 

There are lots of major points missed out here, so please feel to ask any questions about gigs or rebounds or anything.

Thanks, its a long one but ive been through gigs/rebound on both sides and want to share my stories.

[immitable]

Thank you very much for your honesty. You are golden. No one has put it better. Best of luck to you

[TheDovic]

Wow, this is one of the most helpful posts I've read on this site. Thanks very much for sharing. It's comforting to see GIGS from the other side.

 

Ps, good luck with your guy

[sk00]

Hi

I'm hoping you could shed some light on my situation.It is very similar to yours but I'm the guy in this situation.We b/u around 3.5 months ago.She start going out with this guy within 2 weeks after our b/u.Our relationship was not as long as yours tho.it lasted 1 year and 10months.I did all the pathetic stuff anybody would do in the beginning but went nc exactly a month ago.From what u said in your post I noticed shes doing just the same as you did.Such as overly display of pda with this new guy.Saying stuff like hes the best ever and shes happier with him than she ever was with me.Yet i know that they been fighting alot(im ashamed to admit that i did stalk her blog)I noticed that every time she talked to me or see me she have to go post in her blog how much she love this guy like she has to reaffirm her own decision.it took us 3 months to fall in love yet according to her she already madly in love with this guy after 1 month.Yet she still talks to me behind his back and see me for coffee sometimes. she moved in with this guy to his parents house after 1.5month of dating with him.i know this because we used to live together and when she moved we had to cancel the apt.After that i went n .The only time she contacted me after I went nc was2 days after my bday saying happy belated.To which I didn't respond.I'd be lying if I say I dun want her back even after she did all this.i still miss this girl and I think about her everyday even now.Her bday is coming up and Im not sure if I send her a gift or just ignored it.im not expecting any response I just miss this girl and I just want to do something nice.Doesnt matter even if she dun say thanks or even acknowledge it at least if it make her see me in a good light that's good enough for me.I went nc because I want to heal from this breakup but instead I miss her even more.I do wish to reconsile with her but I'm not stupid enough to influence her decision.I want her to come to her own terms on this so what should I do?just ignore or do something nice for her bday and go back to n/c?I already know the most I will get for doing something nice would be a thank you and nothing more but if it soften her abit i will do it.thanks

[BardoPond]

Hey, thank you very much for putting this thread up. My question might seem a bit vague and I apologise in advance. I don't know for definate that my gf is GIGs but she hasn't really talked to me much since the BU and from what I've seen it's pretty much textbook. She's with another guy now and while I'm not expecting her to come back or waiting for it either I don't really know what I should do if she does. How should I handle it? Is there anyway to tell if they're really genuine about it, are there any telltale signs? Apologies again and thanks in advance.

[smokey bear]

Hi if you search my posts you will find another thread on a deeper understanding og gigs, its info i found, might help.

 

no two situations are the same, they might come back they might not.

 

Go nc and heal for the time being.

[ginastar]

Smokey,

I found your story. So did your gigs bf hurt you or you just decided one day that you didnt like/love him?

So a person with gigs doesnt necessarily have to be hurt to have the "fog lift"?

[smokey bear]

The honeymoon period wore off and i just realised it wouldnt work, no you dont have to get hurt, i went on to date others after him but before i went back to my original ex

[ginastar]

well do you think my ex has gigs:

 

the thing is his honeymoon phase is over and hes been with her a long time now (1.5 years), however I know they broke up for like 2 months one time and a short time another time. I saw him hitting on chicks on fb this past summer also. dont know what else hes been up to, but right now they are together a lot. i saw him one time recently for the first time in over a year. we had pretty much nc for 9 months. he texted me after 4 months (had short text convo) and then 4 months later he started again. so when i recently saw him he told me hes still with her but made some really flirty remarks to me, very touchy w me, said he thinks about me a lot, said he misses me, was trying to explain how he really loved me, mentioned some problems we had.... sounded like regret...but again hes still with the new girl and he said things are good with them and it sure does seem like that bc i think they are together 24/7 when they arent working. hes also very conceited. I dont know if he was just curious about what ive been up to/wanted to see me..even though he never once asked me if i have a bf or if hes in phase 4. its hard to tell bc i dont see many people on LS rebounding for this long amount of time. hes suppose to contact me again soon so i really could use the help . thank you

[guccimane99]

Do u ever think about the rebound? I rebounded of my ex and i still think about her and sometimes think i would go back to her. I know it was a rebound because i wasnt fully over the girl from before.

[ginastar]

are you still with the rebound though?

[smokey bear]

Im still friends with my gigs guy,

 

I posibbly would have went back to my gigs guy yes, but it wouldnt have worked.

 

When we did get back in touch (gigs guy) i was completely repulsed by him, one of those "what was i thinking" things.

 

We went back to being friends like we were before.

[smokey bear]

I had no Genuine feelings for my gigs guy.

 

It truly was infatuation. My gigs experience taught me the difference between being in love and loving someone.

 

I was lucky, i didnt hurt my gigs guy, there was circumstances involved that he wasnt heart broken.

[stunned8165]

So wierd. All the reading on this gigs stuff seems to say alot about the 6 months mark. And lo and behold, right on the 6 moth mark, she calls! Go figure.

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t309568/

[wilsonx]

Smokey time frame out of curiousity. This story seems very familiar LOL.

 

Between last meeting with ex and dating others to when you did the broken glass knee crawl

[ginastar]

well being that my ex is with the new girl for a long time maybe he really loves her or is it possible he still doesnt see its just infactuation like your situation.

smokey and wilson, what do u think? see my story above in this post

[smokey bear]

well being that my ex is with the new girl for a long time maybe he really loves her or is it possible he still doesnt see its just infactuation like your situation.

smokey and wilson, what do u think? see my story above in this post

 

 

I cant advise on it, i only offer what i went through to share my experience, people can take what they want from it and make their own judgements from there.

 

Noone can answer it but your ex.

[smokey bear]

I cant believe its been 1 month exactly since i posted this, it feels like a million years away.

 

Little update....

 

I found myself, im happy alone, im ready for a recon if it comes.

 

My ex, he never went out and saw what else was out there, in the past day he has shown signs of care and consideration. Id like to post another update in a month.